Hurricane

For an entire year, I was addicted to dancing and Jasey's little pills of encouragements. I lived for dancing on that stage, just because of the rush. Mikey didn't seem to mind, because I was bringing in money. I never really thought of Mikey much when I was at the club. I had gained a friend in Jasey and Rae.

Rae was the wisest woman I had ever met. She hated that I took three pills before stepping on stage. She always told me I didn't need them, that my imagination should have been enough; but to me, it wasn't.

Mikey knew I was addicted to those pills...the rush, the speed. He always saw the adrenaline in my eyes after work, and had finally asked me what I had even taking.

"I don't know what they are, but they make me feel good, Mikey." I had whispered to him inside our car.

"I'll ask Jasey where she got 'em." He had said.

And he did. He got me a full bottle. To this day, I still have no clue what those pills were, but they were my magic bullets.

Aside from me shoving those pills down my throat, Mikey had developed a need for coke. Coke was dirt cheap in that small town, and it made Mikey a different guy when he had a bump. The sex was greater, the love was greater, and we lived and felt better.

A lot of time had passed, time ran together, so did the days. I didn't really think about much of my old life, except when I hadn't had my pills. 

I remember I was sitting in our bathroom, on the edge of the tub, clutching the empty pill bottle. I was shaking, and really, I didn't think about my addiction to this life and these pills until then. I needed that fix, I needed to feel that familiar burning, I needed to get away. I had scratched my skin, wanting just a small portion.

"Roo?" I heard Mikey in the main room, "Roo, I got them."

I jumped up and ran to him. I must've looked like a crazy person, I stood before him, running my hand through my hair, "Gimme." 

Mikey just chuckled and handed them to me. He had a grocery bag with him, I notice it after I dry swallowed those lovely pills. He sat it on the dingy kitchen table.

"What's that?" My body immediately began to descend from its ache of need.

"It's peroxide and a new color for you. You said you wanted a sandy beach color, remember?" 

I smiled, "Thank you, baby."

"Anything for you," He kissed me, I could taste the buzz on his tongue, "I love you."

I ran my hands up his back, "I love you, too. You mean the world to me."

Mikey had that smirk on his lips that I had grown so accustomed too. In that whole year, he had slowly become the old Mikey, from before that monster was unleashed. I hadn't really thought about it all then, until he smirked at me like he used to.

After that, Mikey and I made love. I don't want to get too graphic for you, Iz, but we had sex. So, I hope when you read this, you are mature and you don't look at me any different than you do now.


I had gone to work that night, after I had dyed my hair. The owner liked it, and Rae thought it looked more like me.

"Oh, I always wanted hair this color! My little boy had hair this color when he was just a little thing, it got darker," she frowned, and tousled my hair, "I think hair changes when we get older."

"Me too." I had said softly, "I loved my natural hair color."

"What was it, honey?" She looked at me in the vanity mirror.

"It was a dark brown color...my dad's hair was the same color." I had remembered sadly.

She looked at me wearily, "What's wrong? You and your daddy don't speak?"

I held my breath for a moment, "No...my dad passed."

Rae gave me a warm hug from behind, "I'm so sorry, honey. My daddy passed when I was a little girl."

"How did he die?" I questioned quietly.

"He drank himself to death. What 'bout yours?"

Again, I was always too honest with Rae. In that year, she had learned my real name and my need for pills. I hadn't told her about Mikey, and here I was, just about to. But...I caught myself; "He messed with someone he shouldn't have."

She gave me a pitiful glance, "Like in them mafia movies?"

I gave her a funny smile, "Almost."

"Hey, I am a country girl. I never met a girl from New Jersey. When I heard about New anything, I think of mafia guys."

I had shaken my head, "No...just this guy who was a monster."

Rae had looked at me in the mirror, trying to read me. I knew I had let out a small hint of who, when I said that sentence. It pertained to someone close to me, just by the way I had said it.

"Like your man?"

I nodded, "Please, don't tell anyone, Rae."

She nodded, "I won't, honey." She then took my hand, "But we need to talk in private."

Rae led me towards the corner of the locker room. We sat down on the bench, our thighs were exposed to the worn wood, and I looked over at Rae. She put a hand on my knee, "Is the reason you moved down here because of what Jake did to your daddy?"

I nodded, "Yes," I answered her reluctantly, "Please don't tell anyone."

"I won't. But, what about your family? Was your daddy all you had?"

"My mother. She's the only one that's left..." I whispered.

"What about your friends? And his family? I hate to be nosy, honey, but you look like you needed to talk this out."

"I've been holding it in so long." I exasperated softly, "I miss my friends...I can't even..." I began to tear up.

"His family know he's down here?"

I shook my head, "No..." was all I could tell her. Mikey hadn't called Gerard since we arrived.

"I think, maybe you should call your mama." She advised softly.

I shook my head, "I don't think I can. I don't know what to say to her."

"Tell her you love her, I bet she's dyin' to hear your voice." She smiled at me.

"I...I don't even know if she still lives at the same address."

"Then, you should call one of your friends."

I thought about it. I really, really debated and wondered if I should have. And, once I did, the only person I thought of was Stefani.


I had swallowed a bunch more pills before I stepped outside, during my break. I had four quarters, I stumbled to the pay phone in the these clear heels. The warm air made my skin buzz and I felt more comfortable than I had in the longest time.

I picked up the receiver and dropped the quarters in. I made a collect call to Stefani, I said my name softly, wondering if was heard at all; it was.

"Ladonna?" I heard Stefani's voice, "Is this really you?"

I swallowed thickly, "Yes, it's me. It's me, Stef."

"Holy shit. Where are you? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Where's Mikey?"

My breath hitched, "I'm just fine. I'm fine. I'm okay," I muttered mindlessly, "Mikey is with me. We're...in some hick town."

"Ladonna, do you know what he did? Did he hurt you, too?"

"No! No, Mikey didn't hurt me!" I was becoming defensive, "Why would you think that?"

"He killed his parents, and some woman, a policeman, and your dad! Your mom...your mom is worried sick about you!"

I felt tears sting, "I'm fine, relay that to her. I'm okay."

"You have to come home. You'll be safe, everyone misses you!"

The tears quickly fell down my cheeks, "I can't. They'll send Mikey to prison."

"He needs to go to prison, he's killed people."

"I won't let him go, Stef. I love him."

There was silence.

"I have to go, Stef. I called to tell you all that we're OK."

"Come home, Ladonna. We love you and we miss you."

"Tell my mom I love her." I hung up on Stefani, completely ignoring what she had said.

At times, I wished I would have listened. The only thing was that time had passed, and the more time passed, the more people had given up on me. So, I should have gone home then, gotten Mikey the right help, but I waited. I waited, and no one cared later.