Hurricane

Have you ever wondered what it's be like to find someone who loves you as much as you hated yourself? To find that one person to pick and accept your flaws all at the same time? Someone who you could be around all day, and never get tired of?

That was Mikey Way for me -in the old days. 

He had been lying beside me, touching my hair, wrapping his fingers around the silky locks, and brushing his thumb against the apple of my cheek. He would comment on how pretty I was, and say I needed to use less foundation. I could always tell when he was joking and when he was telling the truth; he was telling the truth.

Later years, reading Mikey's face was like reading my own.

I didn't truly understand Mikey while he laid with me. I loved the attention, truly, I just didn't know what was going on in his head. He was quiet, didn't know what to say, and it was a nice moment in my life that I wish I hadn't of lost.

"Ladonna!" My father's voice called out to me, breaking my thoughts.

I sat up, pulling Mikey up with me, "Dad?" I called back, dumbly.

My dad didn't respond, I heard his feet thump up the stairs, and I looked to Mikey worriedly. He didn't look phased, he didn't care if he were caught or not. I panicked, thinking of a place to hide him, and he studiedly, ignored me, got up and went to my closet, closing it just as my dad opened the door.

"You're alone." My dad mumbled with furrowed brows.

I was flushed, I knew it, "Yeah..."

He sighed, defeated almost, "OK. Well, me and your mother are going out tonight. Dinner is in an hour."

I just nodded, watching him leave, wondering what he was actually thinking. Did he hear my and Mikey breathing? Because we hadn't been talking.

Mikey walked out of my closet as soon as my dad's foot steps disappeared. He looked at me with cool reassurance, making his way over to me. He took his hand in mine, pulling me towards my bed once more. 

Again, I was hoping for some heavy petting.

We only kissed, and at that moment, it was fine with me. I love(d) kissing Mikey. His kisses could make any minimal problem disappear with a flick of a tongue, as dirty as that sounds. He made the world go away. He made me feel like I was the only girl in the universe.

He made me feel desired. He made me feel truly wanted. I can't explain how much I had loved the feeling.

These feelings got out of hand. It snowballed. It went places you wouldn't believe.


Mikey had slipped out of my home in the dead of night. He had kissed me goodnight, promising to come by the next afternoon, to talk to my father. It was one of those times I wanted the charm to work.

"He can't keep us apart." -This phrase was one I heard a lot when it happened. I never thought that the word can't could make someone into a mad man.

So, Mikey had become determined. The following afternoon, he showed up, I answered the door, and looked at him uneasily, and held my breath. I called to my dad, never taking my eyes off of Mikey as I let him in.

"Yes?" My dad walked in, a cool drink in his hand, much too early for a Bloody Mary.

"Mikey is here to apologize." I spoke sweetly, pumping up Mikey's hype.

My dad gave me a furious look, then gave Mikey a stern one, "I hope Ladonna has told you I forbid her from seeing you." My dad's voice was stony, hard.

"Yes, sir, but I don't understand why." Mikey had his hands together, loosely tangled fingers together in front of his stomach.

"She came home late. I have strict orders for her to be home at a certain time." My dad downed his drink, hissing once the ice hit the glass.

"Yes, but has she done this before? From my knowledge, she hasn't done any wrong, and it was only an hour, sir."

The tension had grown, and my dad's eyes narrowed angrily at Mikey. I had never wanted to push Mikey out my door so badly. I didn't want my dad to verbally assault Mikey, like I had seen him do to a lot of his co-workers and, occasionally, my mom.

"Ladonna hasn't done this before, and I know she never will. You will not see my daughter, do you understand, boy?"

It was setting a wild fire in Mikey. I saw his jaw clenched, his eyes turn to slits, and his fist ball tightly. My dad just stood there with the smooth, adult, authority that came with being a pompous asshole. I love(d) my dad, but at times he was a real jerk. He never let anyone turn his choice decisions; especially not a poor boy like Mikey Way.

"I think you're being unfair, sir." Mikey managed to ground out.

"I can be unfair. I am her father, you are just a boy from school. Ladonna, show him out." My dad turned, leaving the room, without as much as a goodbye. 

He just dismissed Mikey. I couldn't have said it then, but, bad move, dad.

I had turned to Mikey, feeling heavy, upset, and like crying. I held it in as I hugged Mikey. He kissed my forehead.

"He can't stop me." Mikey had said.

I never took these four words into any level of threat. I should have.

But, still, our love was innocent, then. I snuck around to see him, without my dad's knowledge, and I lied a lot. Mikey taught me how, taught me my pokerface.

He told me I had a tell, and it was easy to spot. I chewed on the corner of my top lip when I lied, and my eyes watered. He said I had to relax, that I had to go over the lie like it was lines to a movie. I had to make believe that it was real in order for me to spill it all. I tried it the last weekend of summer break; on my dad.

I told him I was staying with Leah and Kendra for the weekend. He didn't believe me, he eyed me so good, I was afraid that he'd catch my lie. But, I remembered what Mikey had taught me: "Stay confident. Even under hot lights, don't let them take you alive."

My dad had fell for it a few minutes later, "OK. But you have to call me when you get there."

I squealed, "I will! I promise!" I had kissed his cheek. Awarding him for believing my lie.

Awarding him for letting me sleep over my boyfriend's house for the weekend.

Mikey's parents would be out, as well as his older brother Gerard, and it would just be us. I was excited, because I hadn't been over when they weren't there. Again, being a horny teenage girl, I was hoping for some type of sexual activity.

So, when Mikey picked me up -at the end of the block, of course- I wondered what he had planned for us. I wore my best, a short black skirt, a v-neck, a black burnout t-shirt, and my pink lace bra and panty set I had bought with my allowance. I had thrown all pride out the window when it came to pleasing Mikey Way.

"You wanna go straight to my place, or do you wanna go anywhere special?" Mikey had smirked slightly, as usual.

"Whatever you want." I tried to be smooth, to be sexy, and as far as I knew, I hit the hammer on the nail.

Mikey looked over at me, "You look beautiful today, Roo."

I felt my "sexiness" slip from my body as flattery took over, "Do I?"

He nodded, "You have like...a glow to yourself. I like it."

I knew then that having sex with Mikey wouldn't make me love him anymore than it did then. I didn't care about sex, I really like that he noticed me, he noticed I had a glow. He called me beautiful.

I remember feeling that overwhelming warmth of being with a loved one take over. I inched my hand in his, on the gearshift and place it on top. He flipped our hands over so our fingers were interlaced.

How many times can I say I love him?