Worth the Risk

She laid on his bed staring at the ceiling listening to him slowly breathe. She found comfort in the form of listening and watching him sleep. It had become a habit of her sneaking into his room late at night after her parents went sleep. She found it hard sleep at night, but when she was with Josh she was able to sleep easily.
She rolled over to find his steel blue eyes staring at her. A smiled crossed her lips as she stared back at him with her brown eyes.
“You know you watching me sleep, is getting kinda creepy.” Josh laughed lightly while messing with his already messy hair.
“You know you like it.” She said lightly laughing.
“Yeah I do. What are you going to do if your parents find out you keep sneaking into my room every night?” He asked sitting up and stretching.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” She said sitting up herself.
“What are you going to do if your mom ever walks in on us?”
“I won’t be in trouble were not having sex. We’re innocently sleeping together.” He smiled.
“I hope she ok with our innocent sleepovers.”
“I think she would be.” He said crawling out of bed.
“That’s good to know. So mate what’s our plan for today?” She asked smiling.
“I don’t know about you but I need to pack for tour.” He said grabbing his shirt off the floor. Josh was leaving for tour in two days and he was putting it off till the last second like he always did.
“Josh you still haven’t packed?” She asked sitting down on the edge of the bed.
“No I haven’t.” He said as Claire reached down on the ground and picked up one of his flannels and put it on.
“I’ve been telling you to pack everyday for the last week.”
“I know you have.” He said sitting down on the bed next to her.
“How in the world do you survive on tour without me?” She asked jokingly. He honestly didn’t know how to answer that because the whole time he was gone he missed her. He stared into her eyes trying to gather up the nerve to say what he really wanted to say to her. She gave him strange look trying to figure out what he was thinking.
“Josh why in the bloody hell are looking at me like that?” She asked.
“What are we?” He finally got the nerve to ask.
“We’re human.” She said standing up. She knew exactly what he was asking but she didn’t want to give a real answer. She was honestly scared of the answer.
“Cut the shit Claire you know what I meant.” He said annoyed.
“I don’t know what we are.” She said standing up. She had always dreaded them having this conversation. She hated talking about feelings and stupid stuff like that.
“Claire I love you.” He said confessing his true feelings to her.
“Love doesn’t exist.” She said simply.
“If you don’t love me, you at least have feelings for me.” He said rubbing his neck awkwardly with a feeling of rejection in his stomache.
She was silent.
“If you didn’t have feelings for me, you wouldn’t sneak into my room every night. You also wouldn’t put up with all my bullshit.”
“It’s called being a friend.” She said lying to herself and him.
“That complete and utter bullshit. Since when do you kiss all your friends?” He asked bringing up the other night when the both of them got really drunk and made out.
“I was drunk.” She said calmly.
“You know just because you were drunk isn’t really an excuse. You have to have some type of feelings for me other then I was the only person in the room when you got the urge to kiss someone.”
“Fine I like you.” She admitted.
“So you just like me, you don’t love me back?” He asked her walking closer to her.
“I don’t believe in love.” She said running her fingers through her dirty blonde hair. He could tell he was making her nervous just based on the fact she ran her fingers through her hair. As long as he had known her that was her nervous habit.
“Bull you’re just scared of love.”
“I’m not scared of love, it doesn’t exist.” She said walking towards the window.
“There is something wrong with you.”
“That I'm content with loneliness?” She asked swinging her leg out the window.
“Nobodies content with being lonely.” He said standing right next to her.
“I am.” She lied.
She walked through the park towards her house replaying her and Josh’s conversation in her head over and over again. Claire couldn’t understand why Josh didn’t understand why she didn’t believe in love. She came from a pretty much broken home. Her mum and dad really shouldn’t be together. They had done nothing but fight since she was about twelve. She always told herself if that was love she didn’t want it. She would rather be alone then live her life in misery.
She walked into the front door not even bothering trying to sneak back into her bedroom. She found her mom cooking breakfast in the kitchen.
“Claire Lynette Watson, where hell have you been young lady?” Her mother said the second she saw her.
“I was at Josh’s.” She said walking into the kitchen. She didn’t even bother trying to come up with a lie.
“What do you mean you were at Josh’s?”
“I mean I couldn’t sleep so around one I walked over to Josh and I went to sleep.” He said leaning against the counter.
“So are you and Josh now shagging?” Her mother asked terrified to truly find out the answer.
“No mother I’m not shagging Josh.”
“Then why the hell are you sneaking over there in the middle of night?”
“Because for some reason I can’t sleep without him.”
“Sounds to me like you’re in love.” He mother said turning back to the stove.
“Love doesn’t exist.”
“Honey your father and I are in love.”
“If that’s love I don’t want it.”
“Honey we may fight, but in the end I love your father.”
“I’d rather be lonely.” She said walking towards the hallway.
“Claire just think about you love Josh.”
“No I don’t mom.” She said rolling her eyes.
She spent the day by herself in her room. She didn’t feel like doing anything. She laid in bed thinking about how her mother and Josh were wrong she wasn’t in love. In order for her to be in love, love would have to exist. She saw love as drawn out lust.
When nightfall came she laid in her bed staring at the ceiling trying her hardest to sleep. Nothing was working. She tried counting sheep, drinking a glass of warm milk. Nothing was helping her heavy eyes go to sleep.
She heard a knock on her door and she had a feeling it was her mum.
“Come in.”
“So I see you can’t sleep.” Her mum said walking in and sitting on the edge of her bed next to where she was lying down.
“Nope I can’t.”
“You should go see him.” Her mom said rubbing her leg.
“He doesn’t want to see me.” She said saddened.
“Honey if he loves you he will.”
“I’m going to go then.” She said crawling out of bed. She walked over to the floor by her closet and picked up Josh’s flannel she took from his house today and put it on.
“Thanks mum.” She said walking out her bedroom door. She walked through the house and she quietly closed the front door. The second her feet hit the pavement she took off running towards Josh’s house. She was about to do something she rarely did, and that was admit she was wrong.
When she got to his house she stared at his open window for a few minutes not really moving. She couldn’t figure out if this was a bad idea or not. Her head was telling her to turn around and run home and her heart was telling her to clime through his window. She did something she usually didn’t do, she listen to her heart and climb through the window.
She stood at the foot of his bed and watched him calmly sleep for a minute before slowly crawling into bed next to him trying not to wake him.
“I see you couldn’t sleep.” He grunted while rolling away from her.
“I couldn’t, and you know why?” She said pulling the blankets up.
“Because you feel guilty for how rude you were to me today?” He asked holding his eyes closed.
“No because I realized I feel more for you then I admitted.”
“Tell me how you feel about me.” He said rolling and staring into her brown eyes.
“I realized that I like you a lot, and that I have never felt this way about anyone.”
“Do these feelings have a word?” He asked sitting up. He refused to give up. He was going to get her to admit that she loved him.
“What do you want me to say that I love you?” She asked staring into his steel blue eyes.
He was silent.
“I love you Josh.” As soon as those words left her mouth he crashed his lips into hers. She tangled her hands in his messy hair bringing herself as physically close to him as possible.
“I thought you didn’t believe in love?” He asked resting his forehead against hers as he stared into her eyes.
“You are the only exception.” She said smiling as he pushed a strain of her hair behind her ear.