Time Heals Nothing.

I stood outside arguing with my mind about whether or not to go in. I looked around me at the people on the streets, they wouldn't notice if i did. There was no one there anymore to tell me off, to stop me. I was just another soul wondering this earth to get away from my mind.

The one thing that had brought me here today was also the one thing stopping me.. my father. now many people would think this insane as he died almost 8months ago. But to me he carried on in my mind he was always there when i made a decision telling me whether it was right or wrong. I couldn't do anything to escape him and his haunting words.

I needed to get away and i hoped that this would work, something he hated the most and i loved but never could. I could hear him shouting at me telling me to walk away, that i would regret this. I stared at the huge shop window gripping the piece of paper in my pocket. it was now or never, so i took the handle in my hand and opened the door.

At once his voice stopped and i almost cried. 8 Months it had been since my mind belonged to just me. Now i had to share it with him. everyday i awoke with him commenting on everything i did. I stood frozen for what seamed forever until i heard a cool female voice ask me if i wanted any help. I joined back with my body and walked towards the counter she was stood behind.

"Uhm.. yeah, i was wondering if you have any empty slots today?" My voice barely louder than a whisper.
"Let me check" She smiled at me and checked the huge book in front of her. "We actually have one available in twenty minutes if you want to wait" she gestured towards the sofa's.
"Yeah sure" i smiled back and took a seat. About five Minutes later she walked over passing me a sheet of paper and asked for my ID. I filled it out and then handed her my ID. While waiting i couldn't help but stare at her skin. every inch was filled with beautiful artwork. Brilliant colours and patterns decorated her already amazing figure.

After a couple of minutes i was called into a small room where another beautiful creature sat. She told me to take a seat and to tell her what i wanted.. But what did i want, i clutched the piece of paper in my hand. No. That wasn't what i wanted.

What i wanted right now was to hear my dads voice one more time to tell me everything was going to be okay. i needed him here now telling me not to do this. That was when i knew what i wanted. I told the tattooist and after a couple of minuets she had ti drawn up and was placing the transfer onto my skin..

"is this the right position" she asked me, Smile on face.
"yes, its perfect" i agreed, the way it sat on my chest showed all my assets.

Right i want you to lay down on here and try stay as still as you can. I braced myself for the pain, the needle entering my skin. But it never came.. All i could feel was hurt, jealousy, disappointment.

As soon as the needle touched my skin memories flooded into my mind. Memories of my father..

'Dad buying me an ice-cream from the van as it pulled up at the park.. me not eating it quick enough and it melting.. dad shouting at me but running over and buying me another one anyway'

'Dad arguing with mum.. the fight.. mum crying all night'

'How mum got so sick..The way she looked so frail in her bed..the ambulance lights..The empty hospital bed'

'Dad drinking constantly..always down the pub..the burnt dinners i had made for myself to keep me from hunger'

'The arguments as i came in later and later every night'

'The police at my door..dads favourite hat in their hands blood covered it'

'The funeral.. Distant relatives i didn't even know.. everyone crying.. everyone but me'

After a sudden coldness i brought myself back to real life, the tattooist was cleaning my chest and wrapping it for me.. after telling me about after care and taking a photo she finally showed me the mirror.

I looked at my chest and read the words 'Time Heals Nothing'

-----------------------------------

How very fitting i thought. Never would i be able to escape my dads voice nor the memories of my mother & father as i grew up. But all i could do is learn.. learn to live without them and hope for the best.. it wouldn't always be like this. One day i would forget completely and it would only be when i have children of my own that i would remember..