Act of Kindness

Even after a week and a half off from the play, I was still in no mood to do anything. I wanted to stay in bed all day. I didn't want to eat or talk to anyone. And the last thing I wanted to do was perform.

But I had too.

So since Amanda passed and my week and a half of recovering from her death, I went back on stage. Every night I'd say a silent prayer to Amanda and go out on that stage where I know she's sitting in that front row seat. I made sure that seat was never used. I had a plaque made with Amanda's name etched on it. The seat was covered with flowers and various other things given in Amanda's memory. And every night, that was the first place I looked when I was on stage.

I know Patrick was worried about me. I barely talk when I'm home but he's been so patient with me. He holds me and comforts me every minute he can. I feel bad that I miss his playoff games because of the show or because I'm in no state to go. That doesn't mean I don't put the game on the TV, but I can't promise I'm paying attention.

I'm lucky I even remember my lines.

Patrick called his sisters to ask them for help with the wedding. Since they couldn't fly out, they did their best in Buffalo trying to get things ready.

I felt so useless.

To clear my head on Thursday, I walked to the restaurant for lunch alone. Brian and Julia offered to come with me, but I told them I needed some alone time. I had been practicing the songs and dances to make sure I hadn't forgotten them on my days off and today was just like every other day; I wanted to be in bed.

"Hey Kara."

"Hi Jimmy. How's it going?" I asked, trying to sound alive and well.

"I'm okay. How are you?" I shrugged, not really in the mood to explain.

"Can I have the usual?"

"Of course. I'll bring it to your table." I gave him a small smile and went to sit at my usual table. Pulling out my phone, I was greeted with a picture of Patrick and I from the short vacation in California. Julia had taken a picture of us from a distance, both of us wrapped in each others arms. She had sent the picture to me and I instantly put it as my lock screen on my phone. I smiled.

When I unlocked my screen, the next picture took away my smile. I had one of the best pictures of Amanda and I there. Every time I looked at it, it was torture but it was a way to remember her by.

"I'm sorry about your friend." Jimmy said, stopping the tears that were about to pour from my eyes. "I saw it in the paper. She seemed like a nice girl."

"She was, one of the nicest I've ever met." Jimmy looked around the restaurant before he sat down in the chair next to me, hands folded in front of him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He offered. I smiled lightly and put my hands over his. From my simple gesture, he understood, "Well if you ever want to talk to anyone, I'm always here for you Kara. But...if you don't mind me saying," He paused, gulping, "You can't always be strong. It's okay to break down sometimes. You've always been a strong woman, your head always up but...you've been through a lot. And sometimes you just need to let it out." I was taken back by this. Jimmy and I never had heart to hearts, not like this anyways and it was strange that it was happening...but comforting at the same time.

Jimmy played with my fingers, like he was afraid to look into my eyes as I hesitated a reply, "It's how I've always been. I try to be strong for everyone around me. If I can show I can get through this, than so can they."

"I understand but you shouldn't be afraid to look weak. There are a lot of weak people out there that need to know that they're not the only ones feeling that way."

I looked down at Jimmy's hands holding mine now. I never noticed the various bracelets he wore and the Chinese symbol inked onto his skin. But it wasn't the design of the bracelets or the odd symbol on his wrist that caught my attention...it was the red scars hidden beneath all of it.

When I looked back at Jimmy, he was looking at me. He knew I saw them. Was he trying to hide them or was that what he was trying to tell me? That he was suffering just as much as I was?

"Don't worry about me Kara." He whispered, just for me to hear. "I need to get back to work, but I'm always here for you."

---

Since I got home, I thought over Jimmy's words. I had never realized that Jimmy was suffering, from what I'm not sure. But aren't most people suffering in silence, not telling anyone that something is wrong? Yet, he was there telling me that I needed to let go. It just didn't seem right. Maybe I can talk to him tomorrow.

"Hey, you're home." I hadn't heard Pat come in the door until, I felt his lips kiss my cheek.

"You seemed pretty deep in thought." He commented, picking up a nearby banana and began peeling it.

"Yeah...just thinking about...stuff."

"Everything okay Kara?" I know Pat's concerned. My moods had taken a 180 since Amanda's passing and I tried not to make them too obvious but if Jimmy could tell I wanted to break down, so could Patrick.

"Yeah, there's just a lot of things to do and there doesn't seem like enough time."

"Well, my sisters are taking care of the wedding, your show only has a month or so left, we're beasting in the playoffs, and after all of that you and I," He came over wrapping his arms around my waist, "are going to get married and go on a fabulous honeymoon, picked out by yours truly and everything will be amazing." He finished with a grin.

"You sound so sure of yourself." I teased.

"I am very sure. Once hockey and your show is over, we'll have three months of vacation. Just you and me, happily married without a care in the world."

"And what happens if you win the Cup? You'll be busy all summer." I asked, wondering if he ever thought that one over.

"I'll do all the publicity stuff, we'll get married, go on our honeymoon, spend our day with the Cup, and then we'll be without a care in the world."

"I'm so proud you've thought this all through."

"I'm SuperKane...it's what I do. Now let's go nap before the game." He started to pull my hand.

"I've got to make dinner. Then I'll join you."

"I'll hold you to that." With one last kiss, Pat went to get ready for his nap and I prepared his pregame meal.

---

"Oh my goodness! She's alive!"

"Kawa!!" Nicky wiggled out of his mothers arms and ran over to me as I walked into the lounge with the rest of the families.

"Hey there handsome. I've missed you." I said picking up the Sharp boy and resting him on my hip.

"Kawa otay?"

"Yeah, Nicky I'm okay."

"It's good to have you back sweetheart." Abby said giving me a side hug. Some of the other WAG's greeted me kindly. No matter how many times I smiled, I just wanted this game to start and end so I can go home. This was my first game back and, just like performing, it reminded me of Amanda and her love for the team.

I would never say 'I wish I could forget her.' Who could actually say that? But right now, everything seemed to remind me of that little sister I had somehow adopted into my life only months ago. All of my memories were good ones, ones that make me smile but I can't stop my eyes from tearing up.

"How's her family been?" Abby asked as we walked to our seats for warm ups.

"They've been good, I guess. As good as one can be."

"You still keep in touch with them?" I nodded.

"I invited them to the wedding. I gave Amanda the invitation before..." Abby patted my arm in understanding.

"She'll be there. She wouldn't miss it."

"Kara?" Inside the suite behind us, Tyler stood his hands in his pockets. "Can I talk to you?" I handed Nicky to his mother and walked over to Tyler.

"Tyler." Since the hospital visit, I hadn't seen Tyler. Mostly, because I was busy with the show but that didn't stop the slight hiss in my voice as I said his name.

"How you've been?"

"Fine. Is there something you need?" I asked, running a hand through my hair.

"I wanted to talk to you about a foundation idea I had. It would be great if you could help me out." He sounded almost scared and nervous to ask me, as if I would bite his head off at any moment.

"What's your idea?"

"The Organization hasn't stopped talking about what you've done for Amanda and her family. And they want to help. They want you and Pat to kinda run this foundation."

"Tyler...it's a nice idea but I've already have a lot on my plate."

"You won't have to plan it. I'll have that covered. I just want to know if you and Pat will help out when we need you."

"What are you planning?" Tyler pulled out a binder organized with the plans for the project. He had contacts, blue prints, and sponsors listed on various pages.

"We were going to team up with the Blackhawks Charities, the WAG's, the Children's Hospital, and some other businesses to have a fair. It'll raise money for cancer research and we want to talk with Amanda's family and some others about having them be there."

I flipped through the binder, examining the different ideas. He had everything planned out, every detail perfect. Now, he was just waiting for the 'okay.'

"This is your idea?" I asked, not able to wrap my head around this. Tyler is the same slim ball that would hit on me and now he wants to create a charity event for my lost friend?

"Yeah, I kinda wanted to do something for Amanda...and you. I never saw it, but I knew she meant a lot to you and I think this will help you."

I couldn't deny that this was a good plan, and that I was slightly jealous of not thinking of it first, but I've got a wedding to plan. If the Blackhawks win the Cup, I've got Pat's media attention to think about, plus Pat's picked out a few houses he wants to look at so by next season we're moved in. I have yet to see my family since my birthday, and I'm still getting over Amanda. My mind and body were telling me that I had enough to do, but my heart...

"Sure...we'll do it. When?"

"We're thinking in August, just before training camp starts up. The team will be in town to help out, plus school hasn't started for the students and it'll be open in the evening so parents can go."

"Okay. If you need anything..."

"Don't worry about it. I've got it all taken care of." Tyler closed up the binder and was about to turn and leave when I stopped him.

"Tyler...why the sudden change?" He smirked, knowing exactly what my question meant.

"You're something Kara and it's time someone does something for you, for a change. I might have been...a little forward before but I like you. And you deserve it. You've done enough with the Organization and Amanda's family. It's about time you were honored for it." With that, he turned on his heel and left.

I didn't how to take this encounter at first, but after I mulled it over...I guess Tyler was right. He's helping with a good cause and to see the proceeds go to a cure for what took Amanda is all any friend and family member could hope for. They don't want to see anyone else go through the pain of burying their child.

"Kara! Come on, the game's about to start!" Madelyn said, breaking me from my trance. I smiled at the five year old and took a seat beside her.