True Love

‘Molly she’s gone, she’s really gone’ he sobbed into my shoulder.

‘I know’ he said softly as I stroked his wet hair.

‘But she had nothing to do with it! She wasn’t meant to get hurt!’

‘I know … I know’ I sighed as I held him tight.

‘oh my god, Lexi! Molly tell me Lexi is okay’ he shook his head as a tear ran down his face and mixed in with the rain battering off of it.

‘she’s fine … there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her’ I nodded sincerely. He breathed a sigh of relief.

‘I knew Donny wasn’t fucked up enough to shoot a baby’ he looked down.

‘actually’ I said looking away. ‘he went to your Mom’s looking for … he wanted to shoot Lexi’ It stung so much to say it.

‘what?!’ Justin shouted.

I nodded, ‘he would have as well, it was your Mom who saved Lexi. She locked Lexi in the bathroom and kept him away from her’

He just looked down and squeezed his eyes shut tight. ‘she saved Lexi’ he said quietly.

I nodded. ‘yeah … yeah she did’ he started to shake. I held him closer.

‘Justin I’m so sorry’ I said quietly as I kissed his forehead.

‘What? Why!’

‘If I hadn’t have been going to Africa you would still be in hospital, your Mom would be next to you. Lexi would be in the hospital with you guys and it would have been me that was at our place. It would have been me that got shot. It would have worked out better’ I looked down as I sat like Justin was.

‘What are you talking about?!’ he shouted over the thunder.

‘I’m talking about how it’s always me who does these things to you!’ I shouted back standing up.

‘No Molly, you’re the one who gets me through these things!’

‘because they’re my fault. Who did you have to carry around when they broke their leg?’

‘Molly you never asked me to do that, I wanted to!’

‘who was it that you broke up with, that caused you to sleep with Caitlin?’

‘That was my mistake not yours!’

‘who’s fault is this Donny mess? Who was the drunken slut that caused this all?!’

‘This mess is Donny’s fault! He took advantage of you!’

‘No! this is all my fault, can’t you see how much pain I’ve caused you?’ I was crying now as I realised what I was saying. I actually had done this all to him. I loved him. I loved him more than life itself. And I couldn’t hurt him anymore.

‘I think we should finish’ I cried.

‘what? No!’ he was crying too.

‘yes Justin! You would be so much better without me! I can’t hurt you anymore if we finish!’ I shouted as I turned and walked away.

Tears were running down my face.

‘Molly Muriel Fraser! Don’t walk away from this, don’t walk away from me!’

‘It’s better for you!’ I shouted. I knew I had picked the wrong time to do this, I mean the kid’s Mom just died. But it would be better for him. Would I miss him? Of course! Would I miss Lexi? Stupid question. Would I miss hurting Justin? Not one bit. Would I miss watching him cry, seeing him in a coma, having to have him pick up all the pieces of my shitty life? No.

I had decided. Nothing was changing my mind.

‘Molly! Why are you doing this to me?!’ he cried. I stopped walking when I came to my car and turned to face him.

‘Because I don’t wont to see you cry anymore tears because of me! I don’t want to be the one responsible for all of the pain you’re feeling! I love you too much for that!’ I shouted. He was only like 2 metres away from me but the rain and thunder were so loud I could barely hear myself think.

‘Molly they’re not because of you! You didn’t cause any of this!’

‘Yes I did Justin! I’ve put you through so much and for what?’

‘No Molly, you’re the one who got me through all of it! Who sat with me on the balcony when Caitlin said she was giving Lexi up? Who stayed with me after I cheated with the one person they hate? All you Molly! You’re the one who got me through everything I probably wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you! And no it’s not for nothing. Molly I love you more than any other person in this world. As we’ve seen I would literally take a bullet for you. Molly I love you so much it hurts!’

‘It hurts because I am such bad luck! You’re bet-’ He cut me off as he pushed me against the car gently as his lips hit mines. It literally took my breath away. I put my arms around his neck as he tangle his hand in my soaking wet hair.

‘Now will you stop saying everything’s your fault?’ he smiled.

I nodded and looked over to the hospital. Well I guess there was something that could change my mind.

‘you ready to go back in?’ I grabbed his hand.

‘I don’t know, it’s just gonna remind me that she’s gone, that she didn’t even get a proper goodbye’ he looked down, I could feel his hand shaking.

‘why not give her a proper good bye?’

‘she’s dead Molly’

‘but she’s still in there, she’s not gone yet’ I smiled a little.

He sighed, ‘you’re right, this will be the last time I see her’ I could see tears in his eyes. I wiped them away.

‘Hey, now what would your mum say if she saw you like this?’

‘I don’t know because she can’t say anything anymore’

I sighed, I don’t know what its like to lose a relative but I can only imagine how much it hurts.

We sat down. It was still raining and thundering but I had completely forgotten about that. Justin needed me to pull him through this.

‘Your Mom was a Christian right?’ I said quietly still holding his hand.

He looked at me and nodded. ‘well then wouldn’t it be fair to say that she’s in a better place now?’ I smiled a little.

He thought about it a little. ‘ no … the best place is for her to be here, with me, with us’ he looked down.

‘how do you know she’s not?’

‘because I was there when she flat lined Molly, I saw her go’ I tightened my grip on his hand as he said that.

‘well I don’t go to church or anything, and I don’t really believe in magic, but there has to be somewhere that you go when you die right?’

He just shrugged.

‘well I think there is and if I know your mum she’ll be watching you right now, making a fuss over how your shoes are untied or to tell you to get out of the rain and stop crying over her’ I smiled.

‘I’m not crying it’s rain’

I raised and eyebrow at him, ‘well then shed be telling your eyes to stop raining’

He laughed a little. ‘I know it’s hard to come to terms with but I really think you should go say goodbye to her’ I nodded.

‘I can’t, I just can’t, if I say goodbye then that means that she’s gone’ he cried.

‘I know … I know’ I rubbed circles on the back of his hand ‘but she’s gonna go either way and do you want her to leave without a goodbye?’

He shook his head. ‘will you come with me?’

I nodded, ‘of course’ I said quietly as we stood up and walked into the hospital dripping. We both took a seat beside her.

He let go of my hand and took hold of hers. He just looked at her.

‘what do I say?’ he asked quietly as he turned to look at me.

I shrugged, ‘I know it’s weird talking to a person who’s not gonna answer back’ I smiled a little, ‘but I managed to find a way’

‘no offence but I don’t really want to hit her with ping pong balls’ he laughed softly.

‘no …. no don’t do that … well I heard you earlier, why not tell her about Africa? She would have wanted to know right?’

He turned to his Mom and started to tell her all about our trip to Africa, but the story only lasted so long, then he had to face saying goodbye.

‘… you know Molly was saying that you’re going to a better place … and as much as I hate to say it she’s always right’ he laughed softly. ‘so you know while you’re up there don’t feel that you have to watch over me. Partly because you know how scared I am of ghosts and there’s so many better people there. You’ve got Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, Michael Jackson, Audrey Hepburn …. But if you do look over someone, watch over Lexi. We’re still not too sure what’s happening with her, so she could use you looking after her. I don’t I’ve got Molly’ I smiled a little. ‘as you can tell by the way she battered me with ping pong balls and when I beat her at Jenga while in the coma, she has her own way of looking after people. But she takes good care of me and you raised me well, so I’m gonna take good care of her.’ he took a deep breath in. ‘Bye Mom’ he kissed her cheek and fixed her covers.

He looked down at me and held out his hand. ‘come on I wanna go see Lexi’

We walked along the corridor doing our best not to slip. I showed his which room was Lexi’s. he smiled when he saw her name on the door.

We walked in to see a young man holding Lexi with a woman who looked about the same age peering over his shoulder grinning. There was a man in a suit sitting behind them.

‘I’m so sorry, there was nothing I could do’ the young nurse whispered to us as we walked in the door. I looked at Justin, just as confused as he was.

‘I’m sorry, can I help you?’ he asked confused.

‘You must be Mr Bieber, her father’ Justin nodded and grabbed my hand as the official looking man walked over to us. ‘I’m Mr King, I’m from Social services’