Skinny Love

Tonight’s the special night I introduce Lucy to the person who means the most in this world, right next to Lucy.

I can sense the nerves running in Lucy’s veins and I can see the faltering in her eyes as she takes in our surroundings.

My grandmother is standing before her, holding out her arms for Lucy to fall into, a smile stuck on her lips and her voice is excited. “It’s about time I meet you Lucy. Gerard talks about you non-stop.”

Lucy smiles back weakly and unsteadily sink into my grandmother’s arms. “It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Rush.”

“You got yourself a beautiful catch Gerard, she’s beautiful.” My grandmother says in awe as she holds Lucy’s shoulders, eyeing her up and down like a doll.

I bite back a light laugh as I see Lucy’s cheeks turn a crimson red. But then I feel a sting. Because I haven’t had that effect on her cheeks before.

“Oh, I’m really not.” Lucy speaks up quietly, hiding behind her hair.

My grandmother’s chest erupts in a laugh and she shakes her head, “Oh pish posh darling. Gerard’s the luckiest boy in Jersey right now.”

I interrupt, knowing Lucy is probably burning away the compliments. “I know grandma, she’s just being…shy.” I smile down at Lucy and she looks up, sending me a small glare.

I’m surprised she can muster up that much energy but I shrug it off with a kiss to her head.

“I’ll go check on dinner,” My grandma interjects and rushes off to the hustle and bustle going on in the kitchen.

“She’s really nice,” Lucy speaks up, giving me a small smile.

I smile broadly and wrap an arm around Lucy’s tiny frame, “She loves you already. Come on, I wanna show you something.”

I pull her towards the fireplace where it’s outlined to the tips with pictures of Mikey and I, dating back to when we were in the womb.

She puts her fingertips up to the ultra sound of me and a small sigh escapes her lips.

“You are loved.” She whispers.

I grab her hand and kiss her fingertips gently. “You are lovely.”

The corners of her lips tug up but not enough to form a smile, just a small teaser.

I point towards the picture I want to show her. I see her eyes connect with it.

It’s a rather silly photo actually. I am dressed in green tights, a green poncho and my cheeks are puffy with a smile.

“I was Peter Pan in sixth grade. I got so much shit for it but it’s a funny and kind of proud moment.”

Her chest vibrates but she makes no sound. I know she’s laughing though. Because this time a smile is on her face and her eyes are lighting up.

The smile is gone as soon my grandma peeks her head in from the kitchen doorway and speaks the words, “Dinner is ready.”

I can feel her tiny frame tense up next to me and the grip she held on my hand loosens.

I didn’t bring her hear to force her to eat under pressure. I didn’t want her to force herself to do something she didn’t want too. But she needed to do it, because she was getting sicker and sicker every day.

I lead her towards the kitchen where my grandmother, my mother, my father and my brother are seated, chatting away at the dinner table.

Lucy met them last winter and she knows their voices by heart.

She takes a seat next to me, across from my mother and Mikey, with my grandmother and father seated at the ends of the table.

“Dig in,” my grandmother speaks up and gestures to the plates.

I take a small glance at Lucy and see her eyebrows knit together. She doesn’t know how much to take and how much she can get away without eating.

I grab her plate playfully and serve just enough for her to swallow lightly but still get some in her system.

She sends me an empty look and her eyebrows relax. No one at the table notices. At least I don’t think they do.

But I look up and catch Mikey raising an eyebrow but my grandmothers voice breaks through it.

“So Lucy, what did you think of Gerard when you first met him?” She raises an eyebrow, showing a little more of Mikey in her face and she winks over at me.

Light laughs balance among the table and I see her cheeks turn crimson again.

“He pestered me a lot,” she speaks up, her voice stronger than before but it holds a smidge of laughter. “But he always caught my eye and I was kind of surprised he broke the silence between us.”

My eyes widen and I feel a poke of relief in my stomach. I send her a grin.

“Way to annoy the girl first Gerard,” Mikey snickers, earning a small glare from me.

“The Way’s never give up. How do you think I got your mother to actually notice me,” My father chuckles and places his hand atop of my mothers.

“Don, that’s because you practically jumped in front of moving cars to talk to me.” More laughs balance over the table, including a faint one from Lucy.

Dinner is over quickly and no one glances over at the small portions Lucy has managed to swallow down.

“You let him bring you around here for dinner more often; a little more curves wouldn’t hurt.” My grandmother playfully shakes Lucy’s shoulders.

I notice the change in Lucy’s face and a wince brushes her features for a split second.

“I won’t hide her from you grandma,” I smile and walk into her arms, engulfing her in a hug. She kisses me head and sends me off to my car with another hug to Lucy and the words of a quick goodbye.

As soon as we are inside my car, I feel the walls come up and Lucy stays quiet. I want to break the silence but I know she is resenting me for putting her through the environment of food and five pairs of eyes potentially watching her.

All that is heard for the next while is the low hum of my radio and the sound of my tires driving against the pavement.

My hand reaches out to grab hers but she moves away quickly and looks towards her window. I sigh and look back on the road.

The tension is thick and I feel like I am breathing warm air. Neither of us have said a word, but on instinct I lean over and plant a small kiss on her forehead once he reach her house.

“Thank you for coming tonight,” I speak, my voice low but soft.

She nods and bites her lip, looking down at her hands.

She turns to give me a quick look. I can read through her features. She is mad but the anger she holds is like glass. It is there but breakable at any moment.

I kiss her forehead one last time before she steps out of my car.

I watch as she steps inside. I can almost hear her feet gliding up the stairs and the creak of the hinges on her doors. A few minutes later I hear the flush of a toilet.

-

The sun is setting; the sky is colliding orange and reds into the ocean so the moon will turn up and light up the town with shadows.

I look over at the passenger seat in my car, empty for a few more minutes until I pick up Lucy and we are off on another one of our adventures.

But tonight’s adventure will have a detour, because I have questions for her that I need answered.

I pull up to her home. It is the classic home every family wants. The white detailed picket fence, the red brick house with black white shutters, a lawn filled to the brim with flowers and plants and the giant white door, welcoming anyone with a heartbeat inside.

I can feel her heartbeat’s heaviness through that door and I can feel it in my bones.

The doorbell rings after my fingers press it lightly, sending a hello to the house.

Lucy answers it, her skin is pale and her eyes hold dark bags that she has tried to conceal with makeup. But I can see the crack of the powder she has used and I sigh internally, not wanting to upset her. Because even though she looks almost dead, I think she is beautiful and extraordinary and I would never use my words to hurt her.

“Hello,” I smile and hold out my hand for her to take.

She glances backwards, over her shoulder as if she’s hiding from someone but turns back around quickly and smiles weakly, “Hi.”

She grabs my hand and I lead her to my car where I open the door for her and close it once she’s inside.

My hand feels empty as soon as she lets go but I let it slide off my back, knowing she is right beside me.

This drive is longer than usual. I am taking us to a secluded place that she hasn’t seen yet. It overlooks our small city and you can feel the city lights shining right in your eyes.

Her breathing is steady but I can tell she’s tired. Her anger from a few nights before is gone. Broken down and scattered.

She notices the ever green features before us on the road and she speaks up, “They might never find the body.”

It is a joke and she is laughing lightly. I laugh back but it doesn’t exactly connect with my smile.

Our footsteps crunch over the leaves beneath our feet and I grab one hand onto Lucy’s and the other is grabbing the small picnic basket I have packed. Our voices are enough to fill this area of trees and mousy grass with life.

I throw a blanket over the grass, big enough for the both of us to sit on. I smile over at her, taking her in the moonlight.

Her teeth nibble on some crackers I’ve packed as we talk about normal things. School, music, movies.

I feel a small weight descend on my shoulders and I swallow thickly. There is no easy way to say this. So I just say it. It comes out thick and heavy but I know she hears me and it rings in her ears.

“Lucy, you need help.”