Meet Me on Thames St.

I sat on Chase’s bed going through the book. I still can’t believe he kept an eye out for my writing. I was flattered. He even had little comments on the back of each page. He never really expressed his thoughts on my work back in high school. This was a big change and it was nice. I felt like my writing was being appreciated. I had many readers, I knew that. He was different though. He meant even more.

I had come in here after my conversation with Eric and decided to distract myself. I was avoiding the thoughts of Eric being scum. I was avoiding the pain I felt for Tara. I was also trying to hide the facts, the facts that I and Tara were similar. We both deserved the truth. We’ve both been denied that. Neither of us would ever be in a truly happy relationship, until we got that.

“Hey, I didn’t think you’d be in here.” Chase said opening the door

“Hey, what are you doing back so soon?”

“Tara thought we should get out for dinner instead.” He smiled

“Oh”

He seemed to pick up on my thoughts “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. I just talked to Eric. He’s going to tell Tara everything.” I mutter

He nods “I know how you feel. I didn’t know if the truth was worth destroying everything.”

“It’s not destroying it. If a whole relationship is based on a lie, it isn’t real so there is nothing to destroy. She deserves the truth. Everyone has the right to know the things that affect them.” I explain

“You’re completely right and I feel like we aren’t talking about Eric and Tara anymore.” He says calmly

“I want answers. You owe me that.”

“You’re right” he slowly sat next to me on the bed “Ask me anything, I’ll answer everything honestly.”

I thought for a moment.

“Why did you really leave town?” I ask

“I hated that place.”

“Yeah and I hate the smell of Charlie’s cologne. That doesn’t mean I’m just going to pack up and leave because of it.” I snort

He shook his head “You don’t understand.”

“Then help me understand it.”

He sighed and took a moment to think “It’s like some of the memories in that town were too much. They cut like knifes. I couldn’t sit there every day and watch it slowly eat at me. The town held a lot that I had to let go of.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that? Why didn’t I get a goodbye?” I snap

“Because you were the one thing that could keep me in this town.” He snapped but then seemed to relax “You were like my addiction. You gave me this feeling of relief and sense of happiness, but then like any drug, it wears away when you’re not there. The town was the downfall of a drug, the hole that addict digs themselves. When you weren’t around the pain from the memories was still evident. I couldn’t stay, but I couldn’t leave you. If I saw you, I wouldn’t be able to leave. So I left a letter, I knew it was a dick move. It was the only way to deliver the news.”

“It wasn’t the only way. And what about the letters? Why did you send them? What was the point of leaving in paragraphs?”

“I left without giving a goodbye. But you were my everything. I lost the best part of me that day. I was never good when it came to my words. I could never bear to say the three words that meant the most. I couldn’t leave without you knowing my feelings. The letters were all the words, I had left unspoken. So I wrote them.”

“Why didn’t you ever give me an address? Or even call me? You made this such a one way conversation.” I say as I grew angrier

“I don’t really know, I think it was to keep you a dream. It was so I could imagine you were still missing me, as much as I missed you. I didn’t want to know if you moved on. It was a way of saying my feelings from a safe place. It was a way so I didn’t feel the loss of losing you, again. Let’s be honest, we didn’t stand a chance in the real world. You can’t shoot love in real time.”

He put his hand on mine. His eyes looked into mine, as if looking inside me. It gave me chills.

“Ashley, I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. But every day I regret leaving you. Nothing is the same without you. I’ve seen beautiful places, but I still felt a void. That void I’ve had since I left you. It pains me every day and twice on Sunday, to know I had everything I ever needed. And I messed that up. You’re all I need.”

I pulled my hand away and felt the tears form “Chase, you left and never looked back, You didn’t even consider my feelings. I-“

Chase cut me off there “I said everything honestly. You’ll still never forgive me, though. And you don’t have to. Everything I said is everything you can’t take. And I don’t blame you. But please, tell me to move on, then.”

And with that he walked swiftly out of the room.

-

The dinner was awkwardly quiet. Eric seemed annoyed. I felt strange. Chase seemed tense. Tara seemed oblivious to it all, though.

That hurt me more. She was laughing and talking as if we were still in high school. She didn’t know how much has changed since then. She didn’t know her boyfriend had become a cheater and a liar. She didn’t know her best friends had resentment towards each other. She didn’t know the secret everyone had been hiding from her.

I began to cringe at the thought. I was lying to her. Even though, she left me without an explanation I wasn’t upset. She left and didn’t say goodbye, but I don’t blame her. She was head over heels for Eric and didn’t want to lose him. She meant so much to me and yet I was okay with it. I was okay because I wanted her to be happy.

Oh I am such a hypocrite! I wanted Chase to be happy. But I was being selfish and got angry. He was right. He had reasons for leaving. They all did. But no one said goodbye. Or let me know about any of their plans. They were all wrong. But how could I blame one and not the other?

Chase was what made me the happiest and when he left I felt empty. But that was wrong of me. He left because he couldn’t take that town. The town his brother died in, the town that his father beat him in, the town that held so many bad memories, I couldn’t blame him for never coming back. He wasn’t happy there.

“We should go to the bar!” Tara squealed snapping me out of my thoughts

“Let’s not” Chase mumbled

Tara looked at Eric to support her suggestion. He just stayed quiet.

“c’mon, it’ll be fun.” She pleaded

Yeah the tensions and secrets between us aren’t enough. Now let’s add alcohol to this equation, shall we? Am I the only one who sees this only leading to a disaster?