Stay With Me

“You don’t have to tell me the rest,” I whispered hugging him tighter.

“I want to,” he replied pulling back to look at me, “I want you to know. I don’t want to keep anything from you.”

“Okay,” I nodded preparing myself for what he was going to tell me.

“We were on tour the day I got the call to say he was sick. I didn’t know what to do, I wanted to be home with my family but I knew I couldn’t let the boys down. Plus, my dad would have kicked my ass if I’d have pulled out of the tour. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. Over time he slowly got worse. I couldn’t stand seeing him like that; so sick and helpless. It didn’t take long before it got worse and then a few months ago he-” Dan couldn’t finish the sentence, and he didn’t have to. I knew exactly what he was going to say.

He was only just hanging on by a thread. I could see he was close to breaking, but he wouldn’t let himself go. I pulled him closer to me and just held him. I wanted to do something to take away his pain, but I knew all I could do was be there for him when he needed me. I know what grief is like; I’ve dealt with it before. I’m still dealing with it now. Something like this doesn’t just get stashed away in a box for later.

“I know how hard it is. But you have to live with it and through it, not just for your dad but for yourself. That’s the only way it’ll ever get better.”

“What happened?”

“I was 16, Noah was 18. Our parents went out for dinner one Friday night; they said they’d be gone late, so when the police showed up in the middle of the night Noah and I were in bed. They didn’t even make it to dinner when a drunk driver ran a red light,” I took a deep breath to calm myself down before continuing, “Dad was driving, he died on the scene. Mom, she died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Because Noah was 18 he was considered my legal guardian and since then it’s just been the two of us. That was why I started working for Marky, I was only an intern at first, and I figured it’d be a good distraction. But, after 6 months he hired me, and I haven’t stopped working since then, I couldn’t,” I didn’t realise I was crying until Dan gently ran his thumbs across my cheeks to wipe away the tears that had fallen.

“Does it get better?” He asked with a pained expression. I wanted to lie and say that everything would be fine. But I couldn’t lie to him, especially not about this.

“Slowly,” I replied squeezing his hand in mine. “It’ll be hard and it’ll take time. It doesn’t hurt as much anymore but I still don’t understand why they’re gone, I honestly don’t think I ever will. You just have to give yourself time to heal.”

“Okay,” Dan breathed, “thank you,” he said brushing his lips against mine. I couldn’t resist so I leant in and pressed my lips firmly to his.

“I’m here for you, whenever you need me,” I smiled.

“Knock knock,” Bobbi-Jo said poking her head through the door. “Sorry to interrupt, but they need you for sound check.”

“Oh, yeah, I’ll see you after the show then,” Dan smiled kissing my cheek. His lips lingered there longer than necessary, making my skin burn.

“Good luck,” I called as he disappeared out of sight.

“What’s up?” Bobbi-Jo asked sitting next to me on the couch.

“Dan,” I sighed relaxing back into the couch. She looked at me as if to say go on, “it’s a long story.”

“You should know by now that I’m a good listener.”

“He told me about his dad.”

“Did you tell him about your parents?” I nodded in response; I didn’t really know what to say. I couldn’t understand how he could be going on tour so soon after all that had happened. I wouldn’t have had the strength.

“Do you miss them?” I asked looking over at Bobbi-Jo.

“Who?”

“You’re family,” I replied. “You moved to London from Australia when you graduated high school, you see them once a year. Don’t you miss them?”

“Of course I do, but I call them a lot. Plus, work keeps me so busy that most of the time I don’t get the chance to think about it that much,” she shrugged.

“Oh,” I breathed playing with the hem of my sweater. I was a little upset when she just shrugged it off. I’d give everything I had to be able to just call my mom and see how she was doing or text my dad to find out when he’d be home from work.

“I’m sorry,” she sighed picking up on my mood. “I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay, really.”

“Come on,” she smiled grabbing my hand, “let’s go see how the boys are doing,” she led me off the bus and across the parking lot to the back doors of the venue. We flashed our passes and slipped inside.

“Rhi,” Rob called making his way toward us, “just the person I’ve been looking for.”

“What’s up?”

“Can you give Ollie a hand later; he has some ideas for some new merch.”

“Yeah, definitely, that sounds awesome,” I smiled as Rob thanked me and ran off somewhere. “Are you coming to watch sound check?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Bobbi-Jo said awkwardly.

“Are you blushing?” I teased.

“What? No,” she answered quickly staring at the floor.

I tried to hold back a smile, but failed as we went through another set of doors that led to the heart of the venue. I definitely needed to talk to Max about getting her and Josh together. This was going to be so much fun.

“I thought you were supposed to be doing sound check?” I said raising an eyebrow at the boys in front of me. It was the band against some of the crew in a game of soccer with Chris as the goalie.

“We were,” Dan shrugged. “Wanna play?” He asked balancing the ball on the top of his foot before flicking it up and kicking it to Max.

Josh turned around when he realised we were there. I watched as his face lit up when he spotted Bobbi-Jo. He went bright red and his shoes suddenly became way more interesting than us. She was blushing furiously as looked everywhere but at Josh. I glanced over at Max and he winked at me to let me know that he had noticed their little awkward exchange too.

“You in?” I asked nudging Bobbi-Jo.

“Yep,” she replied still not looking at Josh. I shook my head and went to stand with Dan. “I guess I’m on your team then,” she said standing beside Ollie.

“Can I have a kiss for good luck?” Dan pouted wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

“You can have a kiss whenever you want,” I grinned pressing my lips to his.

“Hey, lovebirds, we’ve got a game to play,” Jonathan yelled sarcastically.

We spent the next hour laughing and chatting while kicking around the soccer ball before Ollie and I had to get the merch table set up. With Bobbi-Jo’s help we had it all organized in 40 minutes or so, which was great. Within 15 minutes of having everything sorted the doors were opened and the room began to fill up with people.

“I’ll catch you guys later,” Bobbi-Jo said, “I need to get a good spot in the photographer’s pit.”

“Okay, see you after the show, good luck,” I called after her as she pushed her way through the crowd.

Ollie and I were running around like crazy trying to help everyone out. I couldn’t believe how many people were here. I knew that tonight’s show was a sell-out, but I wasn’t expecting anything like this. Thankfully once the boys were due to start the crowd had died right down, giving Ollie and I a chance to sit down.

They were amazing, to say the least. I never really payed all that much attention to how much effort and energy they put into their music until now. They worked together perfectly. Josh’s vocals were flawless, Matt’s bass lines sent shivers down my spine, Dan put everything he had into his drumming, Max was amazing and Chris’s riffs were incredible.

“Rhi, do you want a break?” Jim asked coming to stand beside me.

“Are you sure?” I asked hoping he’d say yes. I was dying to be able to watch the rest of their set backstage.

“Yeah, go for it,” he grinned shooing me from the merch table.

“Legend, thank you,” I smiled making my way toward the stage. I flashed my pass to security and headed backstage for the rest of the show. They were just finishing with Liquid Confidence when Josh announced that Fireworks was their next song.

“This one’s for a diamond in the rough; to the bravest man I knew. This one’s for Dave,” Josh said into the microphone his voice wavering.

My eyes welled with tears as I watched the crowd sing along with Josh, he was doing his best to hold it together but it was obvious he was struggling. Max, Chris and Matt put everything into playing the song.
My attention was on Dan though. He was sitting behind his drum kit with his head bowed. He never once looked up during the song, and I didn’t blame him. Even though I knew what it was like to lose a parent, I had no idea what it would be like sitting on a stage where thousands of fans could realise how vulnerable you were.

During the middle of the song, where it was just Josh and the guitars, Dan hung his head and leant on his drums. In that moment it occurred to me that these were 5 of the strongest people that I had ever met in my 19 years. Though I hadn’t known them all that long, I knew that they’d been through a lot of difficult times together. Despite that, they were still here, standing on this stage in front of thousands of people, doing what they loved. They weren’t just 5 boys in a band anymore, they were 5 men, 5 best friends, who spent all their time creating something beautiful to share with the world. I felt proud to be able to say that I knew who these men were, that I was friends with them, that I had the honour of enjoying their music from behind the scenes.

Before Josh had stopped singing Dan grabbed his stuff and ran off the stage. Josh followed almost straight away, with Matt close behind, which left Max and Chris on stage. They ended the song and left the stage. Their guitars were left with Jonathan and Dean as they all hugged and said a few words to Dan. I stayed where I was because I didn’t want to intrude on the moment they were having.

Dan spotted me over Josh’s shoulder and I smiled weakly. He started to walk towards me and I met him halfway. Without saying a word I enveloped him in a hug, my arms around his neck. Dan wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

“Thank you,” he breathed in my ear before slowly releasing his hold on me. I left my arms around him as I pulled back to look up at him.

“For what?” I asked absentmindedly playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“For being here,” he replied resting his forehead on mine.

“Always,” I smiled pressing my lips to his lightly.

“Hey mate,” Dan and I pulled away from each other to look at Max, “are you okay to go back on? If you don’t want to that’s cool.”

“No, it’s fine. Let’s go,” he replied squeezing my hand before following the rest of the band back on stage.

Without a doubt, they were the strongest people I knew.