Stay With Me

I was curled up in my bunk with my headphones in, Second and Sebring by Of Mice and Men blaring into my ears. I thought I was going to get the morning alone on the bus but when I heard commotion in the front lounge I stopped my music to hear who was disturbing my silence.

“I just don’t understand, Josh,” Dan said.

“Listen, mate, she’s having a really hard time and she just needs someone right now.”

“But why doesn’t she need me?” He cried.

I could picture the two of them sitting together on the front lounge, Dan with his head in his hands and Josh trying to comfort him. I wanted him to be the one that looked after me. Dan’s the first guy I’ve ever liked this much, or wanted this much. But after what happened, the thought of being that close to someone scared me. I could barely hug anyone in fear of being touched, and I was afraid he’d want to jump straight back into what we were before all of this. Where we’d kiss and be all coupley and everything would be perfect.

“She does need you,” Josh sighed.

“Clearly she doesn’t.”

“Wait, are you jealous? That’s what this is really about isn’t it? You’re jealous of Max, aren’t you? That’s why you’ve been acting all pissy.”

“No! That’s ridiculous, why would I be jealous?” I could picture Josh giving Dan the ‘you’re a terrible liar’ look. “Alright, alright, I’m jealous. Are you happy now?”

“You need to talk to her,” Josh said.
“She won’t talk to me, we haven’t spoken since she was in hospital,” Dan sighed.

“Well, you talk and she can listen. You just need to sort this out,” Josh replied. There was movement and then the bus doors closed.

When I thought the coast was clear I opened my curtain and rolled out of my bunk. I was headed for the back lounge when Dan called my name. I thought they’d both left. Damn it Josh, why couldn’t you have taken him with you? I didn’t say anything or turn around; I just kept walking and closed the door behind me. I heard footsteps and then Dan pulled open the door.

“Talk to me, please,” Dan pleaded sitting on the couch next to me.

I hugged my knees to my chest and waited. I knew he was going to talk whether I replied or not.

“I don’t understand why you won’t talk to me, or look at me. I’ve tried to help you, as much as I can, but you won’t let me. I know you heard Josh and me before. So you know how I feel. Not being able to be near you or talk to you is killing me, Rhi. I like you more than I can express in words. That first day I met you at your office, I knew I had to get to know you better. When we ran into each other at that club and I thought that Noah was your boyfriend, I was so jealous because some guy had already ruined my chances. Then you asked me to stay with you, I was so nervous because no one had ever made me feel like you did in one day,” he paused for a moment and all I could do was sit there as tears began to run down my cheeks. I shrank back into his hoodie, inhaling the smell of him.

“I know you need time, and I’m willing to give you all the space that you need. I just want to be able to talk to you, and to comfort you when you need it. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m here for you if you need me and I’m not going anywhere,” he finished.

I sat there silent as the tears continued to fall. He made no attempt to leave yet. I could feel him watching me, his stare made goose bumps rise on my arms. When I didn’t say anything he just sighed and stood up. It was now or never. I couldn’t let him leave. I didn’t want him to leave. I needed him, now more than ever.

I grabbed his hand, my stomach fluttered at the contact. “Stay with me,” I said my voice just above a whisper.

Dan turned around and I looked at him for the first time since he’d started talking. A crooked smile spread across his face and his blue eyes shone as he looked down at our intertwined fingers. He sat down beside me on the couch and rested our hands on his thigh. Neither of us said anything as I watched his thumb lightly trace small circles on the back of my hand. Heat spread from my hand, to my wrist and up my arm. My heart was beating so irregularly I thought I might pass out.

“Please don’t cry,” he whispered wiping at my tear soaked cheeks.

“I’m so sorry,” I said looking up into his eyes, my eyes beginning to water again, “for hurting you, for everything.”

“Don’t be,” he smiled and squeezed my hand.

I managed a small smile and let my head fall onto his shoulder. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I was so mad at myself for not having sorted this out sooner. The way I’d been acting was pathetic.

“For the record,” I started looking up at him, “I do need you.”

For a long time he didn’t do anything except look down at me. I couldn’t do anything but look back at him. His blue eyes had me trapped; there was no way I could break his gaze.

“Thank you,” he finally said.

“For what?” I asked. What could he possibly want to thank me for? I haven’t done anything but hurt him this last week.

“For helping me,” he shrugged.

“With what?”

“My dad,” he said simply.

“Oh, well, I’ll always be here to help,” I smiled.

“Will you come somewhere with me?”

“Now?” He nodded. “Okay,” I shrugged and he stood up and pulled me toward the front of the bus.

I quickly snatched my phone off my bed as we walked through the bunk area and into the front lounge. Dan pulled out his phone and typed quickly before putting it back in his pocket.

“Where are we going?” I asked knowing he probably wouldn’t tell me anyway.

“It’s a surprise,” he grinned and grabbed my hand. I rolled my eyes and laced our fingers together.

I let him lead me inside the venue they’d be playing tomorrow. A few people had to look twice when we walked past. I don’t think people were expecting to see me out and about so soon. News clearly travels fast, because people who weren’t even at the club were sending me looks of sympathy. It was making me rather uncomfortable to be honest. I just hoped that wherever Dan was taking me was close.

“We’re here,” he said as we walked through a doorway and into a room.

It looked similar to the dressing rooms. A few couches were spread around the room and there was a table off to one side. Jim was sitting at the table, papers were scattered in front of him and he looked like he was drawing.

“Hey, mate,” Dan said sitting down beside him. I sat down in a chair on the other side of Dan wondering what the hell was going on.

“What do you think?” Jim asked holding up a piece of paper.

My mouth dropped open and I almost gasped. It was beautiful. Jim had hand drawn a human heart. Across it was a scroll with Dad written on it. The more I looked at it the more I wanted to cry. That’s when I noticed all the tattooing equipment on the table.

“It’s perfect,” Dan smiled through watery eyes. I reached for his hand under the table and squeezed it gently. He squeezed back and smiled over at me.

“Where do you want it?” Jim asked.

“My forearm,” he said laying his right arm on the table.

We chatted about nothing in particular while Jim transferred the outline of the design to Dan’s arm and set up his equipment. I’d never watched anyone get tattooed before, or been tattooed myself so I had no idea what to expect.