Rockstar Lost
Amberleigh
“911, what’s your emergency?” the woman on the other line asked.
“I’m in labor,” I said, trying to keep my breathing under control.
“Ma’am is there anybody there that can help you?” she asked calmly.
“No, just me,” I answered, leaning over the kitchen sink.
“Alright ma’am, what is your name?”
“Riley.”
“Okay Riley, listen to me. I’m going to send the paramedics over but I need you to stay on the phone with me, okay?”
“Okay,” I managed, cringing as another pain struck my lower abdomen.
“How far along are you?”
“Roughly nine months.”
“Ok, what I need you to do is to sit down somewhere and try to get as comfortable as you can in your situation.”
“Oww!” I yelled, trying to concentrate on the dispatcher.
I slowly made my way over to the chair and crouched down on my knee with my elbows on the cushion, phone still in hand.
“Are you sitting down now?”
“Yes,” I replied, the contractions giving me a break.
“How far apart would you say your contractions are?” she asked.
“I don’t know, two, maybe three minutes apart.”
“You need to take a deep breath and breathe out slowly, focus on that. It will help us both out if you do this.”
I did what she said to the best of my abilities while another contraction started.
I wasn’t sure how long it had been before a knock came from the door. It wasn’t locked so I told them to come in with a clipped tone. The dispatcher told me I could hang up now since they were here and I would be taken care of.
A mid-aged woman with a ponytail came in first and started asking me questions I didn’t think were important at the moment. She had me lay down and helped me get situated onto a stretcher. “My name is Teri and I’m going to be here with you until we get to the hospital. I know it’s hard, but I need you to relax. We’ll get something for the pain if you want as quickly as we can.”
I nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine,” I mumbled as she talked in to the paramedics in doctor terminology.
There were two other men helping her and I hadn’t noticed they had taken off my pants until one of the guys said that I was dilated to a 7.
“We need to get her there quick,” the same one said.
Teri asked me the same questions the dispatcher did, such as allergies, name, DOB, and etc. They then lifted me and carried me to the stretcher with wheels.
On the way to the hospital, they gave me some kind of drug that made me sleepy and numbed the pain a little while telling me the baby wouldn’t be affected.
It didn’t seem like a long time before we reached the hospital and I was rushed into the maternity ward. There, they helped me change into a gown and strapped two stretchy belt things around my stomach with a monitor on it. They explained that it could read when I was having a contraction and the baby’s heart rate.
I was scared, nervous, and alone. Although everyone was nice, I wanted Ricky here. He would have just as nervous but he would have taken care of me first. Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried to push him from my mind. I dried them just before the doctor came in.
“Alright Riley, it is important that if you want the epidural, we do it now or else we won’t be able to. If you wait, I’m afraid the epidural won’t be successful in time,” he said.
I nodded my head and signed the paperwork.
“Good. The anesthesiologist will be in shortly, but I’m going to check you before he does. The EMT told me you were at a seven when you left your home.”
“How much longer?” I asked.
The doctor propped my legs up and I could feel him checking the cervix. To say it hurt was an understatement.
“Oww…” I whimpered.
“Okay, it looks like you’re almost dilated to an eight, so I would say about another hour or so. We won’t start pushing until you’re at a ten,” he answered, making me wish it was already done and over with.
The doctor left and five minutes later, my epidural arrived.
2 hours and 19 minutes later…
“Pushpushpush,” the nurse coached as I held my breath and bore down.
It was weird not knowing if I was actually pushing or not, considering I couldn’t feel nothing below my stomach.
After what seemed like an eternity of pushing and sweat covered foreheads, a low wail come from the doctor’s hands.
“Riley, you have a little girl!” he said exclaimed.
Amberleigh was here. Every pain, every push was worth it to hear that sound.
My excitement was short lived when they started using doctor slang again and hurried about with her. Instead of putting her in my arms, she was placed in a clear incubator.
“What’s wrong?” I immediately asked with concern.
“It seems to be that she’s having some problems breathing. We’re going to clean her up and run some quick test that won’t hurt her. We just need to make sure she’s alright,” the same nurse who had been here with me said.
“Will I be able to hold her?” I asked, worried more about her now.
“You won’t be able to hold her but we can touch her. Don’t worry, she’ll be fine. We’ll take her in the other room where we can better concentrate on her. We need to get you taken care of as well,” she stated.
I then realized they were still working on my lower end and the numbing was starting to wear off.
I inhaled a sharp breath as I felt a pain in my abdomen.
“I’m sorry it hurts, but we have to massage the uterus in order to make the bleeding stop and close up.”
It hurt like hell.
Finally they finished and put what looked like a foot long pad between my legs and gave my flimsy, see through underwear.
3 hours later…
After my assisted shower, I was wheeled to the NICU where Amberleigh was and it would be the first time I actually got to see her.
I almost cried when I saw her because she looked so small in her plastic cubical and I wanted nothing more than to hold her.
I looked to one of the staff and she grinned, nodding her head towards the two holes on the side on the sides.
Sliding my hands into the gloves, I lightly touched her hand and fingers. She was warm and looked like a doll.
Her chest rose and fell with a laborious attempt, almost like she was struggling to breath. I prayed maybe I was just being overly paranoid and it might not be as bad as It looked to me.
“Hey little one, can you hear me?” I asked, knowing she was asleep but not caring. “It will be okay, sweetheart. We’ll be out of here soon.”
I spent another fifteen minutes with her before they made me return to my room. I wasn’t disappointed though because while I was with her, she opened her eyes for me once before drifting back off to sleep.
Once I was in my room and my bed, I noticed how tired I truly was. Jacqueline, the nurse who had been my primary caretaker, informed me that supper would be around in a few minutes. I glanced at the clock and was taken back at how early it was; even though it seemed like the day had taken forever, it was only seven o’clock.
Jackie, as she allowed me to call her, was almost ready to change shifts. Before she left, I decided to ask her about Amberleigh’s progress.
“The doctor thinks she may have a slight heart condition, although we’re not sure of the severity yet because she is so small. Running test like that would put a lot of stress on a newborn baby, so we’re doing what we can right now. So after you eat, get some rest. You need it.”
“Thanks Jackie, for being honest with me.”
“No problem hun,” she said as she walked out the door.
I thought it was a bit ironic that I had a nurse named Jackie because I used to watch a show called Nurse Jackie.
Soon the food lady came by with the trays and laid one on the positionable bed stand.
I had the the plate almost empty half an hour later, all except the celery sticks.
Pushing the table away from me, I turned on the TV and fell asleep.
*!@@!*
I woke up to the sound of shuffling feet. It was more like a jog but from twenty people. Opening my eyes, I saw that it was 3am. Two nurses were rushing down the hall and suddenly a monitor went off somewhere.
My first thought was Amberleigh, but I dismissed it, knowing I was probably being paranoid. But it changed when I heard our last name being said amongst the hustle and bustle.
Oh no!
I did my best to climb out of bed without hurting myself or breaking anything and walked as fast as I could to my baby. It was hard to do, considering I just had heard not even 24 hours ago and thing were still sore.
No one seemed to notice my hurried self as I made my way down the hall. Then again, it seemed empty right now.
As soon as I got close to her room, my worst fears were confirmed.
At least ten doctors and nurses, mixed, were working over my daughter.
“Becky, I need you to get me the papers. I don’t she’s going to come back.”
“NO!” I yelled, rushing to her side as quick as possible.
“Ben, get her out of here!” the man said as he continued to pump at her little chest as gently but quickly as possible.
“I want my daughter! LET ME GO!” I yelled and tried to get to her. Tears soaked my eyes and blurred my vision as I continued to scream. I felt the one man’s arms around me and he started to pull me away from the room. I crumpled to the ground, going numb. The nurses came out of nowhere and helped him carefully remove me from the area.
Once they had me back in my room, they gave me a light sedative. A few minutes later, the doctor who did CPR on Amberleigh walked in and came over to the bed. My tears increased their wetness.
“Mrs. Shea, we brought her back, but she’s not going to last long. Her vitals are so low that we’re surprised she came back to us. She suffered from what we believe is Dilated Cardiomyopathy, a malformation in her heart. If you would like, we could bring her in to you. I’m sorry,” he said.
I could honestly see he was sincere when he said that and I slowly nodded my head. I wanted to hold her. At least once.
He left and a few minutes later, they rolled her in and placed her in my arms. She was still breathing but barely and I understood what they meant. I kissed her forehead and cradled her as close to me as possible. She opened her eyes, looked at me for what seemed like eternity, closed them and sighed a deep, heavy sigh. And she was gone.
“I’m in labor,” I said, trying to keep my breathing under control.
“Ma’am is there anybody there that can help you?” she asked calmly.
“No, just me,” I answered, leaning over the kitchen sink.
“Alright ma’am, what is your name?”
“Riley.”
“Okay Riley, listen to me. I’m going to send the paramedics over but I need you to stay on the phone with me, okay?”
“Okay,” I managed, cringing as another pain struck my lower abdomen.
“How far along are you?”
“Roughly nine months.”
“Ok, what I need you to do is to sit down somewhere and try to get as comfortable as you can in your situation.”
“Oww!” I yelled, trying to concentrate on the dispatcher.
I slowly made my way over to the chair and crouched down on my knee with my elbows on the cushion, phone still in hand.
“Are you sitting down now?”
“Yes,” I replied, the contractions giving me a break.
“How far apart would you say your contractions are?” she asked.
“I don’t know, two, maybe three minutes apart.”
“You need to take a deep breath and breathe out slowly, focus on that. It will help us both out if you do this.”
I did what she said to the best of my abilities while another contraction started.
I wasn’t sure how long it had been before a knock came from the door. It wasn’t locked so I told them to come in with a clipped tone. The dispatcher told me I could hang up now since they were here and I would be taken care of.
A mid-aged woman with a ponytail came in first and started asking me questions I didn’t think were important at the moment. She had me lay down and helped me get situated onto a stretcher. “My name is Teri and I’m going to be here with you until we get to the hospital. I know it’s hard, but I need you to relax. We’ll get something for the pain if you want as quickly as we can.”
I nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine,” I mumbled as she talked in to the paramedics in doctor terminology.
There were two other men helping her and I hadn’t noticed they had taken off my pants until one of the guys said that I was dilated to a 7.
“We need to get her there quick,” the same one said.
Teri asked me the same questions the dispatcher did, such as allergies, name, DOB, and etc. They then lifted me and carried me to the stretcher with wheels.
On the way to the hospital, they gave me some kind of drug that made me sleepy and numbed the pain a little while telling me the baby wouldn’t be affected.
It didn’t seem like a long time before we reached the hospital and I was rushed into the maternity ward. There, they helped me change into a gown and strapped two stretchy belt things around my stomach with a monitor on it. They explained that it could read when I was having a contraction and the baby’s heart rate.
I was scared, nervous, and alone. Although everyone was nice, I wanted Ricky here. He would have just as nervous but he would have taken care of me first. Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried to push him from my mind. I dried them just before the doctor came in.
“Alright Riley, it is important that if you want the epidural, we do it now or else we won’t be able to. If you wait, I’m afraid the epidural won’t be successful in time,” he said.
I nodded my head and signed the paperwork.
“Good. The anesthesiologist will be in shortly, but I’m going to check you before he does. The EMT told me you were at a seven when you left your home.”
“How much longer?” I asked.
The doctor propped my legs up and I could feel him checking the cervix. To say it hurt was an understatement.
“Oww…” I whimpered.
“Okay, it looks like you’re almost dilated to an eight, so I would say about another hour or so. We won’t start pushing until you’re at a ten,” he answered, making me wish it was already done and over with.
The doctor left and five minutes later, my epidural arrived.
2 hours and 19 minutes later…
“Pushpushpush,” the nurse coached as I held my breath and bore down.
It was weird not knowing if I was actually pushing or not, considering I couldn’t feel nothing below my stomach.
After what seemed like an eternity of pushing and sweat covered foreheads, a low wail come from the doctor’s hands.
“Riley, you have a little girl!” he said exclaimed.
Amberleigh was here. Every pain, every push was worth it to hear that sound.
My excitement was short lived when they started using doctor slang again and hurried about with her. Instead of putting her in my arms, she was placed in a clear incubator.
“What’s wrong?” I immediately asked with concern.
“It seems to be that she’s having some problems breathing. We’re going to clean her up and run some quick test that won’t hurt her. We just need to make sure she’s alright,” the same nurse who had been here with me said.
“Will I be able to hold her?” I asked, worried more about her now.
“You won’t be able to hold her but we can touch her. Don’t worry, she’ll be fine. We’ll take her in the other room where we can better concentrate on her. We need to get you taken care of as well,” she stated.
I then realized they were still working on my lower end and the numbing was starting to wear off.
I inhaled a sharp breath as I felt a pain in my abdomen.
“I’m sorry it hurts, but we have to massage the uterus in order to make the bleeding stop and close up.”
It hurt like hell.
Finally they finished and put what looked like a foot long pad between my legs and gave my flimsy, see through underwear.
3 hours later…
After my assisted shower, I was wheeled to the NICU where Amberleigh was and it would be the first time I actually got to see her.
I almost cried when I saw her because she looked so small in her plastic cubical and I wanted nothing more than to hold her.
I looked to one of the staff and she grinned, nodding her head towards the two holes on the side on the sides.
Sliding my hands into the gloves, I lightly touched her hand and fingers. She was warm and looked like a doll.
Her chest rose and fell with a laborious attempt, almost like she was struggling to breath. I prayed maybe I was just being overly paranoid and it might not be as bad as It looked to me.
“Hey little one, can you hear me?” I asked, knowing she was asleep but not caring. “It will be okay, sweetheart. We’ll be out of here soon.”
I spent another fifteen minutes with her before they made me return to my room. I wasn’t disappointed though because while I was with her, she opened her eyes for me once before drifting back off to sleep.
Once I was in my room and my bed, I noticed how tired I truly was. Jacqueline, the nurse who had been my primary caretaker, informed me that supper would be around in a few minutes. I glanced at the clock and was taken back at how early it was; even though it seemed like the day had taken forever, it was only seven o’clock.
Jackie, as she allowed me to call her, was almost ready to change shifts. Before she left, I decided to ask her about Amberleigh’s progress.
“The doctor thinks she may have a slight heart condition, although we’re not sure of the severity yet because she is so small. Running test like that would put a lot of stress on a newborn baby, so we’re doing what we can right now. So after you eat, get some rest. You need it.”
“Thanks Jackie, for being honest with me.”
“No problem hun,” she said as she walked out the door.
I thought it was a bit ironic that I had a nurse named Jackie because I used to watch a show called Nurse Jackie.
Soon the food lady came by with the trays and laid one on the positionable bed stand.
I had the the plate almost empty half an hour later, all except the celery sticks.
Pushing the table away from me, I turned on the TV and fell asleep.
*!@@!*
I woke up to the sound of shuffling feet. It was more like a jog but from twenty people. Opening my eyes, I saw that it was 3am. Two nurses were rushing down the hall and suddenly a monitor went off somewhere.
My first thought was Amberleigh, but I dismissed it, knowing I was probably being paranoid. But it changed when I heard our last name being said amongst the hustle and bustle.
Oh no!
I did my best to climb out of bed without hurting myself or breaking anything and walked as fast as I could to my baby. It was hard to do, considering I just had heard not even 24 hours ago and thing were still sore.
No one seemed to notice my hurried self as I made my way down the hall. Then again, it seemed empty right now.
As soon as I got close to her room, my worst fears were confirmed.
At least ten doctors and nurses, mixed, were working over my daughter.
“Becky, I need you to get me the papers. I don’t she’s going to come back.”
“NO!” I yelled, rushing to her side as quick as possible.
“Ben, get her out of here!” the man said as he continued to pump at her little chest as gently but quickly as possible.
“I want my daughter! LET ME GO!” I yelled and tried to get to her. Tears soaked my eyes and blurred my vision as I continued to scream. I felt the one man’s arms around me and he started to pull me away from the room. I crumpled to the ground, going numb. The nurses came out of nowhere and helped him carefully remove me from the area.
Once they had me back in my room, they gave me a light sedative. A few minutes later, the doctor who did CPR on Amberleigh walked in and came over to the bed. My tears increased their wetness.
“Mrs. Shea, we brought her back, but she’s not going to last long. Her vitals are so low that we’re surprised she came back to us. She suffered from what we believe is Dilated Cardiomyopathy, a malformation in her heart. If you would like, we could bring her in to you. I’m sorry,” he said.
I could honestly see he was sincere when he said that and I slowly nodded my head. I wanted to hold her. At least once.
He left and a few minutes later, they rolled her in and placed her in my arms. She was still breathing but barely and I understood what they meant. I kissed her forehead and cradled her as close to me as possible. She opened her eyes, looked at me for what seemed like eternity, closed them and sighed a deep, heavy sigh. And she was gone.
♠ ♠ ♠
Okay, so now you know what happened to Amberleigh. Any thoughts or comments?