Sequel: A Past To Repeat Itself ›
Status: Completed!
A Lifetime to Struggle
I miss you.
"Yeah she's over here....No- No I don't have a clue what's going on.... She seems really upset Matt, I--..... Yeah okay..... No, don't worry about coming here to get her. I think she need's to get away from the house. Come pick her up tomorrow okay babe?" Natalia said quietly, trying to hide that fact that she had called Matt to ask about me randomly showing up at her house in the middle of the night.
"Okay, i'll see you tomorrow." She said before hanging up the phone, and coming back into the small living room of her apartment.
I looked up at her, as she looked down at me. Her gaze was soft, and full of sympathy even though she had no idea what had just happened.
"It's Brian isn't it?" She asked, sitting down beside me on the couch, pulling me over to her.
So maybe she did know. But not to the full extent.
I slowly nodded my head.
"Aw, Hunny, what happened?" She asked, as I started crying again. I felt bad for crying over this. There's so much other stuff is this world worth crying over then some stupid boy that I just so happen to love.
"Brian finally got to me today." I stated, sniffling. " He brought home my high school enemy, and then let a bunch of anger out on me."
"Why didn't you punch him out?" She asked.
I laughed quietly. "Because. It's hard to explain."
Natalia grabbed me by the shoulders, and made me face her.
"Obviously this has really gotten to you Harmony. If you keep it all inside you, it'll make things worse for you later on in the future. It's best to just get it all out now, even if I won't understand. But i'll try my best too."
I bit my lower lip. She had a point. I couldn't go on forever with everything bottled up. I let it all out on Jimmy the last time I did, and I felt super bad about it.
I nodded and wiped away my tears.
"Evan came over the other day, and we were gonna sleep together. But then i found it wrong, and that I didn't like him like i thought I did. I picked out a lot of things I thought was wrong with him, but then I realized that there was nothing really wrong with him. He just wasn't Brian."
Natalia tilted her head to the side, and merged her eyebrows together.
"I thought you hated him now though?" She asked.
"I thought that too! So I spent some time alone, and tried to decipher my feelings, and wrote everything down. Then I took a stroll through memory lane, and I realized that my feelings for Brian have always been there, constantly growing inside me, I just didn't let myself know because I was scared. Then when Brian and I got into this giant argument earlier, I told him. I told him that, what I was feeling was more then just liking him. I told him I love him, because I do. I love him so much, that it's killing me to have walked away from him like that."
Natalia sighed, and hugged me again.
"That's a lot to keep bottled up Harms."
"I know." I agreed, sighing. I might have felt a bit better knowing I could finally tell someone this with out being judged, but being completely better was a hell of a lot farther away.
"So what made you walk out on him?"
"He became a rock star douche bag, and ended up getting to a place he know's I don't ever talk about. My heart basically shattered." I replied.
Natalia stayed quiet, hugging me tightly. She didn't say anything for a while so I knew she couldn't find the right words to say.
"You don't need to say anything you know. I just need to vent." I stated, breaking our hug.
She nodded. "Do you want some coffee or something? Let's go from the beginning, and I promise you, we'll find out something we can do to fix this."
"Yeah, sure." I said, wiping away more tears from my eyes, and sitting up properly on the couch.
"So, Tell me everything. How you met Brian for starters." She said, walking into her kitchen with was right beside the living room.
" I've known him since I was a baby. I grew up with the boys." I explained.
"Right. What about your first time hanging out as teenagers?"
I laughed, remembering that time. "I went over to his place with Matt, and he thought it was weird having me in his home. In the end though he invited me back the next day, and we just.. hit it off from there." I smiled, remembering his face from when he was so young.
"What about high school?" She put the coffee beans into the coffee machine, and turned it on. Then she leaned on the counter and talked to me from there.
"High school was a bit different since i'm two years younger. Everyone kind of dropped out besides Bri. But while we all went together, they did their thing, I did mine. Everyday at lunch we'd all get together and talk, and have fun. He always used to stick up for me when Kelsey- That bitch I told you about- came around. It was a pretty normal high school life."
Natalia nodded slowly, squinting her eyes at me.
"And after high school?" she asked.
"The record, the music, the band. University for me." I replied shrugging.
"So you've never left his side basically?" She asked.
I nodded. I've been there for him the whole time. I've seen it all, i've helped him through it all.
And this is what I get in return. A broken heart.
"What's your favorite memory?"
I laughed. "I couldn't pick. There's to many moment's in our friendship that have made the top 100 moment's of my life, list."
"Tell me some. You guy's seem to have an interesting relationship," She smiled at me and I gave her a weak smile back.
"Well.. there's one from when we first moved here. He was trying to set up the TV, and no matter what he did, it wouldn't turn on. So I walked over to investigate, and It wasn't plugged in. He was so mad." I said laughing. " Or this one time we went for a drunk walk in the park, and we were just howling, and having heart to heart talks about everything. Or going to the beach and him throwing me into the water. Oh! And him trying to teach me how to play guitar. I suck so bad at it, but he kept me going, laughing hysterically..." I felt pain ring through out my whole body. His face appearing in my mind, his laugh booming in my ears.
"I miss him." I said quietly.
I wanted him here, with me. Hugging me, talking to me like he used to, laughing with me. I felt weird knowing Brian and I weren't talking to each other. It was unnatural.
"Maybe I should go back--"
"No!" Natalia exclaimed. "No, You-you can't go back. As much as you may want to, he need's to experience first hand the pain that you're feeling. I know Bri's being a dick lately, but I know he still has his feelings for you, and that he's probably worried sick about you." she explained.
"More of a reason to go back." I stated getting up from the couch.
"No, It's not." Natalia said, rushing over and forcing back onto the couch. "He need's this. This is his reality check. He'll be back to the old Brian and then you two can fix thing's for yourselves. Understand?" Her eye's blared into mine, showing me that she was being more serious then ever, and that she'll do almost anything to make me stay.
Knowing that this was one battle I couldn't win, I slumped onto the couch and stayed there.
I take back what I said a week ago.
Leaving Brian was by far, the hardest thing i've ever had to do.
"Okay, i'll see you tomorrow." She said before hanging up the phone, and coming back into the small living room of her apartment.
I looked up at her, as she looked down at me. Her gaze was soft, and full of sympathy even though she had no idea what had just happened.
"It's Brian isn't it?" She asked, sitting down beside me on the couch, pulling me over to her.
So maybe she did know. But not to the full extent.
I slowly nodded my head.
"Aw, Hunny, what happened?" She asked, as I started crying again. I felt bad for crying over this. There's so much other stuff is this world worth crying over then some stupid boy that I just so happen to love.
"Brian finally got to me today." I stated, sniffling. " He brought home my high school enemy, and then let a bunch of anger out on me."
"Why didn't you punch him out?" She asked.
I laughed quietly. "Because. It's hard to explain."
Natalia grabbed me by the shoulders, and made me face her.
"Obviously this has really gotten to you Harmony. If you keep it all inside you, it'll make things worse for you later on in the future. It's best to just get it all out now, even if I won't understand. But i'll try my best too."
I bit my lower lip. She had a point. I couldn't go on forever with everything bottled up. I let it all out on Jimmy the last time I did, and I felt super bad about it.
I nodded and wiped away my tears.
"Evan came over the other day, and we were gonna sleep together. But then i found it wrong, and that I didn't like him like i thought I did. I picked out a lot of things I thought was wrong with him, but then I realized that there was nothing really wrong with him. He just wasn't Brian."
Natalia tilted her head to the side, and merged her eyebrows together.
"I thought you hated him now though?" She asked.
"I thought that too! So I spent some time alone, and tried to decipher my feelings, and wrote everything down. Then I took a stroll through memory lane, and I realized that my feelings for Brian have always been there, constantly growing inside me, I just didn't let myself know because I was scared. Then when Brian and I got into this giant argument earlier, I told him. I told him that, what I was feeling was more then just liking him. I told him I love him, because I do. I love him so much, that it's killing me to have walked away from him like that."
Natalia sighed, and hugged me again.
"That's a lot to keep bottled up Harms."
"I know." I agreed, sighing. I might have felt a bit better knowing I could finally tell someone this with out being judged, but being completely better was a hell of a lot farther away.
"So what made you walk out on him?"
"He became a rock star douche bag, and ended up getting to a place he know's I don't ever talk about. My heart basically shattered." I replied.
Natalia stayed quiet, hugging me tightly. She didn't say anything for a while so I knew she couldn't find the right words to say.
"You don't need to say anything you know. I just need to vent." I stated, breaking our hug.
She nodded. "Do you want some coffee or something? Let's go from the beginning, and I promise you, we'll find out something we can do to fix this."
"Yeah, sure." I said, wiping away more tears from my eyes, and sitting up properly on the couch.
"So, Tell me everything. How you met Brian for starters." She said, walking into her kitchen with was right beside the living room.
" I've known him since I was a baby. I grew up with the boys." I explained.
"Right. What about your first time hanging out as teenagers?"
I laughed, remembering that time. "I went over to his place with Matt, and he thought it was weird having me in his home. In the end though he invited me back the next day, and we just.. hit it off from there." I smiled, remembering his face from when he was so young.
"What about high school?" She put the coffee beans into the coffee machine, and turned it on. Then she leaned on the counter and talked to me from there.
"High school was a bit different since i'm two years younger. Everyone kind of dropped out besides Bri. But while we all went together, they did their thing, I did mine. Everyday at lunch we'd all get together and talk, and have fun. He always used to stick up for me when Kelsey- That bitch I told you about- came around. It was a pretty normal high school life."
Natalia nodded slowly, squinting her eyes at me.
"And after high school?" she asked.
"The record, the music, the band. University for me." I replied shrugging.
"So you've never left his side basically?" She asked.
I nodded. I've been there for him the whole time. I've seen it all, i've helped him through it all.
And this is what I get in return. A broken heart.
"What's your favorite memory?"
I laughed. "I couldn't pick. There's to many moment's in our friendship that have made the top 100 moment's of my life, list."
"Tell me some. You guy's seem to have an interesting relationship," She smiled at me and I gave her a weak smile back.
"Well.. there's one from when we first moved here. He was trying to set up the TV, and no matter what he did, it wouldn't turn on. So I walked over to investigate, and It wasn't plugged in. He was so mad." I said laughing. " Or this one time we went for a drunk walk in the park, and we were just howling, and having heart to heart talks about everything. Or going to the beach and him throwing me into the water. Oh! And him trying to teach me how to play guitar. I suck so bad at it, but he kept me going, laughing hysterically..." I felt pain ring through out my whole body. His face appearing in my mind, his laugh booming in my ears.
"I miss him." I said quietly.
I wanted him here, with me. Hugging me, talking to me like he used to, laughing with me. I felt weird knowing Brian and I weren't talking to each other. It was unnatural.
"Maybe I should go back--"
"No!" Natalia exclaimed. "No, You-you can't go back. As much as you may want to, he need's to experience first hand the pain that you're feeling. I know Bri's being a dick lately, but I know he still has his feelings for you, and that he's probably worried sick about you." she explained.
"More of a reason to go back." I stated getting up from the couch.
"No, It's not." Natalia said, rushing over and forcing back onto the couch. "He need's this. This is his reality check. He'll be back to the old Brian and then you two can fix thing's for yourselves. Understand?" Her eye's blared into mine, showing me that she was being more serious then ever, and that she'll do almost anything to make me stay.
Knowing that this was one battle I couldn't win, I slumped onto the couch and stayed there.
I take back what I said a week ago.
Leaving Brian was by far, the hardest thing i've ever had to do.
♠ ♠ ♠
Thing's are so much easier to write when you finally get to the good part.Comment's are nice, and so is rice.
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