Sequel: A Past To Repeat Itself ›
Status: Completed!
A Lifetime to Struggle
Get away.
"What the hell happened?!" Matt exclaimed, as I came up from Harmony's room.
I examined the mess I had made last night. Broken table, broken window, Shattered plates, glass everywhere. It seemed as though a tornado had came through here.
He looked at me and I shrugged. I didn't want to be around anyone right now. I wanted Harmony to be here, to be back to normal and make me breakfast. Actually, I wanted to make her breakfast. She would see that I wasn't such a dick, and then the most beautiful smile would appear on her face, and she'd wrap her small arms around my torso, giving me a tight squeeze.
I imagined it happening in my head. It felt so real, that I had almost said something out loud.
I let my head drop, and my shoulders slump forward as I walked around the mess and to the fridge for a drink.
"What were you doing in Harmony's room?" Matt asked.
"Sleeping." I replied, my voice showing no emotion.
"Do you have any idea why she went to Nats house at two in the morning?" He asked.
I felt my heart stop, then beat again. At least I knew she was with someone trust worthy, and that she was okay. But where did she go for a few hours before that? Surely it wasn't that late when i got home last night.
"No." I lied. I pulled out some milk, and looked for a glass to drink it out of. I realized I had broken many of them. So I undid the cap, and chugged it from the carton.
"Did you guy's have an argument while the guys and I were at the bar?" Matt asked.
"Sure." I replied, wiping my mouth with my arm.
Before I could even comprehend what was happening, I was being pinned against the fridge, the milk falling onto the floor.
"I swear to god, If you hurt her-"
"I didn't" I growled feeling sick that he would accuse me of such thing. Emotionally, i might have. But he was thinking physically, which only angered me. "And I would never hurt her."
Matt kept his glare on me, warning me with his eye's that I was a dead man if i did hurt her, and that Harmony was off limits from now on.
I shoved him off me, tired of him thinking he can push me around.
I bent down to pick up the now half empty milk carton. I placed it on the counter, and sighed.This was a pretty bad mess I made, so I guess I should be the one to clean it.I hated cleaning though. It wasn't really in my nature to do so. But if Harmony came back, then I didn't want her to see what I did. She would have assumed it was from something else, and not just me freaking out over what had happened.
I grabbed a broom, and swept up the glass, carefully placing my feet so I didn't cut myself.
"What happened last night?" Jimmy asked, rubbing his eye's.
I looked up at him and sighed. "I had a break down." I confessed.
"You okay dude?" He asked, jumping up on the counter.
I shook my head. "No, i'm not."
Jimmy folded his arms over his chest, giving me a look that demanded my attention.
"And why is that?" He asked.
"Because I fucked up big time." I replied, feeling the pain or guilt and regret surge through my body.
"How so?" He asked, his voice quite calm for a guy who's best friend is dying inside.
"I brought Kelsey home with me last night an--"
"Oh ho ho, what a bad idea." Jimmy said chuckling darkly.
"Thanks tips." I rolled my eyes. " So... I lost control of myself and I got mad at Harmony. In the end, she told me everything. That she was always nice to me because I was a good person, no matter what I did. " I inhaled deeply, her face coming to mind. "She loves me you know.."
Jimmy nodded. "I know." He stated. "Quite a bit to be honest."
I looked back up at him. "You knew?" I asked.
"Of course. Harmony came to me when this all started. She didn't know at the time, but I could tell. It was bound to happen sometime."
I watched as Jimmy smiled at me. I should have known she would have went to him. Fuck, thing's wouldn't of gone this way if I maybe even talked to Jimmy about it.
"And you love her too."
I shook my head. "No, I don't love her." I replied. " I care about her, I like her a lot, but love is a whole new thing." I argued.
"You'll have to admit it to yourself Syn. I get that you're scared because of what happened before, Who wouldn't be scared? But I know you better then you know yourself, and I know that you love her." Jimmy said, with his most serious voice yet.
But he was wrong. I didn't love Harmony. I liked her more then anyone else in the world, but I know It wasn't love. It couldn't be love. That was something i'm incapable of.
Love is indescribable feeling, and I could tell you how I felt about Harmony. When I saw her, i got this weird bubbly feeling in my chest, and my stomach did tricks. My eye's always followed her because of the glowing vibe she had around her all the time.
See, That's clearly not love.
But what if it was? What if I did in fact love Harmony? What would I do then? Would I tell her? I can't just tell her. She didn't just tell me. She brought it up in a heated argument, a time where it made me freeze every working thing in me. If I did love her, the simple 'I love you' wouldn't work. Not now anyways. Not after what I've managed to put her through.
But i didn't have to plan this. I didn't love her, and I know that.
"Tell her." Jimmy said.
"For fuck sake Jimmy!" I shouted. "I don't fucking love anybody okay? If I did, I'd be fighting to get her back right now. I would be wanting her here with me, pretending nothing has ever happened!"
That's exactly what I was doing though. I threw the broom to the floor and headed up to my bedroom. I slammed the door shut, frustrated that maybe, just maybe, Jimmy was right.
I grabbed a dufflebag from under my bed, and began throwing anything I could find into it.
I grabbed a pair of jeans, and a purple shirt, and quickly put those on, while grabbing my car keys, and zipping up the bag. I ran down the stairs, putting on my shoes, and went into the kitchen. I thought of the journal I found yesterday, and quickly ran down to Harm's room.
I found it laying as it was when I found it, picked it up and threw it in the bag as well.
"What are you doing?" Jimmy asked, looking confused as I came up the stairs.
"I'm leaving for a few days. I can't- I can't be here knowing she'll be back soon, and that as soon as she walks through that door, I'll be dropping to my knee's, begging for forgiveness. I have to think." I replied, my mind rushing faster then my body. I patted my coat pocket for my wallet, and my keys, before I was out the front door and starting up the car.
Where I am going? I don't have a clue. I just need to get as far away from here as possible.
I examined the mess I had made last night. Broken table, broken window, Shattered plates, glass everywhere. It seemed as though a tornado had came through here.
He looked at me and I shrugged. I didn't want to be around anyone right now. I wanted Harmony to be here, to be back to normal and make me breakfast. Actually, I wanted to make her breakfast. She would see that I wasn't such a dick, and then the most beautiful smile would appear on her face, and she'd wrap her small arms around my torso, giving me a tight squeeze.
I imagined it happening in my head. It felt so real, that I had almost said something out loud.
I let my head drop, and my shoulders slump forward as I walked around the mess and to the fridge for a drink.
"What were you doing in Harmony's room?" Matt asked.
"Sleeping." I replied, my voice showing no emotion.
"Do you have any idea why she went to Nats house at two in the morning?" He asked.
I felt my heart stop, then beat again. At least I knew she was with someone trust worthy, and that she was okay. But where did she go for a few hours before that? Surely it wasn't that late when i got home last night.
"No." I lied. I pulled out some milk, and looked for a glass to drink it out of. I realized I had broken many of them. So I undid the cap, and chugged it from the carton.
"Did you guy's have an argument while the guys and I were at the bar?" Matt asked.
"Sure." I replied, wiping my mouth with my arm.
Before I could even comprehend what was happening, I was being pinned against the fridge, the milk falling onto the floor.
"I swear to god, If you hurt her-"
"I didn't" I growled feeling sick that he would accuse me of such thing. Emotionally, i might have. But he was thinking physically, which only angered me. "And I would never hurt her."
Matt kept his glare on me, warning me with his eye's that I was a dead man if i did hurt her, and that Harmony was off limits from now on.
I shoved him off me, tired of him thinking he can push me around.
I bent down to pick up the now half empty milk carton. I placed it on the counter, and sighed.This was a pretty bad mess I made, so I guess I should be the one to clean it.I hated cleaning though. It wasn't really in my nature to do so. But if Harmony came back, then I didn't want her to see what I did. She would have assumed it was from something else, and not just me freaking out over what had happened.
I grabbed a broom, and swept up the glass, carefully placing my feet so I didn't cut myself.
"What happened last night?" Jimmy asked, rubbing his eye's.
I looked up at him and sighed. "I had a break down." I confessed.
"You okay dude?" He asked, jumping up on the counter.
I shook my head. "No, i'm not."
Jimmy folded his arms over his chest, giving me a look that demanded my attention.
"And why is that?" He asked.
"Because I fucked up big time." I replied, feeling the pain or guilt and regret surge through my body.
"How so?" He asked, his voice quite calm for a guy who's best friend is dying inside.
"I brought Kelsey home with me last night an--"
"Oh ho ho, what a bad idea." Jimmy said chuckling darkly.
"Thanks tips." I rolled my eyes. " So... I lost control of myself and I got mad at Harmony. In the end, she told me everything. That she was always nice to me because I was a good person, no matter what I did. " I inhaled deeply, her face coming to mind. "She loves me you know.."
Jimmy nodded. "I know." He stated. "Quite a bit to be honest."
I looked back up at him. "You knew?" I asked.
"Of course. Harmony came to me when this all started. She didn't know at the time, but I could tell. It was bound to happen sometime."
I watched as Jimmy smiled at me. I should have known she would have went to him. Fuck, thing's wouldn't of gone this way if I maybe even talked to Jimmy about it.
"And you love her too."
I shook my head. "No, I don't love her." I replied. " I care about her, I like her a lot, but love is a whole new thing." I argued.
"You'll have to admit it to yourself Syn. I get that you're scared because of what happened before, Who wouldn't be scared? But I know you better then you know yourself, and I know that you love her." Jimmy said, with his most serious voice yet.
But he was wrong. I didn't love Harmony. I liked her more then anyone else in the world, but I know It wasn't love. It couldn't be love. That was something i'm incapable of.
Love is indescribable feeling, and I could tell you how I felt about Harmony. When I saw her, i got this weird bubbly feeling in my chest, and my stomach did tricks. My eye's always followed her because of the glowing vibe she had around her all the time.
See, That's clearly not love.
But what if it was? What if I did in fact love Harmony? What would I do then? Would I tell her? I can't just tell her. She didn't just tell me. She brought it up in a heated argument, a time where it made me freeze every working thing in me. If I did love her, the simple 'I love you' wouldn't work. Not now anyways. Not after what I've managed to put her through.
But i didn't have to plan this. I didn't love her, and I know that.
"Tell her." Jimmy said.
"For fuck sake Jimmy!" I shouted. "I don't fucking love anybody okay? If I did, I'd be fighting to get her back right now. I would be wanting her here with me, pretending nothing has ever happened!"
That's exactly what I was doing though. I threw the broom to the floor and headed up to my bedroom. I slammed the door shut, frustrated that maybe, just maybe, Jimmy was right.
I grabbed a dufflebag from under my bed, and began throwing anything I could find into it.
I grabbed a pair of jeans, and a purple shirt, and quickly put those on, while grabbing my car keys, and zipping up the bag. I ran down the stairs, putting on my shoes, and went into the kitchen. I thought of the journal I found yesterday, and quickly ran down to Harm's room.
I found it laying as it was when I found it, picked it up and threw it in the bag as well.
"What are you doing?" Jimmy asked, looking confused as I came up the stairs.
"I'm leaving for a few days. I can't- I can't be here knowing she'll be back soon, and that as soon as she walks through that door, I'll be dropping to my knee's, begging for forgiveness. I have to think." I replied, my mind rushing faster then my body. I patted my coat pocket for my wallet, and my keys, before I was out the front door and starting up the car.
Where I am going? I don't have a clue. I just need to get as far away from here as possible.
♠ ♠ ♠
SUP BRIAN. Y U NO WANNA STAY? Guess you'll have to stick around to find out now won't you? :D