A Lifetime to Struggle

Missing.

My heart dropped. I'd gotten my hopes up, only to be disappointed. No, I was far from disappointed. Brian wasn't just gone for the day, he wasn't coming back.
My heart was breaking all over again, only this time, the pain was far worse. I broke down, falling onto the bed. Jimmy ran to my side, calling my name.
Everything was blurring together, nothing was making sense. How could Brian not come back? How could he leave just like that? No warnings, no goodbyes, nothing.
Nothing . That's all I could feel. Nothing.
"Harm, listen to me." Jimmy said sternly, grabbing my shoulders in his strong hands. "Before you start assuming anything, You need to know Brian does have feeling's for you. He won't admit it to himself, but I know that kid better then anyone else in the world. I know when he likes a girl, and when he really likes a girl."
So he does have feelings for me, but he just leaves? I felt my chest rise up and down repeatedly getting faster. The room seemed to be getting smaller and darker.
"Thank you Jimmy, for making my current state worse!" I yelled.
Jimmy jumped back from the bed, shocked at my reaction.
"You tell me he likes me, but he... Ran away? You come in here and try to tell me that he has feelings for me, only he simply disa-fucking-peared!" I scream.
"Harmony, can you calm down? I'm trying to help--"
"For fuck sake, I've been calm my entire life! Now that I finally have the chance to fix everything, to make things normal again, or hell, maybe even better, Brian has to go and fuck it up!" I took my favorite pillow, and threw it over top of my face.
It smelt like Brian. His minty breath, his cigarettes and cologne. It made my heart ache more. I wanted him to be here. I didn't want to do this anymore. A normal life, no drama, no regrets, nothing that wasn't needed.
"Was Brian in my room?" I asked Jimmy, hoping he was still down here with me.
"Yeah." Jimmy replied, his voice sounding hoarse.
"Why?" I asked, inhaled his scent more, feeling like this somehow connected us together.
"I'm not sure. He never told me. I just saw him run down there to get something before he stormed out of the house."
What could Brian possibly want from my room? But as soon as that thought entered my mind, I knew exactly what it was.
My journal.
"Shit!" I exclaimed, getting up from the bed and searching frantically for the journal, hoping maybe I was wrong that he had read what I had written about him. I mean, I did tell him I love him, but... There were other thing's I wrote about him in there that I didn't exactly what him to know. Not right away at least. But there was no luck. My journal was gone. Everything I've managed to write down was in that book, and now Brian was going to see it all.
It was bound to change his opinion on me. So once again, any hopes of Brian seeing thing's my way were ruined. Everything was ruined.
And I have no one else to thank but myself.

♠ ♠ ♠

Obviously the shortest one i've ever written. Next one shall be longer though, I promise !