She Makes Me Wanna

The next few games were great for both myself and the Penguins. We had taken a hard loss against the Rangers, losing 5-2, but we had bounced back quickly and were on a 3 game winning streak by the time December rolled around. With December came the holiday season, and on December 2nd we were all called into the practice facility for a meeting with Dan.

“As you guys all know, every winter we visit the local children’s hospital. This year the hospital would like us to go in a bit earlier than usual because one of the patients there is probably not going to make it until the end of the month…he’s a little boy with a rare form of pediatric cancer, and his Make-a-Wish Foundation wish was to meet the Penguins. So we’re going to head over to the hospital this Thursday. As usual, you can wear jeans and a tee shirt, but we want you all to have your jerseys over any shirt you may wear. If you have a beard or moustache trim it up and keep it clean looking. The same goes for your hair. This is a huge public event, and on top of that, some parents get uneasy when sloppy looking people get near their extremely sick children,” Dan began. He eventually gave us the rest of the information we would need to know and then dismissed us. I felt slightly numb as I sat at my seat though, and Sidney had to shake my shoulder to break me out of my funk.

“What’s up?” he asked, concern crossing his face.

“I don’t do sick kids very well,” I muttered.

“None of us do,” he said, frowning slightly.

“No, but did any of you have a little sister die from cancer?” I asked. Sidney froze before sinking down so that he was crouching in front of me.

“What did you just say?” he asked quietly.

“My little sister died from cancer. She got leukemia when she was seven and I was ten. She was always bubbly and happy…she shouldn’t have gotten sick, but she did. Anyway, she lived for another two years and was my biggest supporter. When she got so sick that my parents couldn’t take her to games, she made them tape the games and we would watch them together afterwards and I would pretend like I didn’t know what was going to happen. The day she died, she made me promise that I would never stop playing hockey. She said ‘I know how happy you are when you play. I like when you’re happy’. I told her I’d never give it up. A few hours later she died in her sleep. I play every game for her too you know,” I explained, fighting back tears. Sidney pulled me into a tight hug, and a few of the guys looked over in concern.

“What’s wrong?” Kris asked, and that caught Jordan’s attention. I wiped my eyes and hugged Sidney back before standing up.

“I…I just have a really hard time dealing with sick kids. My sister died of leukemia,” I said shortly. I was immediately pulled into a huge group hug by Sidney, Jordan, Kris, Aaron, Matt Cooke, Marc-Andre, and Evgeni.

“We’ll be there for you,” Jordan said, squeezing me tightly.

“You bet your ass we will be…we’re a team,” Cookie followed.

That Thursday I shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot waiting outside the hospital. Sidney and I had arrived a few minutes early so that I could get used to the thought of what I was about to do. Except for when I was seriously injured, I had refused to set foot in a hospital ever since Amanda’s death. It was a huge mental block, but I felt slightly better with Sidney’s hand on my shoulder. Kris and Marc-Andre were the next to arrive, and Kris wrapped one arm around my waist as we walked in. The rest of the team quickly filtered into the building, and once we were all accounted for we were ushered into a conference room.

“Thank you all for coming today. My name is Crystal, and I’m the head nurse today. We are going to divide you up into four groups of five, and one group of six. Once you guys are divvied up, we’re going to have you each take a different route through the pediatric ward. So break into groups and we’ll instruct you from there,” the nurse said, and I found myself in a group with Sidney, Jordan, Jack, Patrick, and Kris. The nurse decided to send us to the injury wing first, and I breathed a sigh of relief. In fact, when we got to the ward, I was enjoying myself a bit. It was heartbreaking to see kids in casts and wheelchairs, but I was also grateful that I could bring such big smiles to their faces. One little girl in particular made my day.

“You’re my hero!” she beamed as soon as I walked into her room. I smiled, blushing slightly, but her parents nodded. The little girl had casts on both arms, and I later found out that she had fallen out of a tree. She reminded me of myself when I was about seven, with a missing tooth right in the front, long brown hair, and a mischievous side that often got me into trouble. I chatted with the girl for a while, and after signing her left cast and her Penguins jersey I was ushered out of the room by the guys.

“Alright, you can all head over to the oncology wing now,” one of the nurses said, and I froze.

“I’m not ready for this,” I croaked, but Sidney and Jordan each placed a reassuring hand on my arm. Jack placed his hand on the small of my back and the three of them guided me towards the wing, whispering reassuring things into my ear the entire time. The first room we went into was occupied by two little boys, Peter and Matthew, who freaked out as soon as we walked into the room.

“OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU GUYS!” Peter screeched, bolting upright as soon as we walked into the room. Matthew agreed, and we found our hands cramping up after signing everything they threw at us. They didn’t look all that sick, and I found out a few minutes later that Matthew was about to be discharged and that Peter was taking well to the chemotherapy. We moved on, and the boy in the next room was the reason that we had come so early in the month. His name was Damon, and he looked just like Amanda did right before she passed away. His skin was sallow, he had all kinds of tubes running from every part of his body, his head was bald, and he looked downright miserable. However, he brightened up as soon as we walked into the room.

“Hey there Damon. I’m Sidney,” Sid said, stepping forward. Damon shook his hand eagerly and began rambling about how much he loved the Penguins.

“You guys make me fight harder,” he said, and I felt my heart break. I fought back the tears as he hugged me tightly and begged me to sign his Penguins poster. The second we walked out of the room a few tears slid down my cheeks.

“How is it fair that these little kids get sick like this? Innocent little kids?” I squeaked, and Sidney hugged me tightly. Jordan wiped away my tears and shook his head.

“It’s not fair, but we do what we can to make them feel better,” Jordan said, and I nodded, sniffling.

“You’re right…if I can make them happy for a little bit, that’s what I have to do, yeah?” I asked, and Sidney nodded before patting me on the shoulder. I didn’t know how much that would mean to me until I walked into the last room. Sitting in the bed was a twelve year old girl named Stephanie. Stephanie had huge, crystalline blue eyes and a bright smile. She was wearing a pink Penguins jersey, which I quickly realized had my name on it, and she shrieked as I walked into the room.

“Oh my God! You’re Emily Vance!” she cried, and I nodded.

“It’s nice to meet you,” I said as she pulled me into a tight hug.

“You have no idea how much I wanted to meet you! You’re my hero! I watch every game just to see you play!” she said, and I laughed.

“Thanks. That means a lot to me,” I said.

“I love watching you play. It’s awesome to see a girl who is strong and pretty get to play like you do,” Stephanie continued, and I felt my heart melting.

“Do you play hockey?” I asked, and Stephanie nodded.

“Well, I did until I got diagnosed…the doctors said that once I get better I can play again. When I do get better, I want to be just as good as you are,” she said.

“If you try hard, I bet you’ll be better than me,” I smiled. The guys eventually left the room, and Stephanie and I got to know each other very well. It wasn’t until I asked her about school that she showed the slightest sign of being depressed about her illness.

“I don’t like going to school much,” she said.

“Why not?” I asked.

“The girls…the girls make fun of me. They say I’m ugly because I don’t have any hair…and the guys don’t like to hang out with me either because they think I’ll get them sick too,” Stephanie said, and I could hear the tears forming in her voice.

“They say what?” I asked.

“They say I’m ugly because I don’t have hair,” Stephanie repeated, and anger rose in my chest.

“That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. The second I walked into this room I thought you were pretty. You’re probably prettier than all of those girls combined,” I said.

“But I feel ugly,” Stephanie murmured.

“You feel ugly because you don’t have any hair?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she squeaked. I immediately stood up and motioned for a nurse.

“Do you have anyone in this hospital who can cut hair?” I whispered.

“Yes…there’s a woman who comes in on Thursdays to cut the long term patients’ hair…why?” the nurse asked.

“Get her up here now,” I said.

Ten minutes later I was sitting in the chair next to Stephanie’s bed with a cape over my shoulders.

“What are you doing?” Stephanie asked.

“If having long hair is what make girls think they’re pretty, and makes girls think that they can make fun of someone who didn’t choose to lose her hair, then I don’t want to be what they consider pretty. I’m gonna become what I think is pretty,” I said firmly as I tied my hair into a low ponytail. I had instructed the hairdresser to cut my hair in a way that could be donated before she walked into the room. I heard a few snips, and felt my hair fall to the floor. Stephanie gasped as my hair tumbled to the ground.

“You just cut off all your hair!” she cried.

“It’s not my hair now. It’s yours,” I said.

“What did you just say?” Stephanie asked.

“My hair was really long right? Well, it is long enough to be donated to Locks of Love. Melissa here is going to send it in to Locks of Love, and they’re going to make a wig out of it. Once it’s done, they’re going to send it to you. I think you’re beautiful already, but I also know how hard it is to see your own beauty when someone says something to make you think about that one thing you wish you did or didn’t have. I’m giving you my hair so that you can feel pretty again, even if I already think you don’t need it. You’re beautiful inside and out, and I want you to feel that way about yourself,” I explained. Stephanie’s mother stared at me with wide eyes before sobbing quietly.

“Thank you so much…with all of her treatments, we can’t afford a wig for Stephanie…” her mother squeaked as Melissa trimmed the ends to even out my new bob.

“If I can make Stephanie feel even a little bit better about what she is going through, it’s the least I can do,” I said.

“Why do you care so much?” Stephanie asked, staring at me with wide eyes.

“Because I was the girl that everyone picked on. I know what it’s like to feel ugly for absolutely no reason other than the fact that the other girls in school were jealous. They’re jealous that someone with no hair can be prettier than them Stephanie. That’s what it comes down to. Keep your head up Stephanie and show them that you can be better than them,” I said. We exchanged hugs, tears, and phone numbers before I left the room. The rest of the team was waiting impatiently in the lobby, and a collective gasp echoed throughout the room when I walked in.

“What happened to your hair?!” Gronk asked.

“I gave it to someone who needed it a lot more than I did,” I said with a casual shrug. Just then my phone buzzed, and I saw that Stephanie had already texted me.

Thank you so much for making me feel pretty again.