Something to Think About
Right now.
I didn't think tonight would end up like this either.
I had slept through most of today, since I was harboring a major headache and an out-of-place hip. And I woke up to a mess of screaming and door banging.
My mom left. And I think she took my little sister with her.
She does this every once in a while. Gets really angry, and leaves in a rage. She takes her car and disappears for hours. And in time, she comes back and she just doesn't talk to anyone. But she never leaves in the night. She hates driving in the night. And as I sit here and type, it gets later and later.
I don't know what to do. We could call her, she doesn't pick up. And my little sister is with her, which normally doesn't happen. But I know she has to come back, because she has a small child with her and she has work in the morning. So she has to come back. Right?
My dad took this opportunity to yell at everyone, meaning me and my older sister. He yelled at us to make our own dinner and do our goddamn laundry. He left in a huff to look for her, and since he was gone I made use of his absence and tried to cook in the kitchen without him screaming at me. When he got back he had bought pizza and realized I was cooking, he yelled at me for not having the pan hot enough. I cooked enough for everyone. I ate by myself. I washed all the dishes, and I left the kitchen cleaner than it was before I started cooking. He wandered in and out of the house to the garage to load laundry. He took the towels from the kitchen and I knew he had been smoking. I hate him. I hate him so fucking much.
I just want to leave. I want to throw on a jacket and lace up my sneakers and just walk out the door. But I don't know where to go. I could go to the nearest park or walk to school and just lay out on the field and watch the stars, but I don't want to be alone. I am alone right now, in a house of people and I am completely alone. If I was to leave, I would want to leave in search of company. I'm not crying. I hate crying.
The pizza is sitting on the dining table, untouched.
It's probably cold by now.
I had slept through most of today, since I was harboring a major headache and an out-of-place hip. And I woke up to a mess of screaming and door banging.
My mom left. And I think she took my little sister with her.
She does this every once in a while. Gets really angry, and leaves in a rage. She takes her car and disappears for hours. And in time, she comes back and she just doesn't talk to anyone. But she never leaves in the night. She hates driving in the night. And as I sit here and type, it gets later and later.
I don't know what to do. We could call her, she doesn't pick up. And my little sister is with her, which normally doesn't happen. But I know she has to come back, because she has a small child with her and she has work in the morning. So she has to come back. Right?
My dad took this opportunity to yell at everyone, meaning me and my older sister. He yelled at us to make our own dinner and do our goddamn laundry. He left in a huff to look for her, and since he was gone I made use of his absence and tried to cook in the kitchen without him screaming at me. When he got back he had bought pizza and realized I was cooking, he yelled at me for not having the pan hot enough. I cooked enough for everyone. I ate by myself. I washed all the dishes, and I left the kitchen cleaner than it was before I started cooking. He wandered in and out of the house to the garage to load laundry. He took the towels from the kitchen and I knew he had been smoking. I hate him. I hate him so fucking much.
I just want to leave. I want to throw on a jacket and lace up my sneakers and just walk out the door. But I don't know where to go. I could go to the nearest park or walk to school and just lay out on the field and watch the stars, but I don't want to be alone. I am alone right now, in a house of people and I am completely alone. If I was to leave, I would want to leave in search of company. I'm not crying. I hate crying.
The pizza is sitting on the dining table, untouched.
It's probably cold by now.
♠ ♠ ♠
I'm afraid to fall asleep. Maybe if I wish hard enough, I won't wake up.