Something to Think About

I'm sitting here in a rage of bitter resentment and anger.

A whirlwind of absolute fury is pulsing through my veins and all I want to do is scream and cry, and I resort to this. All I have left is music and this.

I've already got the music turned up as loud as it'll allow, and now all I have is this.

And it makes me smile, really, writing and such. It's my release, my get away. Because as of now, I have no other way out.

I have never been grounded. I have had things taken away from me, I have lost privileges, I have been physically punished. But I've never been technically grounded. Why?

Because I am eternally grounded.

I am not allowed to leave the house. Not allowed to obligate someone to take me places. And at the same time I'm not allowed to leave on foot. Not even with people. And that makes no sense to me. So here I am. On eternal house arrest.

You would think that parents would want their kids to go outside every once in a while, go tumble around in the dirt, climb the trees, run free. No. I must stay inside. I don't have a "yard" to go wander aimlessly in circles even. I just sit here. In my room. Or on the computer. Or in front of the T.V. Or in the kitchen. Or in the garage with the laundry.

But I'm in trouble now, for leaving the house to go to the thrift store across the street. Across the god damn street. With a god damn friend. I would understand if I was walking into the next city over by myself, but I'm literally in the next block, and I'm not even alone. But apparently this is forbidden.

And apparently I'm still in trouble. Even though I took care of dinner and cooked and cleaned by myself, for the entire house. No. I'm not allowed to leave.

I don't understand. Everything is walking distance, and I am not allowed to leave. They would rather me sit here and do house chores and zombify myself on the computer than take a trip to the library, because no one will take me. Because I am not allowed to obligate someone to take me somewhere. And I'm not allowed to walk there alone, or with a friend.

That's probably what makes me the most angry. I have waited all month to go to the library. I have asked several times, to various people, and the answer is always "later" or "some other time". Why can't I just walk there? I WANT TO READ BOOKS FOR FUCK'S SAKE. READ. GOD. DAMN. BOOKS.

I'm about introverted and dorky as it gets, I'm not going to go do drugs or steal shit or graffiti the city. I'm going to READ BOOKS. Someone tell me when reading became such a felony, such a crime. Because I didn't fucking know it was.

So someone enlighten me. Educate me. Entertain me.

What am I to do.

I'm about to rip my hair out.

I'm about to go deaf.

I'm about to stab pencils in my eyeballs.

Not okay right now.