Something to Think About

And it is also my strength.

There is a breaking point. You can only hold so much in, you can only keep so much inside until you implode.

It’s a tightening feeling in your chest, like your heart wants to burst out and cave in all at once, a mess of conflicting muscles. Your lungs forget how to breathe, your mind shuts down. Like shutting down lights in a room, the darkness spreads like a storm and everything you’ve ever avoided thinking about comes rushing to the fore front of your brain, and you’re consumed by all the things that haunt you most.

Complete and utter darkness. It’s not something you physically see, not something you can grasp, but you feel it inside you.

Then you leak.

It seeps out - all the fear, the stress, the anger, the sadness.

I cry until I’m running a fever.
I cry until I puke.
I cry until I’m banging on the walls.
I cry until I’m shaking.

I cry until I’m numb.

The strength comes from holding it in until you can’t anymore.

The strength is letting it out and not having it break you.

You are strong when you can wake up the next morning with swollen eyes and a heavy heart and tired lungs and truly believe that you are no less of a person because of it.

Crying is my weakness,

And because of it, I am strong.