Something to Think About
Dead inside.
Fuck you people.
I have wanted to say that to everyone for the past few days. I just want to go, I just want to leave.
I'm beginning to think that this whole story is useless because I will never be able to tell you everything. There are things I feel, thinks I think, that cannot be spoken, cannot be written, cannot be typed. It is not for sharing. I can't do it. I don't know if that makes me a liar, or a bad writer, I don't know.
The things I feel are impossible. Like if I just dissipated into thin air, I wouldn't care. Like I want to go to sleep and not wake up. I am trapped in these feelings, in these thoughts, and every day I live, I feel it. I know it.
I'd like to find myself in a vast empty nothingness, and just lay there. Just die there.
Recently I read something that said you can fall in love with anyone if you see them in a vulnerable state. Like, if you saw them cry themselves to sleep or sing to themselves while cooking. And everything I know now is a lie. The people I have fallen for, I have seen at their lowest points. And it breaks my heart to think that it could be nothing special, and maybe I'm just a big softy and I'm bound to be disappointed forever. I just want to be happy, and I want it so bad it hurts. It's not even that I want anyone specific anymore. I just want to be happy, to be okay with myself.
If I could, I would keep you in a cage.
I'd keep you there till the end, the end of day.
If I could, then I would.
If I could, then I would.
Cause when you dance, I wanna cry,
And when you laugh I wanna die.
And when you find me, I want to hide.
If I could, I would keep you by my side,
So you could hold me tight before I died.
If I could then I would.
If I could then I would.
If you go, I'll die alone
And when the angels take me home
They will find me weeping so slow, so slow.
If I could, I would hold you in my palms
Keep you there, till the bombs, they went off
If I could, then I would.
If I could, then I would.
Cause if the barrel of a gun
If it points to you I'm done.
If I can't find you, then I'll have lost my heart.
I have wanted to say that to everyone for the past few days. I just want to go, I just want to leave.
I'm beginning to think that this whole story is useless because I will never be able to tell you everything. There are things I feel, thinks I think, that cannot be spoken, cannot be written, cannot be typed. It is not for sharing. I can't do it. I don't know if that makes me a liar, or a bad writer, I don't know.
The things I feel are impossible. Like if I just dissipated into thin air, I wouldn't care. Like I want to go to sleep and not wake up. I am trapped in these feelings, in these thoughts, and every day I live, I feel it. I know it.
I'd like to find myself in a vast empty nothingness, and just lay there. Just die there.
Recently I read something that said you can fall in love with anyone if you see them in a vulnerable state. Like, if you saw them cry themselves to sleep or sing to themselves while cooking. And everything I know now is a lie. The people I have fallen for, I have seen at their lowest points. And it breaks my heart to think that it could be nothing special, and maybe I'm just a big softy and I'm bound to be disappointed forever. I just want to be happy, and I want it so bad it hurts. It's not even that I want anyone specific anymore. I just want to be happy, to be okay with myself.
If I could, I would keep you in a cage.
I'd keep you there till the end, the end of day.
If I could, then I would.
If I could, then I would.
Cause when you dance, I wanna cry,
And when you laugh I wanna die.
And when you find me, I want to hide.
If I could, I would keep you by my side,
So you could hold me tight before I died.
If I could then I would.
If I could then I would.
If you go, I'll die alone
And when the angels take me home
They will find me weeping so slow, so slow.
If I could, I would hold you in my palms
Keep you there, till the bombs, they went off
If I could, then I would.
If I could, then I would.
Cause if the barrel of a gun
If it points to you I'm done.
If I can't find you, then I'll have lost my heart.
♠ ♠ ♠
Forever getting over it.