Nothing Is Ever Simple

JOHNNY

Johnny and Amelia walked side by side through the grounds of the hotel. Johnny knew he had been drinking too much and that this was probably the worst timing in the world.

“So what’s wrong Johnny?” Amelia asked, concernedly as they came to a halt at the edge of the garden. They sat down on a bench which looked back at the hotel were the disco lights were still flashing and music could be heard faintly.

Johnny sighed and realised he had no idea what he was going to say to her. He wasn’t sure if he could keep on pretending that he had no feelings for, but he did not want to ruin her big day. He was a man torn and he hated it.

“I’m a dick Amelia .” he groaned, rubbing his head in frustration.

Amelia wrapped her arms around him tightly and stroked his hair. She had a suspicion that he was not as happy as he sometimes made out, but she had never seen him like this. Johnny had always been the strong one and she hated to see him falling apart like this.

After a while of sitting in silence, Johnny pulled away from Amelia and looked her in the eyes.

He didn’t know what to do and the alcohol in his system was making it difficult for him to think rationally. He could he not just let his feelings for her remain buried? Why was he intent on bringing them up and offering himself on a silver platter for rejection?

“Johnny.” Amelia said quietly. “I know something is wrong and you don’t have to tell me but I just want you to know that I’m here for you like you’ve been there for me. You’re my best friend and I love you with all my heart. It kills me to see you like this.” She stroked his cheek gently.

Her words clouded his head and he found himself lost in the moment. All he could see and think of was the beautiful woman in the wedding dress sitting before him and he lost all sense and reasoning. He lifted his hand gently so that it rested on her cheek and he leant forward slowly until their lips were touching.

He knew instantly that it was a mistake but he was surprised that she did not pull away. Instead she kept her hand in place and allowed him to kiss her gently. Just like that day over a year ago, Johnny was unable to control himself and so it seemed was Amelia. Johnny deepened the kiss, expecting Amelia to rebuff him any second but she didn’t.

After what seemed like a lifetime Amelia pulled away. She stared at Johnny with a worried expression across her face. She looked as if she was torn between running away and burying her head in shame.

“You don’t need to say it Amelia. I know.” He smiled weakly as she bit her lip. It was a mistake.

This time Amelia brought her hands to her head and Johnny wanted to reach out and comfort her before remembering that he was the problem.

“I’m sorry Amelia. That should never have happened.”

“No it shouldn’t have.” She replied and he thought he heard her sigh, before standing up and making her way back to the hotel.

***
Johnny was unusually quiet during the plane journey back to LA. Not that he needed to provide entertainment; Chris and Steve were more than enough for anyone to handle and it was purely Jeff’s miraculous reasoning with the stewards that had stopped them from being kicked off. He sat with his shades on and his head against the window, trying desperately to block out the events of a few days ago. He wasn’t sure if anyone but Jeff knew what had happened, but everyone was giving him space.

How could he have been such an idiot? Amelia was his best friend and now he had almost certainly destroyed that. She did not feel the same way as he did, why could he not accept that?

“Dude, you ok?” Jeff asked quietly, shaking Johnny from his thoughts.

Johnny grunted in response. He was not in the mood to talk. Jeff had always been able to read him like a book, for which he was often grateful. There was no point trying to fool him. Jeff simply nodded his head and put his earphones back in, ready to listen when Johnny decided he wanted to talk.

The journey was excruciatingly long, as if the plane was purposely trying to frustrate Johnny even further. He could not contain his relief as his feet touched ground on the runway and he practically jogged through security with Madison at his heels and out of the airport so that he could light up a cigarette. It took several minutes for Jeff and the others to catch up with him.

Johnny dropped Madison back at Mel’s before returning home. He did not stop to chat as all he wanted to do was get home and sleep. Once home, he stormed through the front door, slammed it shut and grabbed a beer from the fridge. Yes, he was going to drown his sorrows in the only way he knew how.

After at least a dozen cans of beer Johnny decided to check his emails. He was foolish to think that she would have emailed him. She had not even spoken to him the morning after the wedding and had certainly not text or rang him. Maybe he should contact her just to apologise? What’s the worst that could happen? He was already convinced he had permanently damaged their friendship so what harm was an apologetic email going to do?

Johnny grimaced as he wrote the email, knowing full well it was a lie. Yes he had been drunk and it was a mistake but he had wanted it to happen, somewhere at the bottom of his heart. Ever since he had kissed her that day over a year ago, a spark had gone off in his head and he had known that he was in love with her. Ever since then he had lived with this knowledge and tried to bury it away. Seeing her at the wedding brought all the feelings back up and it was more than he could contend with.