Nothing Is Ever Simple

JOHNNY

Johnny had not been able to sleep. Since Amelia’s arrival he had not been able to stop thinking of ways to tell her how he really felt and even if she did not feel the same it was better to let it out than keep all his emotions building up inside. He had been tossing and turning in frustration when he heard a door creak open on the landing. He lay still, assuming it was Madison going to get a drink but when a set of footsteps approached his room he could feel his heart pounding and he held his breath. Amelia.

He opened his eyes and found himself staring at the wall away from his door. The footsteps disappeared for a few seconds but before he had chance to steady his breathing a shadow filled the room as his door was opened quietly and the footsteps made their way over to him in bed. He lay as still as possible, trying to take long, deep breaths but it was incredibly difficult when the intruder slipped into bed beside him. He could smell her perfume and he shivered when he felt her cool skin against his as she shuffled closer to him. Unsure what to do in this strange situation, Johnny closed his eyes and rolled over so that his back was no longer facing her.

His instincts continued to take over as he stretched out an arm, hoping she would allow him to put it round her. Amelia waited until his arm was out and placed her head on his shoulder. He could feel her soft hair falling over his skin and he hoped he was not breathing too quickly as she stretched out her own arm to place a hand on his chest. When she seemed to have settled Johnny wrapped her in his arms a little tighter and turned his head so that he could breathe her in. Her hair tickled his face as he nuzzled her gently and he listened as her own breathing indicated that she had fallen asleep. In the comfort of her presence it did not take long for him to finally drift to sleep either.

The next morning Johnny was woken by the sunlight streaming through his curtains. His eyes flickered open and was instantly reminded of his late night visitor. Amelia was still sleeping soundly next to him and through the course of the night they had rolled over so that Amelia’s back was pressed into Johnny’s torso and he had an arm draped firmly around her waist. He was amazed at how perfectly the curve of their bodies fit together. He was so comfortable and as he buried his head deeper into the crook of her neck he wished they could lie like this forever.

Unfortunately, Johnny knew that it was a stupid wish and he untangled himself from her, not wanting to make her feel awkward when she eventually awoke. With a last wistful look at Amelia, Johnny dragged himself out of bed and downstairs to make coffee. His head was thumping as if he had been drinking the night before and his throat felt as if he had been smoking in his sleep. As he filled the kettle over the sink he caught sight of his reflection in the kitchen window. His hair was sticking up all over the place and the dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced than ever. He guessed he must be finally paying for all the sleepless nights he had been having prior to Amelia’s arrival.

When Amelia emerged sometime later that morning, words were not exchanged regarding the fact that they had spent the past two nights together. She seemed bright and bubbly with no trace of awkwardness around her. It was almost as if there was no need to explain their actions and Johnny was not sure whether or not this was a good thing.

Keen to get out of the house for some fresh air, Johnny told Amelia and Madison that he was going to pick up some supplies for New Year and he left the keys to his Jeep in case Amelia felt like going out at all. After stopping at the store to buy some beer and wine, Johnny decided to drop by the offices on the off chance that Jeff was still working. As he pulled up in the car park sure enough he spotted Jeff’s van.

“PJ.” Jeff acknowledged from behind his computer screen. His hair was a mess and he had a striking five o’clock shadow that made him look slightly insane and there was a manic glint in his eyes as if he had not been sleeping properly either. Johnny conceded that he probably hadn’t.

“Tremaine.” Johnny replied in a similar fashion as he took a seat opposite Jeff. “When did you last leave the office?”

“Can’t remember.” Jeff replied, returning his gaze to the screen in front of him. “I’m trying to get this proposal done for the network.”

Johnny nodded and waited patiently as Jeff saved the file that he had been working on and moved away from the computer.

“I’ve been waiting to hear from you.” Jeff remarked as if he was rather pleased with himself. “I knew it wouldn’t be long.”

“What do you mean?” Johnny raised an eyebrow in confusion. When had Jeff gotten so cryptic?

“Amelia.” Jeff chuckled to himself. “She came here when she first arrived because she couldn’t remember your address.”

“Oh.” The realisation started to sink in. Still, at least Jeff knew why he was here and there would be far less explaining to do.

“So…” Jeff prompted him. “Spill the beans.”

“There’s nothing to spill Jeff.” Johnny sighed. “I actually came for some advice. “

“That’s got to be a first.” Jeff laughed, but then he seemed to put all jokes aside and turned to Johnny seriously. “What’s up PJ?”

“Well, I think it’s safe to assume you know my feelings for Amelia.”

Jeff nodded silently.

“Having her around is so frustrating. I’d just started to move on when she turned up and now all those feelings for her that I’d pushed away have come back, stronger than ever. It’s taking all my strength to try and keep my distance. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. Should I tell her Jeff? I want to, but I don’t want to lose her.”

“It’s not an easy situation, that’s for sure.” Jeff sighed.

“I know. Even if I tell her everything and by some miracle she feels the same, there’s no way we could work. There’s no chance of a relationship.”

“Do you think she could feel the same way?”

“I have no idea. Sometimes I think I can see it in her eyes when she looks at me, but then I tell myself it’s just wishful thinking. Last night she came and slept in my bed with me.”

Jeff raised his eyebrows but did not say anything.

“But then I told myself she was just feeling lonely. And l like I said, we could never work because she’s married to Bam. Even if they were to split up, they have a child together and what would that do to Jackass? People would end up taking sides, and think of the magazines! They’d have a field day.”

“PJ, you’re ranting. Do you want a glass of water?”

Johnny shook his head and lowered it dramatically on to the desk. “I’m sorry Jeff. I just…don’t know what to do.”

“I think you should talk to her. Tell her how you feel. She’s obviously not happy with Bam and it has nothing to do with you. I think you owe her the truth and you’ll never know how she really feels until you admit how you really feel.”

Johnny nodded. Jeff was probably right as usual. He stopped to chat with him about work in general for a while before saying his goodbyes and heading back home to Amelia, Madison and Brandon. When he returned to the house, they were nowhere to be found and it wasn’t until he walked upstairs and heard giggles coming from Madison’s room that he discovered what they were up to.

Amelia was sat on the bed behind Madison, braiding her hair while Madison experimented with Amelia’s makeup and Brandon sat happily playing with Madison’s teddies. The three of them looked so happy and content. Johnny stood quietly at the door, hoping they would not notice him. Jeff was definitely right. He needed to talk to Amelia and tell her how he felt, even if nothing came of it. So far he had skipped on every opportunity to tell her, right from the first time they went out to dinner in Westchester and up to her wedding night. New Year’s Eve would be the night. He would tell her everything.