Nothing Is Ever Simple

JOHNNY

Johnny left Amelia's room, closing the door behind him. He had not let it show in front of her, but he wanted to kick himself for telling Amelia to go ahead with the wedding. He knew better than anyone that Bam was probably going to fuck it up, but Johnny had been selfish and saw Amelia getting married as a reason for him to move on and get over whatever feelings he had for her. It was stupid reasoning, and he did not wish her to be unhappy. Why had he said it? It would have been the perfect opportunity to reveal his feelings, but he was an idiot.

He was reminded of the time he first met Amelia and had been persuading her to give Bam a chance. That was before he had any idea of the feelings he would harbour for her. Instead, he had seen the way Bam was completely smitten with her and had wanted them to realise their feelings for one another. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. If only he had known how Bam would royally fuck everything up.

Instead of heading back to his own room, Johnny made his way to the hotel bar, where he seemed to be spending most of his time. Bam was perfectly aware of Johnny's feeling towards his fiancée and the lower profile he kept from now on the better. Johnny was surprised to see Dunn and Tremaine sitting at the bar. He approached them and took a seat by Jeff.

"Hey Knoxville, we were surprised you weren't down here already." Dunn laughed as Johnny ordered a beer.

He shrugged. "I went to see Amelia."

Dunn and Tremaine exchanged looks. Both men knew how Johnny felt about her. Jeff was one of his closest friends and he had confided in him from the start. Dunn, on the other hand, was Bam's best friend and although he knew how Johnny felt, it didn't mean he had to support him. Johnny could tell Jeff was dying to say something but thought the better of it with Dunn being around.

"I know Bam's my closest friend and everything and you probably think I'm gonna stick up for him on this but I'm not. He's a dick and the way he's been acting recently he doesn't deserve Amelia. But the thing is, I've been there from the start and I know he really does love her. He's just got a funny way of showing it. You can say what you like about the situation, but now there's a kid involved I think it's just best if we leave them to work it all out."

Johnny and Jeff stared at Dunn in silence for a few minutes, letting his words sink in. Johnny knew he was right but it was no comfort for how he was currently feeling. Human beings are such selfish creatures, Johnny thought.

He opened his mouth to say something but Tremaine beat him to it. "You're right Dunn, Bam's one of us, first and foremost, but we all love Amelia. She's one of us too and none of us want to see her get hurt. There's no need to rush into getting married."

Dunn nodded in agreement with Jeff, and Johnny once again tried to cut in but was interjected by Dunn. "I see your point but considering the wedding is tomorrow it's a little late to be having doubts don't you think?"

"Who says she's having doubts?" demanded Johnny, finally getting a word in. "You both think you know how she feels and what she wants but you have no idea."

Dunn and Tremaine stared at Johnny in surprise, not having expected such an outburst. "Dude, we didn't mean..." Dunn started, but Johnny stopped him halfway through.

"I'm sorry, I just...I really care about Amelia and I don't want her to get hurt. I know what you both think but I just went in there and told her in no uncertain terms that she had to go through with it tomorrow. She's got the baby to think about. But do you know what; I didn't say that with her best interests in mind. I said that because if she marries Bam, that's it. The end. I get to move on with my life. And you have no idea how much it fucking hurt to do that to her. I know Bam's going to mess up and she's going to get hurt, but I'm a selfish fucking cunt."

This time neither Jeff nor Dunn had anything to say in response. The bartender passed Johnny another beer, which he promptly necked in one go. He slammed the bottle down on the bar and stalked away to the lobby. By the time he returned to his room, Johnny realised he was crying. It was totally out of character for him, but then so were these feelings churning in the pit of his stomach. He had never cared for someone as he did for Amelia. He loved her deeply and would have given anything to be with her, but it was so much more than that. He would have taken a bullet for her.

Johnny went straight into the bathroom and splashed some water over his tear stained face. He was glad no one could see him now. Johnny Knoxville didn't cry, not even when being hit in the balls with a paintball gun. P J Clapp on the other hand, he was a crier. He cried late at night when no one was around to see or hear him. He cried himself to sleep from the heartache that was burning inside his chest and that hurt more than any bull or broken bone.

Finally Johnny pulled himself together and got into bed. Tomorrow was the wedding and he was going to have to be strong for Amelia, even if he couldn't be strong for himself. Once it was all over he could crawl back on to the plane to LA and get on with his life. He would see Amelia from time to time but she would be Amelia Margera and he was going to have to deal with that.

The next morning Johnny awoke to the most horrific of hangovers. He had not realised how much he had drank the night before and regretted it instantly. He dragged himself out of bed and risked a brief glance in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot and the skin around them sallow. Sunglasses were not going to be acceptable during the wedding, he realised. Where was a makeup artist when you needed one? He was glad that he would not be playing a prominent part in the wedding, unlike Dunn and their respective families. It would make a change to not be under the spot light. With weary legs, Johnny forced himself under the shower and the memories of the night before had come flooding back. He had not exactly poured his heart out to Jeff and Dunn, but he had certainly left them with cause for concern. He wondered if Dunn would tell Bam what he had said.

As he returned to the bedroom wrapped in nothing but a towel, Johnny found himself face to face with Jeff, Steve and Chris.

"What's going on?" he exclaimed, forcing a grin.

"We wanted to make sure you were ok." Jeff said calmly. "You had quite a lot to drink last night and you're supposed to be picking Madison up in an hour."

Johnny grimaced. He knew why they were really there; to make sure he made it to the wedding and or did not cause a scene. "You guys have little faith." He joked. "I'm absolutely fine and to be perfectly honest, I'm a little upset that you think I need to be babysat."

"Now come on dude, no one's saying that." Jeff argued, throwing his hands up. "We just want to know that we're here for you."

Johnny looked at the blank expressions on Chris and Steve's faces. Were they really here to 'support' him or had Jeff dragged them along for man power, he wondered? Steve didn't seem to know what day it was, never mind what he was doing in this hotel. "Listen Jeff, I'm fine. I don't know what you think is going on in my head but I assure you, you've got the wrong end of the stick. Whatever I said last night was just the drink talking. I'm over the fucking moon for Amelia and Bam, they'll be very happy together."

It was a big mistake thinking he could fool Jeff. Not only had it been obvious the previous night that what Johnny had said was completely serious, but to claim that he was 'over the fucking moon' was ludicrous. Even the semi-functioning Steve-O could tell he was bullshitting.

"Don't bullshit a bullshitter dude." Steve laughed.

"What do you want me to say exactly? Confess my unrequited love for her? Where is that going to get me? It's ridiculous. Can you not just let me deal with this on my own?" Johnny sighed, becoming frustrated with his well meaning friends.

Jeff looked at Steve and Chris who seemed equally as prepared to surrender. "Sorry man. We'll see you down there later."Jeff placed a hand on Johnny's shoulder.

Johnny nodded silently, but he caught Jeff's eye and gave him an apologetic smile. He knew his friends were only trying to help but this was something he had to do on his own.

His only regret was that he had no idea how Amelia really felt.