Make It out Alive

"Polly, you should go back to the office, you're too emotionally invested in this now," Hotch told me as I read through Tobias' journals.

"Hotch, I can do my job. Just because he's my boyfriend doesn't mean I can't perform right," I snapped, flipping through a journal filled with religious ramblings.

He stared at me for awhile before sighing. "Have you found anything?"

"I found a list of meetings for a rehab. It has a number on it, but it's at least twelve years old," I answered.

"Try it," he said.

"All over it," I answered, going to call the number.
The man on the other end identified himself as Tobias' sponsor, and said he'd be able to speak to us tomorrow.

I walked past the bathroom to find a still shell-shocked JJ hovering over the sink. I took a step inside and she reached for her gun.

"Easy, JJ, it's just me," I said, putting my hands up.

"Oh, Polly, sorry. You scared me," she claimed, not meeting my eyes. Her shirt still had blood on it, and her hands were shaking.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"Fine, was there something you needed?"

"I'm going to talk to Tobias' sponsor tomorrow. Why don't you come with me?" I suggested, scrutinizing her.

"Sure," she said, nodding. She watched me thoughtfully. "Why doesn't it get to you?"

"I- what?" I asked, confused.

"The things we see, what we do, you don't flinch," she commented.

Behind me, Hotch added. "She's right. You went from being a pretty run-of-the-mill cop to this."

I stuttered. "I-I guess I'm used to the horror in my own head."
*****
"Tobias is hitting it hard," I told Hotch. "His addiction has to have a pretty big effect on him."

Suddenly, Derek yelled. "Guys! Get in here!"

We ran to the room where all the computers were and looked over Garcia's shoulder. I gasped, Spencer was on the screen. I blanched at the sight of him. He was pale and bloody, clearly beaten. He stirred slightly.

"This is for us," Gideon whispered.

I turned away, walking into the kitchen. I stared out the window over the sink. A hand rested on my shoulder.

"I'm so scared," I breathed, not turning around. "I just want him to be okay."

"I know, baby girl, I know," Derek said, wrapping his arms around me.

"I'm going to catch this bastard. If it's the last thing I ever do," I swore, finding resolve in a ray of sunlight that shown through the clouds.