Make It out Alive

I walked through the hallway and into the bullpin, smiling at people who smiled at me, but the smile was only my mouth moving to mirror theirs. I didn't feel cheerful, I wasn't excited. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to be anywhere but at home under my blankets. I knew it was just depression, I knew it was just my brain not making seratonin like it should, and I could fix it with a run or something, but I didn't want to. I couldn't find the energy to be glad to be back at work, among people I knew, people I liked.

Derek walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me wordlessly. "I'm sorry, baby girl." My arms didn't raise to hug him back, I just stood there, feeling drained already.

"Thanks, Derek," I whispered, patting his back slightly before pulling away.

Next, Garcia flounced over, giving me a hug too, and telling me that she would always listen if I needed to talk.

JJ gave me a small hug, gentle and understanding. She smiled at me, and my mouth mirrored hers, but my eyes felt dead. I felt physically, emotionally, and mentally drained.

Hotch came over and put a hand on my shoulder. "I would have given you more time off, Bryson. You shouldn't have come back so early," he said softly.

Gideon's welcome back was similar to Hotch's. Fatherly, warm, but also concerned.

Finally, I spoke. "Do we have a case?" I winced. My voice sounded hoarse and scratchy, unused for the most part. It also sounded alien. Too sad, too robotic.

JJ nodded, and I went into the conference room to find Spencer in there already.

"Hey," he greeted, not approaching me.

I sat down in my usual seat and waved cheerlessly.

"You okay?" His concern was evident, as he sat down next to me. Wide brown eyes looked me over carefully, memorizing everything.

I lifted my shoulders and let them drop carelessly. "What about you?"

"I'm fine," he answered. "I'm terribly sorry about your mom."
This felt too cordial, and I hated it, but I felt too emotionally drained to try anything in the ways of patching our relationship.

The rest of the team came in and we went over the details of the case. "Bryson, I want you to stay here and help Garcia," Hotch instructed.

"Yes, sir," I answered, feeling too drained to put up a fight. Derek frowned, and Spencer bit his lip, but neither said anything as I followed Garcia into her lair.

"Sweetie, I'm worried about you," she told me seriously, looking me in the eye.

"Don't be," I discouraged, trying to get my usual spunk into my voice, but it was a failed attempt, only sounding weak and useless.

She looked like she was about to say something, but we were interrupted by a knock on the door. I turned around and Spencer was there.

"I wanted to say bye," he said, looking at his shoes.

"Bye, Reid. Have a safe trip," I told him emotionlessly. As soon as the last syllabal fell out of my mouth, I turned to face the screen.

I watched in the reflection on the screen as he frowned. "Bye, Polly. Bye, Garcia. I'll see you when I get back." With that, he turned around and left.

"Suga, are you sure you don't want to take another day or two off?" Garcia asked, concern dripping from her voice.

"I'm fine," I declared, ending the conversation.

She bit her lip but finally nodded, giving up.