Dying Wish

Johnny paced back and forth in front of the ER doors. His girlfriend Shayla had just been taken back there after collapsing down the stairs. There had been no word yet on how she was doing or what caused the collapse. He and the guys had been on the last leg of the tour when he got the call from Angel that she had fallen. Matt understood his immediate concern because if it had been his girlfriend that had collapsed then he would be just as concerned.

Johnny prayed that her cancer hadn't come back. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer eight years ago and had survived. He had been relieved that she didn't have to have her breasts cut off in order for her to survive that. Johnny knew that even if she had to have the mastectomy he wouldn't leave her. He loved her and was there for her through thick and thin. He wished that he hadn't been such a coward about asking her to marry him, but she had made it clear that she didn't want to get married. She was still young and after the cancer she wanted to live before settling down.

"Johnny, man, sit down before you walk a hole into the floor," Brian said calmly.

Johnny stopped and turned towards him. He wanted to say something rude, but he couldn't.
He was just too worried. He finally sighed and sat down, but in a matter of minutes his leg was bouncing up and down from worry and agitation of things taking so long. He wanted to know what was wrong with Shayla. He had to know.

"Johnny, she's going to be okay," Angel said softly.

Johnny looked up again at her and gave her a weak smile. He appreciated that Matt was able to cancel the last of the shows so that he could be there for Shayla. He felt bad for asking, but he had to be home and he didn't want to be distracted and screw the rest of the shows up. He knew that they would make it up to the fans at some point. However, right now he needed to be here for Shayla. She needed him the most.

The doors to the ER opened and Johnny sat up straighter. He looked over and slumped further into the chair. It was just a nurse. He couldn't understand what was taking so long. The longer it took the more worried he became and he didn't like that. The doors opened again and a doctor walked out. Johnny didn't bother straightening up though. He figured it was for another patient.

"Family of Shayla Lawson," the doctor said.

Johnny jumped up from his seat and walked over to the doctor. He was aware that his friends had followed him. He didn't care though. He just wanted to know what caused her to collapse because when he last saw her she was healthy and glowing.

"What's going on Doc?" Johnny asked urgently.

"Miss Lawson suffered some minor bruising from the fall, but we did some tests to figure out what might have caused the fall," he said.

"Okay, and have the results come back yet?" Johnny wondered.

The doctor took a heavy breath. "Miss Lawson showed signs of her breast cancer returning," he answered.

Johnny's heart literally fell to the bottom of his stomach.

"Are you positive?"

"We did more tests just to be sure and they all came back positive that her cancer returned."
Johnny hung his head. "Can I see her?"

"Of course. One person at a time please."

Johnny nodded and the doctor left. He looked behind him when he felt a hand on his shoulder. "She'll survive, Johnny. She's strong. She survived once and she can do it again," Zacky said reassuringly.

Again Johnny nodded. Zacky gave him a smile as did everyone else. Johnny then made his way through the ER doors and towards the room that Shayla was given. He took a few deep breaths before he entered the room. His eyes lit up at seeing her, but deep down he was worried for her.

"Johnny, you're here," Shayla said upon seeing him.

"Of course I am. You needed me. The fans will understand," he answered sitting down beside her bed.

He took her hand in his and started to rub slow circles over it. He brought it up to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to it.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. A little bruised, but I'll be fine."

"Shayla did the doctors talk to you?"

"Yeah. I know my cancer's back," she said.

He sighed. "We'll get through this. I'll be here every step of the way," he said.

She smiled at him.

****

Three weeks later Shayla was sitting in the doctor's office for her fourth treatment of radiation. So far things were going well for her, but she was getting weaker after each treatment. It worried Johnny, but he didn't care. He made sure that he was there for everything. He drove her to doctor appointments and treatments. He made sure that she was comfortable at home. He moved their bedroom to the lower floor so that she wouldn't have to walk up the stairs.

The rest of the gang made sure that Johnny wasn't alone either. Angel came by from time to time to cook meals and help keep the house clean. Matt, Zacky, Brian, and Jimmy all made sure that Johnny wasn't the only one to take Shayla to her appointments. They supported Johnny and Shayla as much as possible.

"Shayla, how are you feeling today?" The doctor asked after walking into the room.

"I'm okay. Feeling tired, but okay," she mumbled.

Johnny kept his arm around her to make sure she wouldn't fall off the edge.

"We're going to take some tests today to see how the progression rate of the cancer."

"All right," Johnny said.

He helped Shayla off the exam table and then helped her into a wheelchair. He pushed her down the hallway and towards the lab. He waited for her out in the hallways while she got the tests done. He smiled once she came out. Her facial expression made his smile falter.

"Shayla, what's wrong?"

She cleared her throat. "It's not going away. It's growing," she said, a tear falling down her cheek.

Johnny knelt down in front of her. He took her hands in his. "We will fight this. You will survive. You have to survive," he said.

The doctor cleared his throat. "Mr. Seward, Miss Lawson only has two months to live," he stated solemnly.

Johnny felt the entire world spin for a few minutes. He blinked his eyes to get rid of the tears that sprang to his eyes. He couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe that he could lose his girlfriend in the next two months.

"You can continue the treatments or just wait it out," the doctor informed them.

Johnny looked up. "We'll continue the treatments," he replied fiercely.

Shayla squeezed his hands weakly. He looked at her. "No. I don't want to keep going with the treatments. They aren't doing anything for me. I don't want to continue getting weaker if it's not going to help," she said.

A tear slid down his cheek as he stared at her. "Please, Johnny. Let me just wait this out," she pleaded.

Johnny swallowed. "Okay," he mumbled.

Johnny stood up and wheeled her out of the doctor's office and towards the car to make the drive home.

****

Johnny laid next to Shayla and plaid with the little hair she had left.

"I love you, Shayla," he whispered.

"I love you too, Johnny," she smiled.

He held her frail body close to his. "Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?"

"Yes, there is," she answered.

He looked at her. "What? Name it," he said.

Shayla looked at him carefully. "Promise you won't get mad?"

"Why would I get mad?"

"It's something I've wanted to do before I died, but I've just never had the chance to try it yet," she said.

"What is it? Tell me so I can help," he said.

"I want to shoot a gun," she said looking at him. "Before I die."

Johnny looked at her carefully. "Why?"

"I want to experience it. I want to know what it's like," she replied.

"I don't know," Johnny said.

"Please, Johnny. Please let me do this one last thing. I want to do it before I die," she pleaded.

He looked at her and felt his heart break even more. He hated seeing her so frail and weak, but he knew that she was strong. He knew that she would be able to handle herself. He had to trust her.

"This is what your really want?" He asked. He wanted to be absolutely sure before he did anything.

"Yes. It's my dying wish," she repeated.

He sighed and kissed her lips softly. "Okay, but you have to be careful and I'm not letting you do it by yourself," he said.

She smiled. "Okay."

****

Johnny set up the date for Shayla to shoot a gun. He was still really skeptical about it, but he didn't want to deny her, her dying wish. He wanted her to be happy and if shooting a gun was going to do that, then he would make sure it happened.

The guys weren't all that keen on the idea either, but they understood Johnny's devotion. Brian and Angel were tagging along to the shooting range as well. Brian didn't want Johnny to be alone in case anything happened.

Johnny loaded everything into the car and then helped Shayla inside. Brian was driving, which took some pressure and stress off of Johnny. Once Shayla was comfortable in the car, Johnny climbed in and sat next to her. The drive to the shooting range wasn't a long one. Once they got there Johnny rented a firing lane and then grabbed the gun and bullets that came with it. This was one of the few ranges that actually rented the guns and bullets as well.

He loaded the clip and then placed the gun down on the counter top. He then turned to Shayla.

"Are you sure you really want to do this?"

She nodded. "Positive."

He nodded and then helped her to her feet. He pulled her in front of him and then placed the ear muffs over her ears as well as his own. He wrapped his arms around her and helped her hold the gun towards the target. He pressed a soft kiss to the back of her head as he instructed her on how to shoot. He kept her shaking arms steady. He helped her shoot off a few rounds so that she could get used to the feel of the gun.

"I think I can do it on my own now," she said after they finished shooting through one clip.

Johnny continued to stand behind her and help steady her, but he didn't help her with the trigger. He didn't want her frail body to fall backwards after each shot. She finished a full clip before she set the gun back down. He placed the safety on and then helped her into her wheelchair again. She looked up at him with a smile.

"Thank you," she said.

He kissed her lips once before he placed another one on her forehead. "My pleasure," he whispered.

****

Johnny held back the tears that wanted to fall. He wouldn't cry over losing Shayla. He couldn't. Matt, Jimmy, Zacky, Brian, and Angel were all standing by his side as he stared at the gravestone that marked where she finally rested.

A week after Johnny had taken Shayla to the shooting range he had come home to find that she had passed away in her sleep. He found her with a smile on her face, so he knew that she no longer suffered. The priest finished his speech and then walked away. Johnny knelt down in front of grave and pressed his fingers to it. He had gotten a gun engraved on it as a way to remind him what her dying wish had been. He knew that she would forever be in his heart.

"You ready to go?" Jimmy asked solemnly.

Johnny looked behind him and nodded once. He placed a kiss to his fingers and then placed them on the gravestone one last time.

"I will always love you," he whispered softly.

He stood to his full height before turning around and following his friends out of the cemetery. Shayla had taught him so much about life and he planned to continue living for her. He was just glad that she had been able to accomplish her dying wish.