December

I don’t really know the exact moment I fell in love with December. All I know is that it was completely accidental, on my part. I wasn’t the type of guy to fall in love with anybody, especially not her. She was impossible, annoying, forever irritable and a pain in my ass. I don’t really know why I fell in love with her. All I know is that I did.

The worst part about the whole thing was her stupid fucking cat.

If I wanted to be with December, I had to form a relationship with her cat, too. I remember when I first went over to her apartment. The fucking thing ambushed me and clawed the shit out of my legs. It was a black cat with yellow-green eyes, and I could tell from our first meeting that we would probably never get along.

Our first fight was about the stupid fucking cat. Apparently, it’s not acceptable to attempt to murder your girlfriend’s cat. Apparently. I swear the thing is a spawn of the devil. It’s the reason it rains on the day you plan to go to the beach. At least its name’s fitting. Misery. That’s what she named her stupid fucking cat. Misery.

“I can’t even believe you, Gabe!” she’d screamed. I’d tried not to smile, really I had, but I couldn’t help it. It was kind of funny. The smile slipped out, and she completely lost it.

“You think this is funny?” she yelled. I cringed and smiled sheepishly.

“Little bit,” I said.

“You tried to murder my cat!”

“He started it!”

“You’re ridiculous!”

“Your cat is psychopathic!”

“You’re the one who tried to kill him! He’s just an innocent animal! What the hell is wrong with you?”

It went on and on and on. December used to say that she wasn’t always right, but she was never wrong. She forced her opinions on everyone, and if you didn’t agree, she’d argue with you until you did. She’s fucking impossible.

Our first fight was about her cat. A cat named Misery, that caused misery, that looked like misery, and would probably smell like misery, if misery was a thing that you could smell. I learned to tolerate her cat, at the very least. Every time I went over to her apartment, it would hiss and kick up a fuss, but then it would just disappear into another room until I left. We came to an understanding where we chose to co-exist – just in separate rooms.

*

December never shut up. I didn’t listen to half of it. I didn’t interject, either. I just let her chatter on about clothes and makeup and whatever else it is that girls like to talk about. I’d just sit there and smile and nod along and let her spill her guts. Obviously, it wasn’t important. Whenever I’d hear the tone that implied a question, I’d just nod and say “yeah” under my breath, and then she’d pick up right from where she’d left off and keep going. I still don’t know why girls talk so much. Is it really necessary?

The problem with my little nod, smile and say “yeah” occasionally routine was that it got me into trouble every now and again. It also got me into spending Christmas with her family. I don’t know how I’d missed that one, but the next thing I knew, December was dragging me to her childhood home for Christmas dinner.

By then, we’d been together for a total of three months. I wouldn’t call it a “serious” relationship until the six-month mark, at the very least, but December wanted to present me to her family sooner rather than later. Probably to get their opinion of whether she should keep me or kick me to the curb.

December had told me that she had four older brothers, but she failed to mention that they were all fucking massive. I felt intimidated the second I walked through the obnoxiously bright red door of her family’s home. This was weird for me, because I’d always been overly confident, and maybe just a little bit cocky. I wouldn’t say I was arrogant, but December did, at times.

She introduced me to her brothers Ben, Will, Jared and Bradley. I scoffed and tried to suppress my laugh. The biggest of the four, Will, stepped closer to me, his arms crossed over his unfairly broad chest. “What’s so funny?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at me.

“I just assumed you’d be January, February, March and April,” I laughed, finding myself hilarious. The four boys stared at me for a few seconds before they, too, burst into fits of laughter.

“Good one, mate!” Jared said, clapping me on the back and leading me into the dining room. December smiled and shook her head as she watched me interact with her brothers. I found I got along with them well, especially Will, who, despite his size, was one of the nicest people I had ever met.

That Christmas is one I’ll never forget. Although the turkey was burnt and December’s father was fucking scary, I still felt more at home than I ever have. December’s mother had an angelic appearance with a personality to match and after a while, even her father warmed to me.

But, in the way that it always happened with us, just when things started to look as though they were coming together, it all fell apart.