What Gets You Through The Night.

I stared at myself in the mirror for a good ten minutes hoping that the answers would just pop out at me and I would understand everything that has been happening. Unfortunately it didn't happen. I had never been so unsure of who I was until now and it scared me.

"Lee?" Matt yelled interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I called out opening the bathroom door.

"Yeh ok?"

I sighed and ran my hand into my hair, "I dunno. I juss, I need ta get away from Ellie."

He groaned, "great. Yeh slept wif her."

"What? No. I honestly didn't."

"Then what't the issue?"

"I, I don't know. When I'm round her I'm all nice and say shit I don't say and that fuckin' bloke Max kissed some girl lass night so I had to comfort her. Reminds meh I need ta go kill him." I grumbled.

"Oh my god Lee." He said with a smirk, "yeh propa like her!"

"No I don't!"

"Stop denyin' it!"

"I don't!"

"Yeh do. Yeh spent tha night wif a bird comfortin' her! Yeh of all people would neva do that!"

"So?! She's, she's nice!"

"So?! Were all tha otha birds mean?!"

"Well, no...sod off!" I yelled denfensively.

He grinned, "who knew all it would take is a taken, out spoken, red headed bird."

"Bye." I responded brushing past him.

"Going to see her?"

"Shut up."

His laughter filled the house as I slammed the door behind me.

I was in fact going to see her, but admitting that would have been the icing on top of the cake for him.

I drove to her house trying to tell myself that Matt was wrong and he didn't know what he was talking about.

I knocked once I reached her door and it instantly flew open causing me to step back a bit.

"Uh is this a bad time?" I asked noticing the look on her face and it wasn't a good one.

"Why are yeh here?" I heard and Max appeared looking just as ticked off.

"To check on tha bird I picked up from a fuckin' park las' nigh' cause yeh a douche bag." I said seriously.

"Oh this comin' from yeh of all people."

I rolled my eyes, "meh mate? Yeh didn't tell meh she was yeh ex and yeh knew I slept wif her." I said crossing my arms, "which leads meh ta wonda why did yeh pretend not ta know her?"

He rolled his eyes and Ellie spoke up, "guys..."

"No. I wanna know." I said sternly as I glared at him, "did she break up wif yeh?"

He stifled a laugh, "I know what yeh insinuatin'."

I shrugged, "then deny it."

The one thing I questioned was whether he was using Ellie to get back at that girl and that would make me want to kill him even more.

"This doesn't concern yeh Lee."

I chuckled, "kind of does."

"Why are yeh all of a sudden interested in my bird? Wanna sleep wif her too?"

"Max." Ellie said seriously and I smirked at her, "don't worry El. Yeh know I do."

She shook her head with a grin and I looked back at Max, "maybeh yeh should go."

"'Cuse meh? Yeh should leave. She's my girlfriend."

"Ex-girlfriend. I'm sure once yeh kiss someone else it changes and plus, assumin' from the look on her face she doesn't want yeh here eitha."

"Actually he was leaving..." she said and he rolled his eyes, "this isn't ova." He said to her and she shrugged clearly not wanting to fight.

He stormed past me mumbling something and I simply kept my eyes on Ellie.

"Yeh ok?"

She shrugged and I stepped inside closing the door behind me.

"What are you doing here?" She asked with a smile.

"Checkin' up on yeh."

"I'm fine."

"Doubtful."

"Well I'm telling you I am."

I laughed, "why? Yeh don't have ta lie ta meh love. Now tell meh what he said."

She sighed, "just that it was all her."

"Do yeh believe him?"

"I don't even care anymore. Like this is ridiculous."

I chuckled, "yeh sound like a guy."

"No. I just don't put up with bullshit."

"A guy answa."

She shrugged, "oh well."

"Look, get dressed. We will go out." I said noticing she was in barely any clothes now and I had to force myself to swallow.

"No." She said with a sigh as she placed her arms on my shoulder. I bit my lip at the closeness and placed my arms around her waist.

"Well, what do yeh wanna do, dear?" I asked softly my thumb running over her hip bone repeatedly. I honestly had to remind myself to breathe.

I managed to some how pull her closer to me and her green eyes reached mine.

Before I could even think of something to say she was kissing me. I held her to me tightly not believing the events that were taking place but I wasn't against it. I couldn't help but kiss her a lot differently than I did any other girl. It was a lot more careful and slower which she didn't seem to mind but I was surpised I was capable of it.

I brought my hand to her neck as our lips moved in sync together, my tongue grazing her bottom lip. She pulled back against my will and I was breathing heavily as our eyes locked.

I brushed her cheek with my fingers before leaning in and kissing her gently.

"What was that love?" I asked softly.

"I don't know. I just wanted to see what it was like to kiss you."

"And?" I whispered rubbing her side. My senses and my lips were now tingling.

"Pretty good."

I smirked, "yeah, it was prettah good."

She laughed softly and I ran my hand into her hair. She quickly grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me from the door to her couch.

"Are yeh tryin' ta make out wif meh?" I asked with a smirk as I pulled her on to me. I needed more than a make out session, but I'd take what I could get.

"The question is why aren't you trying to make out with me." She said and I laughed, "Oh, uh, well, good question." I said pulling her to me and kissing her as I laid her on the couch.

If she wanted to make out with me who was I to object?

"I juss want yeh ta know, I haven't just made out wif a girl in well, foreva." I said against her shoulder as I held her to me. My lips were now a bit numb from all the kissing we've done, but I wouldn't complain about it.

"I also haven't well, I don't know what yeh would call this. Cuddled someone in foreva." I said causing her to chuckle.

"Well then why are you doing it with me?" She asked softly before she kissed my cheek.

"I don't know, love. I reallah don't. Yeh different." I whispered locking eyes with her.

"Awe. Do you like me?" She asked and I shrugged nervously, "do yeh like meh?"

"Maybe a little."

"Maybeh a little?" I asked with a chuckle.

She giggled and I kissed her cheek, "Yeh propa lovely. No one would believe this was happenin' even if I told'em."

"I don't blame them."

I rolled my eyes with a grin as she spoke, "still want to shag me?"

"Oh yeah. more than eva." I answered honestly.

She laughed and I ran my hand down her side as I kissed down her neck.

"Do yeh wanna?" I mumbled against her neck. She didn't object as my lips hit her and I picked her off the couch.

I carried her to her room a part of me felt a bit of pride that I finally was going to succeed in this plan, but then the other half, (the one that clearly seemed dominant) felt like this was wrong. Not that I didn't want to, because she was beautiful and I was already having trouble taking my hands off her. But it just didn't feel like the right timing.

I forced myself off of her which was harder than I thought it would be. I straddled her waist as I sat up breathing heavily.

"I ca'nt do this." I said as she stared at me clearly a bit confused.

"I just...yeah I can't." I said with a groan as I climbed off of her cursing myself out mentally. I pulled on my shirt and buttoned my pants as she sat up watching me confusion all on her face.

I looked at her thinking bout how fucking stupid I was. What guy does this?! What guy leaves a beautiful girl because he feels like it isn't right?! That was such a bird move.

I breathed in deeply, "Ellie, love, it isn't that I don't want yeh cause believe meh, I very much do, I juss, I dunno how to explain it. I'm gonna go ok? I'll see yeh lata." I finally got out and she just nodded clearly not knowing what to say.

I pretty much beat myself up the whole ride home. Who does that?! Could I be anymore stupid?!

"Matt?!" I yelled right as I opened the door.

"Dude, I'm right here." He said from the couch and I slammed the door shut.

"I'm stupid. I'm so fuckin stupid." I repeated and he gave me a insane look.

"I had her. Do yeh get that? Like we were makin' out and I had tha opportunity to take it furtha and what did I do? I told her I couldn't and left! I left Matt!" I yelled frantically.

"Yeh a maniac. Calm down."

I breated in deeply and fell into the chair.

"Why did yeh leave? Was she not a good kissa?" He asked clearly interested. Then again I would be too because this never happened.

"No. She was great. Fantastic reallah."

"Then what's the issue?"

"I don't know! It's like for tha first time my conscience kicked in!"

He chuckled and I groaned as I tugged at my hair, "she probably is mad at meh."

"Probably not. I can't believe how much yeh like her."

"I..." I started off defensively, but I didn't know if I could finish it anymore.

"Yeh what? Yeh gonna say yeh don't? Cause it's clearly obvious yeh do. Yeh wouldn't even sleep wif her!"

"Cause I know her! It's now compromised! I would sleep wif anyone else! In fact! That's what I'm gonna go do!"

"Do yeh fink that would make it betta?"

"Would make me not feel so bad bout it." I grumbled.

He shook his head, "yeh know yeh won't cause yeh like her and that would hurt her feelins."

I sighed, "I'm juss gonna avoid her for a while. I'm goin' ta bed." I grumbled as I trailed slowly up the stairs. This was becoming worse than I imagined possible...