What Gets You Through The Night.

Avoiding her was the furthest thing I wanted to do, but I had no other choice in the matter. I knew if I didn't there would be no chance for me and I'd be just like everyone else that I made fun of.

I laid on my bed staring at the ceiling. This was just ridiculous. How I let her do this was beyond me. I couldn't help but get attached to her. She was sweet, funny, adorable. It was all her fault.

"Yeh can't avoid her Lee. That's goin' to hurt her." Matt said appearing in my doorway.

"Yeah, well if I dont it's gonna hurt meh."

"Why? Why can't yeh juss like her and be done wif it?"

"Cause I don't want to Matt! I don't wanna like her!" I said loudly.

"Why not?"

"Cause..."

"Yeh scared?"

"Of what?!"

"Of endin' up like everyone else."

I sighed and shrugged, "Maybeh."

"Why is it such a bad fing? If yeh like her and fall in love wif her then why can't yeh end up like that?"

"Cause I don't want to." I grumbled.

"That's stupid. If yeh find a decent bird, which yeh have cause she's propa lovely, then yeh need ta take her before someone else does."

I groaned and fell back onto my pillow, "she doesn't like meh."

"Yeh daft. She kissed yeh, Lee. She likes yeh."

"That could of been a sudden urge caused by Max hurt her."

"Well, yeh left her so, yeh aren't any betta."

"Fanks Mate. Makin' me feel tons betta."

"Juss talk ta her." He said before leaving my room.

Maybe he was right on some level. Maybe I was scared. I didn't want to open up and then get rejected. Being hurt wasn't worth it to me.

I'd just avoid her until I had a plan. That sounded reasonable didn't it?

Several days passed and I had managed to not speak to her. Although she never tried to contact me either which I had to say bothered me. Maybe she didn't care at all and I was the one making a big deal out of things.

Yet for the life of me I couldn't get her out of my head. It was like it was payback for everything I've done.

"I fuckin' miss her." I said out loud as I sat in the living room with Matt. If there was anyone else there I knew I wouldn't have admitted it.

"Who?"

"Ellie." I mumbled.

"Yeah, well, that yeh fault."

"She hasn't even texted me or anyfing."

"Why would she?"

I sighed and relaxed against the couch, "I juss keep hopin' it'll go away."

"How's that goin'?"

"Not good." I grumbled.

"Well, she might be at Matty's tonight."

"Why?"

"He's havin' a party. I told yeh that."

"Oh..." I mumbled trying to recall him telling me that info.

"See, yeh been out of it lately. Come wif meh. See her, apologize, etc."

"I don't know..."

"Yes. Yeh juss said yeh miss her!"

"Yeah, but..."

"But nuffin yeh goin'."

I sighed and leaned against the couch. I knew he was right. A part of me desperately wanted to see her. I just needed to swallow my pride and do it.

Of course Matt was going to drag me regardless and by the time I got to Matty's place I was overly nervous. I didn't know what to expect. Was she going to be mad? Yell at me? Or act like nothing happened? I didn't know what would be worse at this point. I just knew I needed to see her.

Once we walked in my eyes didn't settle until I found her laughing with Macy. She must have felt me staring because her eyes shifted to mine for a split second before she turned her attention back to Macy. Did that mean she was avoiding me?

I sighed and shoved my hands in my pockets.

"Chill tha fuck out. Juss say yeh sorrah." Matty said patting my shoulder.

"Don't fink it's gonna be enough. I royally screwed up."

He sighed and pushed me towards her and Macy.

"Hey love, will yeh come wif meh? I can't find thoses crisp yeh said we had." Matty saod holding his hand out for Macy who kept glaring at me. She knew. Of course she did.

She eventually grabbed his hand and they headed to the kitchen leaving Ellie and myself awkwardly.

I looked at her as she seemed to stand in front of me uncomfortably with her arms crossed.

"I'm sorrah." I managed to get out.

"For what? Ignoring me? Leaving me? Or is there something else I didn't catch on to?" She asked calmly.

I sighed, "all of it. I'm sorrah for it all. Mainly tha ignorin' yeh part. Yeh did nuffin wrong, it reallah was all meh."

"It's not you, it's me. Really Lee? I figured you of all people could come up with something better than that." She said before turning to walk away.

Ok. It was evident now that she was mad.

"Wait." I said quickly grabbing her arm.

She sighed and turned back to me, "juss, let meh explain, ok?"

"I really need to find Max..."

"Wait. What?" I asked taken aback by her comment.

"I need to find Max."

"I heard that. Why?"

"Um, because we came here together."

"Yeh fuckin' kiddin' meh righ'? Tha idiot cheats on yeh and yeh get back wif him?" I asked a bit more harsh than I intended, but I meant it.

"You said so yourself that it was her."

"I said that ta make yeh feel betta, Ellie." I said dropping my hand from her instantly.

She shrugged and I glared at her, "if yeh are back wif him then why are yeh still made at meh?"

"Because." She mumbled and I crossed my arms, "yeah, that isn't an answa."

She shrugged once more and I stepped to her bringing my hand to her cheek, "cause yeh like meh more than him."

She rolled her eyes and I ignored it and placed my other arm around her waist holding her close to me. I didn't care who saw to be honest.

"Say it." I whispered her green eyes staring at me intently.

"Hey, how bout yeh back tha hell away from my bird." I heard and looked over to see Max with an angry expression on his face.

I chuckled and removed my arms from her, "this comin' from someone who likes ta snog otha birds."

"Sod off." He said angrily as he protective wrapped his arm around her. She just stared at me and I couldn't help but laugh, "Mate no offense, but yeh should work on a come back betta than that so yeh don't sound so guilty."

He dropped his arm from her and stepped to me clearly angry because his jaw was more prominent than I recall.

"What Max? Gonna hit meh cause yeh bird fancies meh more than yeh?" I asked not daring to back down.

"Lee..." Ellie started and grabbed my arm.

"Oh don't be Lee-ing anyone. Yeh need ta get him." Oli said chuckling as he looked at Max.

"No. It doesn't matta. I'm not gonna fight someone ova a bird." I said angrily as I pulled my arm from hers.

Although Max was wrong and I now wasn't a big fan of his, I was not the type to make a fool out of myself over a girl.

Ellie's eyes seemed hurt by that remark as she crossed her arms.

"Well, I'm goin ta head home. Yeh two have fun." I said with a wave before I walked away. I knew by the quietness of Ellie she was hurt, but then again, she shouln't have put me through this. If she wanted me she needed to just say it! Then again, what was I saying? I couldn't even admit to liking her.

"Oh come on Lee. Don't give up so easily." Matt said following behind me out the door.

"No. I'm not gonna fight anyone. This isn't fuckin' Romeo and Juliet."

"Well I hope not cause they both die at tha end." He said and I rolled my eyes as I reached the car.

"Come on Lee. For fucks sake! How can yeh be mad at her when yeh won't admit ta likin' her?!" He added.

See what I mean? He can basically read my mind!

"Yeh know I do! Yeh tell meh every bloody day!"

"Then juss say it!"

"I fuckin' like Ellie! There!" I shouted as I got in angrily slamming the door behind me.

"Well yeh shouldn't tell meh." He said calmly as he got in, "yeh should also start drivin' yehself. I'm sick of takin' yeh home."

I rolled my eyes and stared out the window. I knew he was right. I should just tell her, but the part of me that has been closed up for so long wouldn't allow it.

I didn't bother thanking Matt as I got out of the car and made it inside our house. My head was now hurting from everything that had happened and I just wanted to lie down.

I fell onto the couch with a sigh. This had been the 2nd party I had left before it even began and I couldn't remember the last time I drank alcohol which was absurd.

This was all her fault.

I eventually found myself drifting to sleep and I allowed it to take over. I had nothing else to do besides think of her which I did not want at the moment, so sleep was more than welcomed.