Save Me

I held tightly to Abbie's hand as we traveled with the detective to the morgue. I was scared that they were going to be right about Emma. I didn't want them to be right. I wanted Emma to be alive and happy. I wanted to see her smiling and laughing as we had a water gun fight with the rest of the guys. Matt, Jimmy, Brian, and Zacky were waiting in the lobby. Abbie didn't want them all coming down with us because she didn't want the room to be crowded. I could understand as much. The detective stopped just outside of the door and turned towards us.

"Are you ready?" she asked softly.

Abbie wrapped her arm around my waist and I wrapped mine around hers. I knew she was still hurting from losing Nathan. I just prayed that they had the wrong body. I prayed that the news of Emma being dead wasn't true. Abbie wouldn't be able to handle it. I knew that she wouldn't be able to handle losing her daughter.

"Mrs. Moore?" the detective prompted.

Abbie looked up at me and I kissed her forehead. She turned back to the detective and took a deep breath.

"Yes," she whispered softly.

I tightened my hold on her waist as we walked inside the morgue. It was cold as fuck in the room and there were a few metal slabs. Only one was covered in a white cloth. My breath caught in my throat as I focused on it. I felt Abbie stiffen at my side and I knew she saw the metal table as well. The detective led us over to the table and then stopped. The coroner was standing at the head of the table and he looked towards the detective for instructions. The detective nodded her head and the coroner lifted the sheet and folded it back so that we could see the face of the body.

Abbie choked on a sob as she stared at the body. I felt my own tears well up in my eyes as I looked at the body of the little girl. Her brown hair was slightly tangled and her eyes were closed. Her face was paler than normal, but I knew the face. It was Emma. Abbie hid her face in my chest and I held onto her tightly. The coroner pulled the sheet back over Emma's face.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," the detective said.

I only nodded my head. Abbie's body was shaking with sobs. I rubbed her back as she held onto me tightly. I managed to get her to walk out of the morgue and back down the hall towards the elevators. The detective walked with us and told us that they were close in finding the people who did this. I only nodded. I was afraid to speak at the moment. I didn't want to break down into tears because I had to be strong for Abbie. We made it to the elevators and then walked inside.

Once we were back in the lobby I led Abbie to the nearest chair and she collapsed into it. Matt, Zacky, Brian, and Jimmy rushed over to us. They crowded around us as I sat next to Abbie.

"Johnny, was it her?" Jimmy asked.

I looked up at him and nodded my head. I still couldn't find my voice. Jimmy stood up to his full height since he had been leaning forward and covered his face with his hands. Matt sat down on the other side of Abbie and both Brian and Zacky bowed their heads in sadness.

"We'll release the body to you in the next few days so you can bury her," the detective said softly.

"Thank you," I finally managed to say.

I turned back to Abbie, who was still crying. Just seeing her so broken broke my own heart and I needed to be strong for her. I had a feeling that she'd try and do something drastic. Losing Emma was hard, but on top of Nathan made it even worse.

"Matt, can you carry her to the car?" I asked him.

I could have done it just fine, but Abbie needed all of us at the moment. Matt nodded his head and stood up. I helped Abbie stand up, but she wasn't even standing for two seconds before her knees gave out. Matt caught her in his arms and picked her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried harder into his shoulder. We left the station, not wanting to stay any longer than we had to. Once we were back at the car I climbed in and Matt placed Abbie in the car. She immediately latched onto me and I held her as Matt got into the car and drove back to my house. I knew she'd want to stay in Emma's room again.

The car ride was completely silent except for Abbie's sobs. It didn't take Matt long to drive back to my place. We all climbed out and this time Jimmy was the one who managed to get Abbie out of the car. He carried her into the house and I stopped in the kitchen. I started the kettle for hot water so I could make her some hot cocoa. It was her favorite drink when she was upset. It was also Emma's favorite drink. My hands were shaking as I tried to get the cocoa mix into the mug I had pulled from the cupboard.

"Johnny, go be with Abbie. She needs her best friend. I'll get this," Zacky offered.

"Thanks," I mumbled as I left the kitchen.

I walked through the living room and up the stairs. I could hear Abbie's sobs coming from Emma's room. I pushed the door open to see Jimmy sitting with her. I walked further into the room and Jimmy moved so that I could lay down with her. When I did she cuddled into my side and Jimmy left.

"Why her?" she asked thickly through her sobs.

"I don't know, Abbie. I wish I knew, but I don't," I answered.

She continued to cry and I ran my fingers through her hair. Tears finally started trickling down my face and fell into her hair. I wanted Emma back. I wanted to hear her laughter and see her smile again, but I wouldn't be able to. I had been planning on walking her down the aisle at her wedding day like she had asked me when she was five and her mom was getting married. Now, that wasn't going to happen. Emma had been cheated out of a life and I wanted to murder the bastards that did this to her. Abbie's sobs calmed down after awhile and her breathing finally evened out. I glanced down and noticed that she was asleep.

I kissed the top of her head as I finally let my tears fall. I held onto Abbie as tight as I could because if it hadn't been Emma who was killed it could have been Abbie. I lost a part of me when Emma was killed, but I knew that I'd lose another part if I allowed Abbie to fall back into her depression before she had Emma. It was a struggle then and it was going to be a struggle again. My eyes closed as I thought about what I could possibly do to make sure Abbie didn't sink back into a depression.

****

Today we were burying Emma. Abbie had started to withdraw from everyone. I had to get Angel to help her get dressed, but I knew she didn't want to bury her little girl. I didn't want to bury Emma today either, but we had to. I had decided not to wear a suit today because I knew that Emma wouldn't have wanted me to be uncomfortable. I still dressed nicely and made sure that most of my tattoos were covered. A knock at the door made me turn towards it.

"Come in," I said.

The door opened and Angel walked in. She sent me a smile and I returned it half-heartedly.

"Abbie's ready, but she doesn't want to leave the room," she told me softly.

"Thanks. I'll see if I can coax her out of the room," I said. She nodded and then left the room.

I sighed before leaving my room. This wasn't going to go well at all. I walked inside the room to see Abbie lying on the bed. She was facing the wall, but she was dressed for the funeral.

"Abbie, it's time to go," I said.

"I don't want to go," she said emotionlessly.

I swallowed and walked towards the bed and knelt down beside her. "Abbie, Emma would want you there."

"You don't know what Emma would want. She's fucking dead and it's all my fault."

"No. It's not your fault. Emma was taken and then killed. There was nothing you could have done to stop that from happening."

"Yes there is. She could have been staying with you."

"As much as I know Emma would have liked that, being a family with you and Nathan was also important."

"I don't care. I just want my daughter back."

I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. "Abbie, please. We have to go to the church now," I said.

"I told you I don't want to go. Just leave me alone," she answered and rolled over.

"Abbie, don't do this again. You can't let this set you back," I pleaded.

"Dammit, Johnny. My daughter was fucking killed and you want me to go to her goddamn funeral. I can't okay. I can't go. I just can't," she said before she broke down into tears.

I sighed and hugged her tightly.

"Leave me alone, Johnny. Just go," she cried into the pillow.

I shook my head as I kissed her head before getting off of the bed. I knew not to piss her off when she was in a state like this. I left the room and walked down the stairs and into the living room. The limo that was going to be taking us this time was waiting outside. I could see it at the curb, but I didn't know how to get Abbie to come downstairs.

"Where's Abbie?" Jimmy asked.

"Still upstairs. Angel was able to get her dressed, but I couldn't even manage to get her to come out of the room," I answered.

"I'll get her," Matt offered.

"Thanks, Shads," I said.

The rest of us walked out of the house and climbed inside the limo. None of us were really interested in driving so we opted to rent a limo for the day. We waited for about twenty minutes before the door opened again and Matt and Abbie climbed inside. She stayed close to Matt as the driver closed the door and then climbed in and took off towards the cemetery.

****

The service didn't last very long. No one was able to stand up and speak good words about Emma because the pain was just too much. Abbie hadn't stopped crying since we arrived at the cemetery. The burial wasn't going to take long either. Abbie didn't want to drag it out and I didn't blame her. We all piled into the limo as we followed the hearse to the cemetery.
Once there we watched as the grave diggers buried Emma's body into the ground. Abbie almost collapsed as she watched, but Matt was able to keep her standing.

After the burial was over Matt picked Abbie up and carried her back to the car. I climbed in and he handed her to me. She sat on my lap as the tears continued to flow.

"It's all my fault," she whispered thickly.

"No it's not," I reassured her.

"How can you keep telling me that? How, Johnny?" she asked looking at me.

"Abbie, he's right. It's not your fault. You couldn't have prevented the attack on your house," Jimmy piped up.

"Then how am I supposed to get over this?" she asked.

"It's going to be tough starting over, but with us behind you we will get through it," Zacky stated firmly.

"Okay," she said quietly.

She rested her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. I knew this wasn't the end. Being friends with Abbie for as long as I have I knew exactly what game she was pulling and I wasn't going to let her get away with it. Today, however, I couldn't do anything. It was tough for us all. When the limo pulled up to the house we all got out. Matt carried Abbie inside so that it was easier for me to climb out. I unlocked my door and walked inside. Everyone followed and Matt was heading towards the stairs.

"No, don't put her upstairs. Keep her down here," I told him.

He looked at me and then nodded. There was no way that I was going to let her be by herself in a time like this. He carried her to the couch and laid her down. I grabbed a blanket and covered her up. I then turned my attention to the guys.

"We need to make a tribute album for Emma," I said.

"What do you mean?" Brian asked.

"I mean, we each write one song and then we cover five her favorite songs," I replied.

"That would be a kick ass idea," Zacky said.

"Yeah, it's a way to start over and hopefully we could do a small tour to promote it as well," Matt said.

"If we do the tour we have to bring Abbie with us. I cannot leave her alone. I have to watch her carefully," I told them.

"That's fine. We'll help as much as we can too," Zacky offered.

"Thanks," I smiled softly.

****

Over the course of the next month and a half since we found out that Emma had been killed the guys and I were in the studio writing new songs and covering five songs that we knew Emma liked the most. Abbie didn't appreciate getting up early in the morning to accompany us to the studio, but I had to make sure she didn't do any kind of damage to herself. We had finished doing the covers and were making slow progress on the five songs that we had to write. Larry, our manager seemed to like the idea of a tribute album to a person we all loved dearly.

Fans had shown their utter support and submitted condolences online as well as fan-made videos of when Emma was onstage with us during past tours. We were grateful for the footage and Jason helped compile it into videos and photos of Emma as well as one big slideshow for us to use. Larry was making the arrangements for a tour as we continued to work on the CD. We were going to call the CD Diamonds in the Rough. We were all excited for this new CD to send out to the fans.

****

The CD had finally been finished and released. Fans were picking it up left and right. They were also posting reviews of the CD online and concerts were already starting to become sold out. I was still really worried about Abbie though. She hadn't shown any kind of improvement and it was starting to scare me. I wanted us all to start over, but the only way for Abbie to start over was to let go of the past. I prayed that she would let go of the past soon.

I didn't want to forget about Emma. I was planning to keep her memory alive as much as possible, but I couldn't let her death shut me down. Abbie was letting her murder shut everything else down and it wasn't good. Abbie and I were sitting in the living room and watching a movie. She was laying on the couch staring blankly at the TV.

"You don't have to sit there, Johnny," she said softly.

I almost didn't catch what she said. "I do. I don't trust you by yourself," I told her.

"Well, I'm fine. You don't have to save me all the damn time," she spat back.

I sighed. "Abbie, you're not fine. You're grieving and I won't let you grieve by yourself," I reiterated.

She groaned in frustration as she continued to blankly stare at the TV. I wasn't going to give up until she was ready to move on. This hadn't been the first time she dropped into a depressed state due to loss. She had lost both her parents while in eighth grade and my parents took her in, which helped solidify our friendship even more so. That was the only other time that I knew of that Abbie had been so depressed. Not even my parents could bring her out of it, but eventually with time I knew she'd be okay.

****

A month had passed since the release of the CD. The guys and I were planning to start our tribute tour for Emma. Abbie still wasn't doing her best, but she was coming around. I was hoping that after we played our first show and she saw how much the fans loved her and would cherish her memory that she would be pulled out of her depression and be able to move on. It was still hard for me, but I had come to terms that I would no longer be able to spoil the little girl and hang out with her.

"Abbie, I'm taking the suitcases to the bus," I called.

"Fine," she answered.

She still wasn't happy that we were forcing her to come with us, but I was worried she would do something stupid while we were gone. I loaded the bus and then went back inside to make sure that Abbie wasn't going to try and run out on us. She was standing in front of the room that used to be Emma's. I knew that I would have to donate all the toys of hers to a charity, but I would have to do it when Abbie wasn't around. She still had tons of Emma's clothes in storage.

"Abbie it's time to go," I said softly.

She nodded and then followed me down the stairs. We boarded the bus and then it took off to the first venue.

****

When we reached the first venue Jason and Matt led the other roadies in setting everything up. We had managed to get Stone Sour and Halestorm to perform with us as well as Good Charlotte. Joel and Benji were shocked to hear the news because they had come to a few parties in the past when Emma was around and had taken a liking too. They had offered to come and perform as well.

Sound check was done two hours before the first concert. Abbie was still in the bus. She
hadn't wanted to come out, but I was going to have her stand at the side of the stage so I could show her what the fans were doing. After the stage was all set up for all the bands Jason and Matt had managed to coax Abbie to come off of the bus. The concert was going to start in the next hour or so and we could all ready hear the fans screaming and talking. It was heartwarming.

They went wild when Halestorm techs started doing another quick sound check. Halestorm performed followed by Stone Sour and Good Charlotte. The crowd was going wild all ready. When it was our turn to go on I pulled Abbie with me. I made sure she stood at the edge of the stage. We played the first song and the crowd erupted in roars of happiness. When it came time to play the song that I wrote for Emma, Matt called to Abbie and Jason led her out on stage. The crowd was holding up lighters and cell phones. Brian and Zacky started the opening riffs and Jimmy came in on the drums. I started my section as I stared at Abbie.

Her face was coated in tears and I could tell that she was more than happy that we were doing this in remembrance of Emma. Once the song was over I walked over to Abbie after Jason took my guitar from me. She hugged me tightly and I hugged her back.

"I told you, Emma will never be forgotten. We will always remember her and how much of a little devil she was," I whispered.

She looked up at me and smiled through her tears. "I'm so sorry, Johnny. I shouldn't have acted the way I did. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for this. I'm ready to start over," she said.

I smiled and hugged her again. We finished the show and then packed up and left for the next venue.