Where Is My Self-Control?

“You miserable mother fucker, I ought‘a come over there and bash your fuckin’ balls in!” I said along with Captain Spaulding as I watched House of 1000 Corpses for the millionth time.

I was in my living room alone, another night passing time waiting for the weekend. I only ever lived for the weekends really, I didn’t actually do anything with my life that was worthwhile and it had really drained me since my brother left for America just months ago. I went to work everyday and I was not a career job, just something to pay the bills seeing as I still didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life.

I noticed the small key on my phone flashing and picked it up to find I had a message, oh great it’s off of stupid Facebook, I really should disable these alerts, they only send when they feel like it and not every time they should. Before I can even read it properly my phone starts to ring through a call.

“Y-“ I am immediately cut off.

“Get time off work cause you have plane tickets in the mail and you’re coming to see me!” my brother shouted excitedly.

“Dude…what the fuck?” I said slowly.

“Are you having a slow day?” he laughed.

“No, you’re just an asshole. Why am I coming to see you?” I sighed.

“Because I want you to be at our first show. Come on Vod, don’t be a whore!” he whined.

“Well I guess, when am I meant to be coming?” I swallowed and rolled my eyes slightly.

“In a week, I think it’s the fifteenth. Just promise you’ll come.”

I thought for a moment, he knew damn well that I might not be able to get the time off work, but this was a huge deal for him so I could hardly decline, besides, it’s not like I’d get fired for not showing up.

“Ok, ok, I’m coming,” I smiled to myself.

“Fuck yeah!” he exclaimed.

“So how’s it going? I haven’t even heard from you since you got there,” I decided to pause my movie.

“Its amazing, you wouldn’t believe it! I’ll be able to explain everything when you get here and meet everyone!” he told me.

“Alright kiddo,”

He abruptly hung up on me. So…America huh? This could be pretty cool, except for the fact that I’ll be hanging out with my brothers’ new gang of girly emos.

Dead, Jail or Rock n Roll by Hanoi Rocks was blasting through my earphones when my plane landed in Los Angeles. I couldn’t decide whether I was more excited to be in LA or to see my brother after so long. We used to be pretty close but when we split our musical tastes I couldn’t help but rip on him all the time and he didn’t speak to me as much, but I was still as supportive as I could be of him.

I picked up my glittery zebra print luggage, checked my ridiculous make up was still ridiculous and strolled though in my stiletto heeled snakeskin shoes. The song changed to You Drive Me Wild by the Runaways as I spotted my bother and who I knew was his bands singer, Ronnie. Why did that song have to come on shuffle at that exact moment. I pulled my earphones out with a single yank and heard my name called.

“Jacky, you little shit, hey!” I grinned as I reached them and he held me in a hug.

“Slag, how was your flight?” he smiled.

“Dunno I was drunk for most of it and you know what happens when I get drunk,” I shook my hair from my eyes.

“Hi Vod, I’m Ronnie,” he singer smiled, unsure whether to shake my hand or hug me.

“I may not be a faggy emo but I still know who you are,” I winked.

He didn’t seem to know how to take that.

“Ignore her, man, she’s just a Jew,” Jacky shoved my shoulder then grabbed the handle of my suitcase. “So you were air guitaring to your music on the flight?”

“Yep, I know it looks absurd when you can’t hear the music but fuck it,” I shrugged.

“You look absurd no matter what.”

I noticed Ronnie was very quiet but he kept giving me these questionable looks. I must have puzzled him somewhat.

“Have I got shit on my face?” I asked him, quirking an eyebrow.

“What?” he nearly jumped like I burst his bubble.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I ran my finger beneath my lip as my lipstick sometimes smears when I play with the jewellery through my labret.

“I…uh…dunno,”

“Oh I get it, you’re hung over right? Or do you not drink anymore?”

“Vod, leave him alone,” my brother laughed and tugged at my leather jacket sleeve.

I paid Ronnie no mind, I may have read and heard things but that gave me no right to dictate how he should act. I aint the Queen of Sheba.

“So what’s on the agenda? Cause I am fuckin’ hungry, man,” I questioned feeling my stomach giving me trouble.

“We’ll drop your stuff at your hotel room, grab something to eat and we’ll take you to meet the guys,” Jacky nodded at me.

“A hotel? Mother fucker what am I doin’ in a hotel room?” I laughed playfully as we walked along.

“You would seriously not wanna stay with me and I’m not havin’ you stay with Ronnie or the others,” Jacky rose his eyebrows, keeping his constant smile that had become so missed and currently infectious.

“Oh come on! I aint nothin’ to fuck with. They wouldn’t try anything,” I grinned knowing full well that my rough-around-the-edges ways were enough to put off 80% of guys I’d ever met.

“Vod, I was more worried about you getting drunk and raping them not the other way around,” he laughed at me.

“Cheeky fuck!” I sniggered and glanced at Ronnie whom was still silent as the grave walking with us. He seemed about to interject but perhaps unsure, doubtful he was wondering if this comment would offend Jacky but more pensive of testing said offense waters with me.

I may have called these boys and their ‘types’ a bunch of fags but I didn’t mean it. I neither had a problem with gays nor my brother’s friends. I never told him that though. There was a fair bit Jacky didn’t know about me since our lives split off into different directions, fair to say I probably didn’t know about things he did either. He was attached to his guitar at all times and had big plans while I became a waste of space propping up bars and stuffing my nose with cocaine. I’m not going into that right now but if you’re wondering, no- there was, is and never will be any kind of addiction in my life other than music.
Our musical tastes were quite different. I didn’t agree with anything he liked [at least to his face] and stuck with my classic rock for the most part while he forged forward and wanted to do new things.

We drove to this hotel where I checked into and dumped my stuff at before they took me to a restaurant.