Collection of Poetry

I’m sad
I don’t try and find help, search for an answer
I bask in it, wallow in doubt and pity
I build a wall, shut myself from others
They try and shout over it, trying to break it down
Try and find me in the shell I hide in
But all they really do is lay down more brick, strengthen foundation
I find something that might end it
Let happiness seep in through the cracks, send the wall crashing down
But it’s like a drug, only making it worse as I’m pulled from it, bringing back the pain
The wall stands higher than ever
I try and remember a time before the wall, when I wasn’t constantly somewhere else
Here but not, just taking up space as I retreat into the recesses of my mind
And I can’t help bring back a face, a name, some facts
The one who left me in shambles, watching nobody understand how I felt
Watched as they filed my pain away as childish, to be grown out of
As my cries of torture rang from the highest spires to the sediment beneath my feet
They ignored, but as I do the same now, building my wall, they realize what they had done
They see me not angry
Not sad
But just gone
So they act like its nothing, like I’m still around, really laughing, really empathizing
It’s an act, all an act, fine-tuned after so long, it’s flawless
Even I forget sometimes
But every time, I can’t help but remember I stare at the red brick
Smelling decay, hearing only muffled, pointless, white noise
Resigned to my fate
Never to escape the wall