It's Hard to Say Goodbye When You Know That It's Over.

“I‘ll see you in a couple days Sarah.” Doctor Anderson said with a smile. I forced on a smile and left the room. My name is Sarah Bethany Ellis, I’m seventeen and have inoperable lung cancer. The doctor told my parents and I about a month ago that I have about two years left of this life. My feet led me down the hall to the waiting room I was supposed to meet my dad when I saw him.
He was wearing a teal plaid button up shirt with some dark blue jeans and vans on his feet. But that wasn’t what made me look at him, he had a 3 on his throat and bright crystal blue eyes. I sent him a friendly smile and sat across from him. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out looking at the text.
“Be there in 10 - Dad” It read. I put it back and saw the guy leaning towards me.
“Hi, I‘m George.” He said with a smile.
“I‘m Sarah.” I replied.
“Nice to meet you.” He said with a soft smile and sat up.
“You too.” I said and heard someone walk in through the double doors. My dad walked over and I got up hugging him. “Hey dad.”
“Hey hunny.” He said smiling, my dad stood about a foot taller then me and had bags under his eyes from barely any sleep. Since the news of my cancer he had slept less looking up different treatments at night. “Doctor Anderson wanted to talk to you before I left.” The smile faltered on his face faltered and he walked down the hall to my doctors office. I sighed and took a seat again. My eyes glanced over at George, he was biting on his bottom lip a bit in thought.
“I was wondering if I could see you again.” He asked, “Get to know you more.” I smiled, I didn’t have many friends and defiantly no guy friends or crushes. I felt my cheeks get warmer and hoped I wasn’t blushing.
“Sure but I have to talk to my dad.” I said smiling. I reached into my bag and took out a pen, getting up and walking over to him. I took his hand, which was covered with a couple monarch butterflies, and wrote my number on his palm. He stood up after I let go of his hand with a smile on his face. My dad called my name and I walked over to him. “Oh bye George.” I said smiling at him.
“Who‘s the boy?” Dad asked me looking at George.
“His name is George.” I answered with a light smile on my lips. He smiled.
“You like him?”
“I don’t know dad. I just met him.” I said feeling a light blush come up on my cheeks.
“He seems nice.” Dad chuckled and lead me out to his car. I nodded.
“Yea, he wants to hang out sometime.”
“I trust you.” Dad said and I smiled walking next to him. I heard a sigh from my side and looked at him. “Do you wanna do chemo?” He asked. At that sentence all the happy thoughts of George and hanging out went away.
“Chemo?” I restated not wanting to believe it. “Is there anything else I can do?” I asked. Hoping to God there was. I heard different stories about it, you loose your hair, get weaker, nausea, the list goes on and on. I’m not admitting I’m a wuss but these things scared me. I got in the car and he followed.
“I’m sorry Sar…” He sighed turning the engine on. “No.” A frown froze itself on my face and I held back the tears that were brimming on the edge of my eyes. Dad drove us home silently. As soon as he put the car in park my seatbelt was off and I ran into the house. Passing my mom and throwing myself onto my bed. My fingers grabbed the closest thing to me, which happened to be my Cheshire Cat stuffed animal. I buried my face in it crying as footsteps got louder. Soon my bed sunk in and I felt a hand rubbing my back.
“Honey…” My dads voice said softly. I shook my head unable to talk. After a few moments of silence the Pink Panther theme song broke it.
“Can you get that daddy?” I asked though it was muffled by my stuffed animal. I brought my jacket sleeve up and wiped my eyes sniffling. ‘Who would be calling me?’ I thought to myself.
“Hello?” My dad asked whoever it was. The person must have replied because he looked at me and said. “It‘s a guy.” I sat up a little to fast and took the phone with a sniffle.
“H-hello?” I crocked from having a dry throat. Then the voice I started to love answered.
“Hey it‘s George.” A smile could be heard in his voice. Then he asked somewhat cautiously. “Are you ok?” I didn’t want to answer him truthfully because of the fear of explaining and then most likely never hearing from him again.
“Yea just…allergies.” I said unsure myself and hoped he buy it.
“Oh. If you aren’t feeling well…” George trailed off and then added a couple moments later. “Sorry. I was gonna ask you if you wanted to hang out.” He finally said.
“No I can hang out.” I assured him. “Let me just ask my dad.” I said putting my hand over the receiver and looked at my dad. “Can I?”
He nodded. “Be back home before ten.” I smiled and put the phone back to my ear.
“I can hang out. Just gotta be home at ten.” I informed him.
“I can do that.” He replied happily. I gave him my address and we said our goodbyes. My dad had left my room by the time we ended the conversation so I went over to my closet and picked out a light blue pair of jeans, my Y&R sweater. I fixed my hair and cleaned my face up, and cleaned up any sign of me crying. I put on a new layer of eyeliner and put a black beanie on my head, along with putting a few necklaces on and my cross bracelet. My eyes lingered the whole time at the clock when I heard a knock. I quickly put on my shoes hollering “Got it!” and ran downstairs.
I opened the door and saw George. What a sight for sore eyes. I heard myself say in the back of my brain. My brains weird like that.
“Hi.” He smiled. “Wanna go to the beach?” He asked looking down at me.
“Sounds fun.” I said returning the smile and hollered into the house so my parents could hear me where ever they were. “I‘ll be back later!” I shut the door and we walked to his car, which was a nice ‘88 Cadillac. I smiled whole getting in the passenger side and he the drivers side. He drove us to the beach in silence. It was comfortable, not awkward.
Soon George parked and I got out grinning. My eyes scanned over the shore and I took a deep breath in. The last time I went to the beach was on a field trip about a year ago. My mom was almost killed on a beach back when she was thirteen; she lost her voice that day. George’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
“You don’t come to the beach often do you?” He asked while getting out.
I shook my head no. “I haven‘t been here in like a year.”
“Wow.” He mumbled. “My friends and I come all the time.” I nodded. I didn’t have many friends, just people I saw at the hospital and a few kids on my block. There was one person though that I talked to sometimes. She lived in Philly and we’ve been pen pals since kindergarten.
“That must be fun.” I said following him as he walked onto the beach.
“I guess.” He laughed and took a seat in the said. I smiled, his laugh made the world disappear. I took a seat next to him. “What do you do for fun?” He asked me.
“I play piano.” I said biting my lip, looking out at the ocean and thought. I don’t do much. “I also write.” I said not coming up with anything. I was a hermit that wrote stories, played piano, and took pictures on the side. “Wow I don't do much, I’m dull.” I mumbled.
“I’m kinda boring too.” George chuckled. I looked at him with semi-wide eyes.
“Really? What do you do for fun?” I asked him.
“I hang out with the same six guys I grew up with.” He said smiling.
“That’s not boring at all.” I said and pulled my knees to my chest as I heard him mumble a disagreement. I glanced at him to find him smiling at me, a faint blush brightened my cheeks. We were quiet for a few moments.
“So…how old are you?” He asked. My smile faltered and I bit my lip.
“I’m seventeen…..You?” I asked after a moment. He also bit his lip.
“I’m twenty eight.” He replied. Of course just when I find a guy I might be falling for, he’s a decade older then me.
“Oh…” I said quietly and let my eyes drift to the ocean. I heard him mumble and apology and I shook my head. My head turned and I sent him a soft smile. “It’s ok. It’s nice just to talk to someone that isn’t my parents or doctors.” I bit my lip immediately after saying doctors. This was to early to tell him about myself and I felt the subconscious tears building up.
“Doctors?” He asked staring into my eyes with his crystal blue ones. I nodded and mumbled a yes. George kissed my cheek and pulled me into a hug. This small show of affection was more then anyone has ever done. The tears I was trying to hold back fell down my face. Somewhere in the back of my mind I felt bad for ruining his shirt but at the moment I didn’t care. I felt him rub my back soothingly and he kissed my head gently.
“Sarah with you and your parents permission. I would like to date you.” He said softly. I wiped my eyes with my jacket sleeve and looked up at him.
“Really?” I asked and hoped this wasn’t a daydream and I was back in my room. He nodded somewhat hesitantly. I smiled softly at him. “I’d like to date you too.