Status: done.
My best friend.
A real smile.
Things suck.
You left.
You didn’t really understand why I was freaking.
I always knew when something was wrong with you, so I always asked, and trying to help you fix things. Fix anything that was wrong.
But suddenly, when I’m struggling,
Bouncing in and out of hospital care, and being under 72 hour suicide watch.
You weren’t there.
You were always there.
I needed someone to tell me what to do,
And I know you can’t make my decisions for me, but you helped me.
I’m honestly going insane.
Yes, he’s a boy.
Yeah, I shoulda walked away earlier.
But you don’t understand.
Once you give yourself to somebody, its hard to get your full self back.
I fell in love with him, and he still has my heart.
I couldn’t explain that to you, because you would have never understood.
And the other him. You know who I’m talking about.
I actually love him.
And, you being my so-called best friend, should accept that he makes me happy too.
Despite the fact he’s your baseball friend.
I love him.
Yeah, he’s weird, and he has an awkward personality.
But you’ve never seen how he acts toward me!
He holds my hand, and kisses me,
And he calls me beautiful.
He gives me butterflies.
And, HE MAKES ME SMILE.
Not one of my fake, pathetic, see-through smiles.
A real smile.
He actually makes me truly happy.
And I want you to accept that.
Oh, and I’m not apologizing to anybody.
Because, I literally have a mental condition.
I go to a physiologist soon…
They want to put me on medication, for schizophrenia, severe clinical depression, bipolar, sleeping disorders and eating disorders.
So, I’m not letting myself be blamed, for something I wasn’t even realizing I was doing.
Sorry, if that sounds harsh.
But, it wasn’t me.
Finally, come back.
I want you to be the one I come to, and rant to.
I want our all-nighters, sleepovers, energy drinks, fucked up Taylor/Kelli parties.
The ones where we say we’ll sneak out,
And we end up looking at cat videos on YouTube.
Or, we make root beer floats.
And pizza pops.
I need my best friend back.
I have no explanations really, to why I acted like I did.
Accept that I was going insane, literally.
You made me smile.
Another REAL smile.
You made me happy; you made me feel worth something.
I didn’t feel stupid, or ugly, or weird.
I had a gorgeous, hilarious, and fun best friend.
I am extremely jealous of you,
But I think that’s what makes us a good pair.
So please.
Will you be my best friend again?
You left.
You didn’t really understand why I was freaking.
I always knew when something was wrong with you, so I always asked, and trying to help you fix things. Fix anything that was wrong.
But suddenly, when I’m struggling,
Bouncing in and out of hospital care, and being under 72 hour suicide watch.
You weren’t there.
You were always there.
I needed someone to tell me what to do,
And I know you can’t make my decisions for me, but you helped me.
I’m honestly going insane.
Yes, he’s a boy.
Yeah, I shoulda walked away earlier.
But you don’t understand.
Once you give yourself to somebody, its hard to get your full self back.
I fell in love with him, and he still has my heart.
I couldn’t explain that to you, because you would have never understood.
And the other him. You know who I’m talking about.
I actually love him.
And, you being my so-called best friend, should accept that he makes me happy too.
Despite the fact he’s your baseball friend.
I love him.
Yeah, he’s weird, and he has an awkward personality.
But you’ve never seen how he acts toward me!
He holds my hand, and kisses me,
And he calls me beautiful.
He gives me butterflies.
And, HE MAKES ME SMILE.
Not one of my fake, pathetic, see-through smiles.
A real smile.
He actually makes me truly happy.
And I want you to accept that.
Oh, and I’m not apologizing to anybody.
Because, I literally have a mental condition.
I go to a physiologist soon…
They want to put me on medication, for schizophrenia, severe clinical depression, bipolar, sleeping disorders and eating disorders.
So, I’m not letting myself be blamed, for something I wasn’t even realizing I was doing.
Sorry, if that sounds harsh.
But, it wasn’t me.
Finally, come back.
I want you to be the one I come to, and rant to.
I want our all-nighters, sleepovers, energy drinks, fucked up Taylor/Kelli parties.
The ones where we say we’ll sneak out,
And we end up looking at cat videos on YouTube.
Or, we make root beer floats.
And pizza pops.
I need my best friend back.
I have no explanations really, to why I acted like I did.
Accept that I was going insane, literally.
You made me smile.
Another REAL smile.
You made me happy; you made me feel worth something.
I didn’t feel stupid, or ugly, or weird.
I had a gorgeous, hilarious, and fun best friend.
I am extremely jealous of you,
But I think that’s what makes us a good pair.
So please.
Will you be my best friend again?
♠ ♠ ♠
♥♥♥♥!