Status: done.
My best friend.
Pause. Rewind. Fast forward.
re•mem•ber
[ri-mem-ber]
verb
1. to recall to the mind by an act or effort of memory; think of again
2. to retain in the memory; keep in mind; remain aware of.
3. to have (something) come into the mind again.
I remember.
I don’t know if you do, or maybe you do, you just don’t care.
But I remember.
The sleepovers.
Root beer floats.
Sneaking out (Al thought that never really happened…)
Pizza pops.
Toaster strudels.
Writing.
Zombie apocalypse.
Tampons.
Art room.
Eye-wash station.
The stairwell.
Mistakes.
Inside jokes.
Boys.
Girls.
My Chemical Romance.
Broken collar bones.
Dawwgs (Woof)
Motocross.
All nighters.
Insidious.
Cake.
Hair dye.
Spirits.
After school.
Sisters.
Best friends.
And now we’re strangers...
Time to fill you in on what’s been happening.
Because I’ve wanted to tell you and rant to you for a long ass time.
So here it goes.
I’d love to say that I’m a perfect person.
But I’m not. I’m a work in progress I guess you could say.
I’m off all medications.
I haven’t cut or been in the hospital in a long time.
I’m good.
And yes, you did read that for real.
I’m good.
I’m stable.
I have a good boyfriend (Despite the fact that you don’t like him)
I’m doing well in school, I like my classes.
I’ve said ‘fuck all the bullshit’.
I honestly don’t even care what people think of me.
I’m doing me, and it feels fucking fantastic.
Pause.
Rewind.
You.
You aren’t doing well at all.
You aren’t focusing on your school work.
You are struggling at home.
Sister issues.
You being blamed and yelled at.
Your parents assuming.
People are stupid.
Drama.
You just feel… invisible.
I may not be around, but I know you better than you think I do.
I wish I could help.
I wish I could make all of your problems go away.
I wish I could take all of your problems, and just poof them into nothing.
But hey, you were the one I called at random times crying.
Its your turn.
Pause.
Fast forward.
Continuing on.
Great. Here comes the hard part.
Don’t cry, okay?
Oh… Sorry, talking to myself!
I kid, I kid.
Anyways…
I am so sorry.
I am so sorry for being a horrible person, and letting my thoughts get to me. I’m sorry I was so selfish. I’m sorry for being so insensitive and self centered. I’m so sorry for being stupid, to go and leave those marks all over my body. I’m so sorry for scaring you with the suicide attempts. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I’m sorry that I put myself above you, and all the stuff in your life. I’m sorry if it seemed like you were only around when I needed you. I’m sorry if it seemed like I was using you. I’m sorry that I made the world revolve around me. I’m so sorry for the lying, the word twisting, and the drama, all of the bullshit I caused. I’m sorry for all the mistakes I made that caused all the past bull crap to happen. I’m sorry for all of the times I hurt you. The little times, the big times, and all the times in between. I am so sorry I broke you down for so long. And I am insanely sorry it took me so long to tell you this.
I miss you.
I know, saying and proving/showing it is two different things.
So here I am.
Trying my ass off to show you that I miss my best friend.
I miss the girl I met in grade 9, the girl that kept me at Eastwood, the girl that helped me realize that making stupid decisions isn’t gonna help me. The girl that taught me to trust, to believe, and to love myself. The girl who made me understand that with help, I can get better. The girl who opened my eyes to a whole new world; good music, hair dye, love, and the most meaningful… friendship. Oh, and the girl who reminded me that prefixes pwn, and suffixes suck.
I love you, so much, I can’t even explain.
And even thought teenagers scare the living shit out of me, you don’t.
“She means everything to me. I can trust her with my life. Every secret she tells me, I cherish. Because she’s my best friend. I tell her every secret of mine, no lies. I can be myself around her and she just laughs and goes along with it. I never have to worry about looking stupid or sounding weird, because she always knows what I mean.
We fuck up. I mean, we all do. I’m so determined not to fuck up with her. I don’t think I could live life without this one person that makes me feel normal. I know, I can start drama and I drag her into it. But I’m just trying to include her as much as possible in my life. I open my big mouth sometimes, and then I’m afraid to lose her.
I gotta stop doing that.
All these boys who like me. I hate it. I want them to love her. She’s prettier, and nicer and way more amazing than I am. She deserves it way more than I do. She doesn’t lie, and she can’t hate you no matter how hard she tries. You know, some people ask if we’re related. I think its because I try so hard to look like her. Truth being, I’m jealous of her. Everyone likes her and trusts her. No one dislikes her. I wish I were her, so badly.
The thought of losing her kills me. I don’t think I could live an hour without seeing my best friend. She doesn’t believe in best friends. But she is mine 30810971895710591%. Always. No awkwardness. No secrets. No lies.”
I know I broke some promises along the way.
I know I didn’t follow through with all the things I said.
I know I was a shitty friend.
And I’m not telling you to forgive me, because after all of this, I don’t expect you to.
But hey.
“When I was a niner,
My best friend took me into the stairwell,
To study for exams…”
Oh fuck my life.
I’m so cheesy c:
Alright so.
I miss you.
And I love you to pieces.
So I shall leave you with this…
Remember;
It’s never goodbye.
It’s just see you later.
[ri-mem-ber]
verb
1. to recall to the mind by an act or effort of memory; think of again
2. to retain in the memory; keep in mind; remain aware of.
3. to have (something) come into the mind again.
I remember.
I don’t know if you do, or maybe you do, you just don’t care.
But I remember.
The sleepovers.
Root beer floats.
Sneaking out (Al thought that never really happened…)
Pizza pops.
Toaster strudels.
Writing.
Zombie apocalypse.
Tampons.
Art room.
Eye-wash station.
The stairwell.
Mistakes.
Inside jokes.
Boys.
Girls.
My Chemical Romance.
Broken collar bones.
Dawwgs (Woof)
Motocross.
All nighters.
Insidious.
Cake.
Hair dye.
Spirits.
After school.
Sisters.
Best friends.
And now we’re strangers...
Time to fill you in on what’s been happening.
Because I’ve wanted to tell you and rant to you for a long ass time.
So here it goes.
I’d love to say that I’m a perfect person.
But I’m not. I’m a work in progress I guess you could say.
I’m off all medications.
I haven’t cut or been in the hospital in a long time.
I’m good.
And yes, you did read that for real.
I’m good.
I’m stable.
I have a good boyfriend (Despite the fact that you don’t like him)
I’m doing well in school, I like my classes.
I’ve said ‘fuck all the bullshit’.
I honestly don’t even care what people think of me.
I’m doing me, and it feels fucking fantastic.
Pause.
Rewind.
You.
You aren’t doing well at all.
You aren’t focusing on your school work.
You are struggling at home.
Sister issues.
You being blamed and yelled at.
Your parents assuming.
People are stupid.
Drama.
You just feel… invisible.
I may not be around, but I know you better than you think I do.
I wish I could help.
I wish I could make all of your problems go away.
I wish I could take all of your problems, and just poof them into nothing.
But hey, you were the one I called at random times crying.
Its your turn.
Pause.
Fast forward.
Continuing on.
Great. Here comes the hard part.
Don’t cry, okay?
Oh… Sorry, talking to myself!
I kid, I kid.
Anyways…
I am so sorry.
I am so sorry for being a horrible person, and letting my thoughts get to me. I’m sorry I was so selfish. I’m sorry for being so insensitive and self centered. I’m so sorry for being stupid, to go and leave those marks all over my body. I’m so sorry for scaring you with the suicide attempts. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I’m sorry that I put myself above you, and all the stuff in your life. I’m sorry if it seemed like you were only around when I needed you. I’m sorry if it seemed like I was using you. I’m sorry that I made the world revolve around me. I’m so sorry for the lying, the word twisting, and the drama, all of the bullshit I caused. I’m sorry for all the mistakes I made that caused all the past bull crap to happen. I’m sorry for all of the times I hurt you. The little times, the big times, and all the times in between. I am so sorry I broke you down for so long. And I am insanely sorry it took me so long to tell you this.
I miss you.
I know, saying and proving/showing it is two different things.
So here I am.
Trying my ass off to show you that I miss my best friend.
I miss the girl I met in grade 9, the girl that kept me at Eastwood, the girl that helped me realize that making stupid decisions isn’t gonna help me. The girl that taught me to trust, to believe, and to love myself. The girl who made me understand that with help, I can get better. The girl who opened my eyes to a whole new world; good music, hair dye, love, and the most meaningful… friendship. Oh, and the girl who reminded me that prefixes pwn, and suffixes suck.
I love you, so much, I can’t even explain.
And even thought teenagers scare the living shit out of me, you don’t.
“She means everything to me. I can trust her with my life. Every secret she tells me, I cherish. Because she’s my best friend. I tell her every secret of mine, no lies. I can be myself around her and she just laughs and goes along with it. I never have to worry about looking stupid or sounding weird, because she always knows what I mean.
We fuck up. I mean, we all do. I’m so determined not to fuck up with her. I don’t think I could live life without this one person that makes me feel normal. I know, I can start drama and I drag her into it. But I’m just trying to include her as much as possible in my life. I open my big mouth sometimes, and then I’m afraid to lose her.
I gotta stop doing that.
All these boys who like me. I hate it. I want them to love her. She’s prettier, and nicer and way more amazing than I am. She deserves it way more than I do. She doesn’t lie, and she can’t hate you no matter how hard she tries. You know, some people ask if we’re related. I think its because I try so hard to look like her. Truth being, I’m jealous of her. Everyone likes her and trusts her. No one dislikes her. I wish I were her, so badly.
The thought of losing her kills me. I don’t think I could live an hour without seeing my best friend. She doesn’t believe in best friends. But she is mine 30810971895710591%. Always. No awkwardness. No secrets. No lies.”
I know I broke some promises along the way.
I know I didn’t follow through with all the things I said.
I know I was a shitty friend.
And I’m not telling you to forgive me, because after all of this, I don’t expect you to.
But hey.
“When I was a niner,
My best friend took me into the stairwell,
To study for exams…”
Oh fuck my life.
I’m so cheesy c:
Alright so.
I miss you.
And I love you to pieces.
So I shall leave you with this…
Remember;
It’s never goodbye.
It’s just see you later.
♠ ♠ ♠
♥