Once Again

I sighed as I walked into my apartment with my sleeping daughter in my arms. Carefully closing the door behind me, I locked it before making my way towards Ember's room. On the way over, I placed her sketch book, ipod touch and my purse on the counter before continuing my way. Opening the door to her red and blue bedroom, I placed my sleeping child on her little bed before going over to her dresser and brought out her little HIM pj's that Ville Valo himself made her last year. Ville made it a bit too big to fit my daughters small frame, but she soon grew into them. After changing her, I brought the covers over her small body. I smiled as she snuggled closer into the bed and blankets before her soft little snors filled her bedroom. Closing the door behind me, I made my way towards my bedroom and changed into some not-so-short, but still short short and an overlarge t-shirt with the sleeves cut off. A t-shirt that belonged to Matt. For some reason, I could never throw it away. I tried countless of times, but I never had the heart for it.

Walking back into the living room, I got my laptop bag before settling down on the couch. Getting everything set up, I turned on my computer before getting up and walked into the kitchen. Getting out a beer and water, I closed the fridge door again before going back to the living room. Looking at the screen of my laptop, I smiled when I saw the screen-savor.It was one of Ember laying on her stomach, looking down at her sketch book and drawing away. I never understood how Ember could draw so well, even for a four and a half year old. I couldn't draw to save my life and her father... Well he could draw okay. But not draw like Ember. Her drawing remind me of my mother. My mother, Lotus, drew everything and anything that came her way. That is, until she died three years ago from a house invasion.

Shaking my head from sad and negative thoughts, I opened a new folder before typing in Avenged Sevenfold as the name. Pulling out the list and times of tour dates, signings, interviews, Meet and Greets, photo-shoots, and days off that was inside a red folder, I began to place them all into the computer. I was half-way done with the tour dates and days off when a pounding came from the door. Startling me from my thoughts and work, I quickly jumped out of my seat before rushing towards the door. I unlocked and threw the door open, not even bothering to look through the peep hole to see who it was due to the fact that I wanted the pounding to stop so it wouldn't wake Ember up. As I threw the door open, who was standing at the other end, fist clenched and held up ready for another round of pounding at the door, startled me. Matt was standing there, clothing a bit wrinkled. Looking at his face, I saw that his lip was split, and his eyes were rimmed red.

"Matt," I breathed as I took hold of his wrist and brought him inside. After locking the door behind me, I pulled him into the kitchen and made him take a seat on one of the stools before going to the second drawer and brought out a first-aid kit.

"What the hell happened to you?" I asked as I began to clean the dried blood off his lip.

"Got into a fight with all the guys," Matt mumbled, flinching a bit when the peroxide covered wipe touched his cut.

"Sorry," I mumbled as I got another one," Wait. A fight with all the guys? At once?"

Matt nodded his head, not bothering to respond.

"Why?" I asked, looking at him in the eye.

Matt looked into my eyes for a moment before he sighed and closed those beautiful orbs to me.

"Because they knew," he whispered, opening his eyes.

I looked at Matt, confused at what he meant by that. Matt sighed before motioning for me to continue to clean his cut. I did so before he continued to speak.

"They knew that I have a daughter and I didn't."

When those words left his mouth, I stopped my motions completely before looking at him. I saw that he was looking at me contently before looking away.

"Oh," was all I said before continuing.

After three minutes, he was all cleaned up and I was just throwing away the used medical equipment when I felt him stand behind me. Turning, I saw that he was closer then I thought he was.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, looking at me with sad eyes.

I looked at him sharply before shoving him back. Now I know that Matt is a big guy with glorious muscles grazing his body and it was hard to move him without using force, but I managed to make him stumble.

"I was going to tell you the day I found out. I was rehearsing what I was going to tell you that night. But I as I walked in, I saw you fucking Val on the couch," I seethed, looking at me with hard and sad eyes,"How do you think that made me feel, huh? It made me feel like I was trash. That I wasn't fucking good enough for you. I was fucking heart broken and hurt badly when I saw that. Everything shattered before my eyes. I ran out, not waiting to look at your face as the look of pleasure and satisfaction coated it. The thought of telling you about Ember left my mind completely. That's when Jimmy found out. I told him not to go to your house, that it was over and done with. But you know how Jimmy is. He sees me as his baby sister. His baby sister that was broken and five weeks pregnant."

With that, I left him in the kitchen before going back into the living room and continuing my work. I had just typed in the last tour dates when Matt came back in.

"You were five week pregnant? Why didn't you tell me before?" he whispered.

I looked at him for a moment before looking back at my laptop.

"I didn't know," I said, not looking at him as I sent the whole dates to my iPhone to have a back up," I didn't show any symptoms before the fifth week. I went to the doctor, thinking it was just the flu or something. That's when I found out I was having Ember. I was both happy and scared. Happy that I was going to have a baby. Scared to know what your reaction was going to be like. After the doctor's appointment, I went to the park to think how I was going to tell you. When I got to the house, that's when I saw you two."

It was quiet between the two of us for a couple of moments before I felt one of his hands on my face, turning it to look at me.

"She got me drunk," Matt said, looking at me in the eye," I thought that she came over just to talk and reminisce about times that we were in elementary school. I didn't know that her intentions were otherwise."

"I know," I sighed out as I looked at him," she came to me four months later with the truth. Michelle was literally twisting her arm to tell me the truth. That was the last time I saw Val."

"So," Matt said, his eyebrows scrunched together," Michelle knew? Did the other girls know too?"

I nodded my head at him before answering," You know that the guys can't keep anything away from them."

Matt's hand on my face fell and he placed his head in his hands.

"Everyone knew, "I heard him mumble out," everyone fucking knew about her except for me."

I stayed quiet, knowing that he needed time to think and process everything in. By the time he was done, I had everything saved and my laptop was closed, snugged inside its holder. I looked over at Matt from where I was standing to see that he was looking at me.

"Your wearing my shirt," he said, giving me a small smile, making his dimples pop out a bit.

I looked down and blushed madly before looking back at him.

"Oh, yeah," was all I said.

When Matt got a good look at my face, his smile grew bigger. But as soon as it came, it went.

"Can I- can I see her," he said out, rubbing the back of his neck.

Smiling at him, I nodded my head before motioning for him to follow me. Out footsteps could be heard as we walked down the hall and towards a door that held up a sign that read 'Do Not Enter. Unless It Momma'. Matt chuckled a bit before I opened the door. Stepping aside, I let him enter the room. I watched as Matt knelled down to the level of Ember's bed. I smiled and felt tears fill my vision as I watched him stroke her cheek gently before leaning over and kissing her cheek. I saw as he whispered something into her ear, making Ember smile in her sleep before snuggling deeper into the bed. Matt gave her one final kiss before standing back up and walking out of her room. Closing the door behind me, I walked behind Matt as he headed to the front door. He had just opened the door before spinning around and brought me into a bone crushing, yet familiar hug.

"Thank you for giving me the most wonderful thing in the world," he whispered into my ear, kissing my temple before pulling back to look down at him. I leaned up to my tip-toes and kissed his cheek.

As I did so, I couldn't help but feel him shudder when I kissed his cheek.

"This also means that I am going to be in her life. Yours as well," Matt said before quickly placing a passionate kiss on my lips before leaving me at my doorstep, shocked, but happy.