Hold Me Close

Mine and Jake's 'relationship' lasted about a week, before finally he broke it off.
I don't blame him, the whole week I was ignoring him, and being a bitch.
I didn't know why at the time, but now that I think back, I just couldn't be in a relationship. I pushed him away and gave up before we even started.

He was sweet, kind, sensitive, and good-looking. Why did I try so hard to push him away?

The rest of grade nine, we were on and off.
I like him, I like him not. I like him, I like him not.
He never stopped liking me though. He hooked up with other girls, and I hooked up with other guys but we never stopped talking to each other about how we really felt.

Grade ten. Jake got a girlfriend, Rebecca.
She was my good friend and I hated that they were together. I never admitted it though. I ignored it. First high school football game of the season and me and my friends went to the game. I met a guy there. His name was Conner and he was dating a friend of mine. He kept complaining about how his girlfriend, Anna, was sitting beside her ex boyfriend and how she had already cheated on him once. He sat beside me and we had a connection, one that I should have ignored.

Later that night, I hung out at a friends house. Including Jake and Conner. Me, Jake, and Conner walked off to get a smoke off someone. Jake ended up turning around and going back to the group.

That night, me and Conner hooked up.
A couple people knew, but Anna did not.

A couple weeks go by, and Jake has a party at his house.
Conner and Anna were both invited. Rebecca wasn't.

I don't remember that night. Very few things flash into my mind when I try and think back. Things that I do remember:

- I got my face shoved into a wall by Anna.
- Conner punched a hole in the wall.
- I made out with Jake and told him that I wanted him to be with me.
- I drank way too much.

Within the next few weeks, two relationships ended. Both because of me.