Status: writing.
Hold Me Close
03
First time me and Jake actually hooked up, I don't think either one of us expected it.
I went to his house to watch TV, and he ended up sitting up, looking me in the eyes, and saying kiss me. I giggled like a school girl and said no. He leaned in a gave me a gentle kiss. He repeated that until I finally kissed him back.
I expected it to be magical and exciting. When really, I barely had any feelings for him. I felt nothing. No intense passion and I wasn't all that excited. When you kiss the boy you like, you're supposed to have some sort of excited feeling.
A couple weeks go by, and I couldn't stop thinking about him. Why was I feeling like that? We made out, and I felt nothing. Why was he the only thing on my mind?
Next time we hooked up, it was different. I couldn't get enough, I just enjoyed his presence. I didn't know what changed.
----
Me and Jake laid on his couch, him on his back and me on my side leaning into him. My hand lay flat on his chest and it was one of those moments where you just lay in silence, completely content. He turned to me and whispered "Don't fall asleep." I promised I wouldn't. We were happy just being there with each other.
----
I look at the days me and Jake spent together, and sometimes I still miss him. Back then, we were good together. He made me feel special and treated me with respect. I still don't know where things went wrong. Where things changed.
We spent several more days together hanging out, but I left for vacation and when I came back everything had changed.
Me and Jake had never been closer than when I was away for vacation. We spent nights texting till we fell asleep and told each other how we felt. We planned to hang out when I came back, and that's what I had expected.
When I got back, we didn't hang out. All we did was fight. It started with him accusing me of liking a different guy. After that, we pushed fights about anything. He told me how little I meant to him and he called me names. He put me down whenever he got the chance. I let him get away with it too. I took his insults and I was okay with them, he made me feel like crap. In my mind, it was worth it. He made me happy, and I was so sure it would go back to the way it was before. The fighting got worse, and I took worse insults. He called me a failure and told me there was nothing that I was good at.
The boy that I fell in love with, was a whole new person. I wanted to be with him and sometimes, he would confess he still had feelings for me. But then he would turn around and tell me how much he hated me. I got mad at him a few times, told him I was giving up. But a few days would go by, he would apologize, and I would go running back.
This went on for two months before I finally told him that I was done with him. I asked him why and when he stopped having feelings for me, and he got mad and said it was a stupid question. He never was able to answer the question.
I went to his house to watch TV, and he ended up sitting up, looking me in the eyes, and saying kiss me. I giggled like a school girl and said no. He leaned in a gave me a gentle kiss. He repeated that until I finally kissed him back.
I expected it to be magical and exciting. When really, I barely had any feelings for him. I felt nothing. No intense passion and I wasn't all that excited. When you kiss the boy you like, you're supposed to have some sort of excited feeling.
A couple weeks go by, and I couldn't stop thinking about him. Why was I feeling like that? We made out, and I felt nothing. Why was he the only thing on my mind?
Next time we hooked up, it was different. I couldn't get enough, I just enjoyed his presence. I didn't know what changed.
----
Me and Jake laid on his couch, him on his back and me on my side leaning into him. My hand lay flat on his chest and it was one of those moments where you just lay in silence, completely content. He turned to me and whispered "Don't fall asleep." I promised I wouldn't. We were happy just being there with each other.
----
I look at the days me and Jake spent together, and sometimes I still miss him. Back then, we were good together. He made me feel special and treated me with respect. I still don't know where things went wrong. Where things changed.
We spent several more days together hanging out, but I left for vacation and when I came back everything had changed.
Me and Jake had never been closer than when I was away for vacation. We spent nights texting till we fell asleep and told each other how we felt. We planned to hang out when I came back, and that's what I had expected.
When I got back, we didn't hang out. All we did was fight. It started with him accusing me of liking a different guy. After that, we pushed fights about anything. He told me how little I meant to him and he called me names. He put me down whenever he got the chance. I let him get away with it too. I took his insults and I was okay with them, he made me feel like crap. In my mind, it was worth it. He made me happy, and I was so sure it would go back to the way it was before. The fighting got worse, and I took worse insults. He called me a failure and told me there was nothing that I was good at.
The boy that I fell in love with, was a whole new person. I wanted to be with him and sometimes, he would confess he still had feelings for me. But then he would turn around and tell me how much he hated me. I got mad at him a few times, told him I was giving up. But a few days would go by, he would apologize, and I would go running back.
This went on for two months before I finally told him that I was done with him. I asked him why and when he stopped having feelings for me, and he got mad and said it was a stupid question. He never was able to answer the question.
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More to come. Comment and tell me what you think.