I'll Always Be With You.

We sat in the waiting room, waiting.

Gerard had an OD, on anti-depressants.

I was the only one sitting away from everyone else, knowing that it was my fault.

They wouldn’t forgive me.

I hurt their brother.
Their son.
Their friend.

I felt someone’s presence near me, but ignored it.

I didn’t need comforting, I deserved to be blamed.

This was all my fault, I was keeping one of the biggest secrets away from them, only because I was afraid, I was afraid of what would happen when-

I didn’t even want to think about it.

“Chantelle?”

“Don’t talk to me.” I whispered harshly back to whoever it was, I didn’t want to look up at those two sincere eyes.

“It’s not you’re fault.”

“Yes it is! It’s my fault he’s in hospital! It’s my fault.” I repeated.

“You need to understand that with every love theirs a consequence, I never told you this but my parents weren’t really fond of me marrying Donald, they wanted me to marry someone who was rich, wealthy, but I didn’t want to I loved Donald, so we did the only thing we could, we ran away, I hadn’t talk to my parents till about 6 years later, when I had returned they were glad to see me, they were sorry for ever trying to keep us away from each other, because they knew we loved each other. It’s tough, but that’s life. I’ve never seen Gerard look at anyone like the way he looks at you, he really loves you, he wouldn’t want you to blame it on yourself, he would want the truth, even if it is the hardest thing to say, he deserves it after all okay honey?”

I nodded, not trusting my vocabulary at this moment.

“Take care of him.” She sincerely spoke before kissing me on the forehead.

“Gerard Way.”

Everyone shot up, except me.

I could hear from where I was.

“Come on sweetie.” Donna urged for me to get up.

“No, its alright, you go.” I smiled warmly up at her.

“Okay.” She kissed me on the forehead one last time before leaving.

Everyone followed the doctor.

I sat, thinking about what Donna had said, she was right, he did deserve the truth, but I couldn’t tell him, he would be heartbroken to know that I an sick.

I just couldn’t hurt him anymore, not after the amount of pain everyone has gone through.

I loved him so much; I felt as if I was cursed, every single thing I touched would be destroyed.

Iwanted needed him.

I needed him next to me, to keep me warm on a cold night.
I needed to be with him.
I needed to feel him.
I needed to be found, by him.
I needed his love.
I needed to be around him.
I needed him to keep me safe.
I needed him.

And those things I could deny because I knew they were true, hell-I think the whole world knew they were true.

But I wasn’t going to fight for him.
I wasn’t going to get him.
I wasn’t going to let him win me over.
I wasn’t going to fall for him.
I wasn’t going to fall for those hazel orbs.
I wasn’t going to fall for that toothy grin or his heavenly voice.
I wasn’t going to love him.
I wasn’t going to.

As much as I needed I wasn’t going to.

Suddenly I heard someone calling his name.

“Gerard, what are you doing?” The voice was getting closer and closer.

I didn’t want to look up, because I could feel those hazel orbs boring into my hair.