365 Days.

I shake my head at the offer,
“No thanks,
I’m not hungry,”
I murmur and stand up.

Magnus looks at me oddly,
“Are you sure,
sir?”

I give a small nod in reply,
“Yeah.”

It’s midday,
and I’m still not hungry,
surprisingly.

The last time I ate was two days ago at dinner time.
Then the next day,
which was yesterday,
I felt awfully full,
as if I had eaten too much in one meal.

I still feel full,
and that’s worrying me a bit.

Standing up from the table,
I take a step away,
and suddenly double over,
own hands cover my mouth,
and a tormented groan escapes my lips.

I’m feeling like crap,
absolute crap,
and wanting to vanish,
or at least pass out so I don’t have to experience this cruelty.

I clutch at my stomach now,
feeling like I’m about to throw up,
except I don’t.

That’s the worst part.

I gag some more,
the horrible taste of bile on my tongue.

Disgusting.

Already I’m weak,
breathless,
and soaking wet with sweat,
retching as if my life depends on it.

I wish there was a way to stop it,
but there isn’t.
Water only makes me vomit it back up,
tablets just don’t work,
and lying down makes me choke on air.

I roll onto my side,
clenching my teeth in agony,
and groan for probably the tenth time.

Magnus kneels beside me,
places his hand on my shoulder,
wanting to give me some comfort,
showing that someone is with me at least.

I feel my stomach do some flips,
as if in a professional acrobatics.

Oh please,
God – if you’re up there,
please let this be short.

~ * ~

Five minutes later,
I’m done gagging.

I crawl onto my hands and knees,
weakly crawling somewhere.
I hear Magnus walking behind me,
but looking over my shoulder is the last thing I’ll do.

I just don’t have enough energy for that.

I find myself in the bathroom,
and reach to turn the tap on,
but my grip is loose and all I do
is simply brush the tap with my fingers over and over.

Magnus sighs softly,
walks up behind me and turns the tap.

Cool water hits my face and I let myself lie down under the shower,
closing my eyes,
ignoring the water that runs up my nose a bit.

It’s uncomfortable like hell,
but I don’t pay attention to it.

All I know is that my condition just slipped down a notch.

Out of the blue,
I briefly wonder what time it is.