The School Of Self Destruction

This damn building.
"Saint Jude's School for Self Improvement features a charming main building, full of history and class."
Saint Jude's is an arrogant building, full of its own lordliness and bullshit.

And I'm lost in this maze of a hallway. With all their 'forward-thinking', you would assume they would provide newcomers with a map of this infernal building.
Last night I wondered if all this was worth the effort. But after that adolescent tantrum of a boy shut his whining, and I finally got to sleep, it all seemed much more optimistic.

It shouldn't be so hard really.

Just because you screw it up the first time doesn't mean that this time will be the same.

Past behaviour does not, and will not affect current behaviour.
This time I will get it right.

Their directions make no sense. How am I meant to get to this stupid room if I can't find it?
I think if anything I'm getting further away from it.

Alice and I had a nice little chat yesterday.
Friends mean everything to me.
Felix and I go way back.
We knew each other back when we were toddlers.

I learned some things about Felix too. Really fun facts.
For me, anyway.

Oh the things I have learned.
The knowledge I have gained.
Maybe this "school of self improvement" is actually teaching me something after all.
An interesting concept for me, learning at school.

Another damn hallway. It's like I'm the Minotaur in the labyrinth of Greek mythology.
Sacrifice 7 boys and 7 girls to keep me from destroying us all.
Oh, the temptation.

I paused at a blue door, knocked, and opened it. Inside was the common room.
The common room. This is where I started.
Inside Alice and Felix were watching some daytime drama on what seemed to be a new TV. New, at least, in comparison to the couches and other furniture in the room. Very... well very much what you would expect of a room frequented by teenagers.

I cleared my throat. "Hey Alice."

Alice turned in her chair, smiling. "Hey Gareth! I thought you were still in the group room. Did it end early?"

"No," I said. "I still haven't found my way there yet. They gave me instructions but..." I sighed.

"Well," she stood. "I'll take you there then, I've got to go down to the library anyway, and that's just a bit before the group room. It won't take too long."

She walked around the couch, patting somebody lightly on the shoulder as she did.

~ ~ ~

"So..." I trailed off.

I was not good at small talk. Small talk was unnecessary banter only endured for a distinct purpose. Boring and trite pleasantries exchanged but never heard. Because how many times have you asked "How are you today?" in your lifetime? And how many times have you actually cared what the answer was? Honestly.

Alice took the silence as an invitation to talk, and babbled on nonsensically.
Today was such a pretty day. She has the best dress to wear tomorrow.
On and on.

And on.

I was beginning to think about cutting my losses and just telling her to shut her damn mouth when she began to talk about something interesting.

"...and both Elizabeth and I know we should probably tell him that it's not the way he thinks it is, but we don't want to hurt him so we just go on pretending. But I mean, surely it must be better just to know the truth, right?" She looked at me as though expecting an answer, but when I offered none she dove straight back into talking. "So we just go on telling him that nothing has happened, and he just goes on believing it. But I can see it really hurts Eli to keep things from Felix. And they don't even know each other that well yet. Something like this could kill their friendship, you know? And it's really hard on me, because I saw all of it happening, but he still doesn't believe it from me. And Felix and I were friends first, so I should be loyal to him regardless, but I don't know..." she sighed angrily.

"Hey look, it's the library." I pointed at the door. "Looks like I'll be seeing you later then Alice."

Alice smiled at me then walked in through the double doors of the library. She may know what I want to know, but listening to her speak is like hitting my head against a wall, or getting a haemorrhage.
Because who doesn't love a bit of internal bleeding?

Up ahead I could see the group therapy room door. Dark blue.
Why is every door in this place a different shade of blue?

This blue door, unlike the rest of them, was slightly open. Open just enough to let the voice of a single speaker enter into the hallway. A voice I recognised.

I walked to the door briskly and pushed it open, watching the heads turn from the speaker to the unexpected arrival.

Elizabeth Hanson stood at the front of the room, her back to me.

"He promised me distinction with his talks of destruction and ruin. He promised me perfection and he promised me superiority and he delivered none of it."

She paused, as if composing herself, and the heads swivelled back towards her.

"That fucking Gareth Majors ruined my life."

Yes. Only not quite yet.