Finding Calix

** 2 weeks later**
These past two weeks have been hella hectic. Masons birthday is Saturday or also known as TOMORROW! I’ve been super busy trying to plan the small birthday party we’re going to have at Scouts. I’d been keeping my promise to Mason and we’d been going to a restaurant of his picking every Wednesday. I’m proud to say I’ve been on time for each one!

Today is no less stressful, I just got to work and I’m rushing inside the building. I quickly take a seat in my chair and Emily looks at me eyes wide.
‘She’s here.’ She mouths and my eyes bulge to the size of a basketball (not really folks that was a hyperbole).
‘She wants to see you in her office.’ She continues and I feel my stomach drop. This was it I was going to get canned. How will I support Mason, I wont become a whore or anything. There will be none of this selling my body for money bullshit. I don’t care how desperate I get. I nod to Emily before standing up and straightening my clothes as I walked to Janie’s door. I take a breath so deep I become dizzy before knocking on her door.
“Come in.” she says her voice muffled through the door. I take one more ‘calming’ breath before walking in and taking the seat she offered me.
“So how are you Calix?” oh I’m Fan-fucking-tastic!
“I’m fine, and you?” I said and for once the fine quote was totally valid.
“Well to be honest I’m not too good. See the photographer I had planned to do this job had a problem and no longer can, so I’m left with the trouble of finding a replacement. I’ve reviewed your portfolio and I believe you can do it. You honestly have skill with a moving target.”
“Thank you.” I said shell shocked she was offering me a job instead of taking the one I have, what the fuck?
“Well I need you to know that this is a big deal, and that it is not to be taken lightly. Before I tell you the job you need to understand that this job must have your FULL attention, no distractions.”
“While I understand what you’re saying, I need to know what I’m agreeing to before I agree to it.”
“Of course, I’m offering for you to go take pictures on Warped Tour.” I swear my jaw dropped, and of course I heard Tommy in my head telling me to close my mouth or I’ll catch flies like he had the first time he asked me on a date. I had been so stunned that it had fallen down by itself. I had never understood why he asked me of all people. I was nothing special, but he saw something in me that I didn’t. It gave me courage to go on with my life knowing that he believed I could do all those things. Oh fuck she’s saying something, pay attention numb nuts! I scolded myself as I tuned back in.

“As I said we have no tolerance for distraction.” Oh, this bitch, I know she wasn’t calling Mason a distraction.
“And by distraction your referring to my son?” I said trying to keep any venom out of my voice as she nodded.

“You may bring him along if you choose to accept, but please understand he will not be in the way. He will need to be watched 24/7 and that cant always be by you.”

“I understand.” I said stiffly

“Can I have some time to think about your offer?” I inquired.

“Yes, but we will need to know by Monday.” I nodded as she said good day and I replied something numbly. As I walked back two thoughts plagued me. First what the hell was I going to do about this? Should I stay or should I go? And the second why the hell was I thinking about Tommy so much recently, at least once a day. And then it hit me, it’s his birthday tomorrow. August 19, I must have somehow unconsciously remembered that. Damn it, I thought I stopped doing that last year. It must have something to do with the fact that Mason’s is on the same day. Yup that’s right people my son and my baby daddy were born on the same day. Can you say birthday sex? Talk about a constant reminder. As I sat back down in my desk Emily turned to me.
“What happened?”
“… I- I got a job.” I told her and her eyes scrunched up.
“What… a job doing what?”
“Warped.”
“HOLY SHIT! That’s amazing you’ve wanted to do Warped forever!”
“Yeah…”
“What’s wrong?” she asked concerned.
“N-nothing uh, it’s just a lot to take in.”
“I could imagine.” No you can’t I thought to myself.

I somehow managed to make it through the day, even though all of it was hazy. Once I finally got off I picked up Mason and drove home with idle chitchat. All I could say was this weekend I had a lot of thinking to do. That and thank god it was Friday! When we got home I made his favorite, mac’n cheese, which I find absolutely disgusting but whatever. You make sacrifices for your kid right?

After dinner I let him go play his with his friend across the hall for a while, as I contemplated what the hell I was going to do. I mean first of all how the hell was I supposed to keep 24/7 watch on him, while I was going to be busy taking pictures? I couldn’t… unless. I picked up my phone and started to dial the number I knew by heart, but then decided it could wait till tomorrow, ALL of it. I went to my bedroom deciding a little rest and relaxation wouldn’t be a bad idea. I went to my closet pulling out my box of special soaps and bubble stuff and whatnot, which I couldn’t keep in the bathroom unless I wanted Mason to play in it. As my short ass self snagged it off the top shelf I knocked over another one. All of its contents fell out and I groaned leaning down to pick it up. As I did I noticed what it was, it was all my stuff from Sheffield, all of the crap Tom had given me as well as a pictures of all of us. I sighed pulling out one of my favorites. It was one with Tom, Oli, and I, we were all grinning. Tom and I had been gazing into each others eyes and Oli had started fake gagging. So I had lightly punched him in the gut which he proceeded to make a big deal out of and Lee had snapped the photo with my camera he’d stolen from me earlier in the day. I remembered it all clearly as if it were yesterday. As I put each thing in the box I promised myself I had to stop thinking about it .It wouldn’t get me anywhere. I needed to move on from the past, forget it. I needed to worry about <b>MY</b> family’s future. But as I looked at myself with blue hair and that grin that only he could put on my face, I finally acknowledged the fact that I would never forget about him. No matter how much I promised myself I would. Sighing I began picking up the box before grabbing the one I needed in the first place. I headed to the bathroom. I put them down beside the tub and turned on the hot water. Once it was full I allowed myself to sink into the bubbly depths. I opened the box and for the first time in four years took time to look through all of it, letting the memories overwhelm me. The first time we meant, our first date, the first show I went to with him, the endless times we laughed, and partied. No, I would never forget these… unless I got Alzheimer’s, which would suck.