Just One Step

I was standing onstage with the boys in front of a huge audience. I had just finished singing ‘Just One Step’ as the final song in the performance.

“Give it up for our friend Dani!” Harry said into his microphone. The crowd roared and I blushed.

“Isn’t she amazing Richmond?” Niall asked, causing me to blush harder.

“Oh come on guys,” Zayn said, putting an arm around me and laughing. “She’s blushing!” The crowd laughed with him.

When the boys had finally finished thanking the audience, we walked off stage. Niall looked at me, and then picked me up into a hug. The kind that only happens in movies, were the girl gets spun around with her feet never touching the ground. My mind flew to James; we used to be like this. Before we went out, we were friends who were amazingly close. I just hoped that Niall wouldn’t become James.

Well it didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to start anything with any boy right now. No, my heart could take another heartbreak.

“You did awesome!” Lilly told me when we got back to the bus. Then she turned to the guys. “I ordered us a pizza. I figured you guys would be tired after the show, and wouldn’t want to go for dinner,”

She walked back to the kitchen to get the pizza. I climbed up into my bunk and took out my phone.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Oli asked me, all the guys turned to look at me.

“Umm, I have to make a call,” I told them. I hadn’t told any of them that I was calling James everyday. I knew they wouldn’t approve.

I dialed his number. He picked up on the last ring. He sounded even more drunk then the last time. I could practically smell the booze off his breath through the phone.

“Hello,” he spoke. I could here loud music behind him.

“Hey,” I said quietly.

“Kathryn?” he asked. I stiffened at his words.

“No, it’s Danielle,”

“Oh hey baby,” he said. Why was he always drunk when I called him? “Do you miss me babe, ‘cause I miss you Isabelle,”

With those words, something snapped inside me.

“No you don’t!” I yelled at him. The guys turned to stair at me questioningly. “If you missed me there wouldn’t have been an Amy or a Victoria, or a Kathryn!” Tears began to form in my eyes. “There would just be me! So don’t even think that you missed me for a second. You may have missed toying with my perfectly screwed up mind, and showing me off as your charity case, but there is no way in hell that you fucking missed me!”

I was fully balling now. I shut the phone without waiting for a response. I jumped down from the bunk, wiping my eyes and ran to the bathroom. I shut the door, and leaned back on it. I heard the boys talking outside, and then a knock on the door.

“Dani,” I heard Niall’s voice. I just slid down the door so I was sitting on the floor. I looked around the bathroom, and spotted one of the boy’s shaving razors. I stood up, walking over to it. I picked it up, and examined it like another girl might a diamond.

“Dani!” I heard Niall pounding at the door. I slowly turned the razor in my hand. Niall hadn’t actually tried the door yet. I guess he didn’t know that there wasn’t a lock. I was still crying, I sat down on the floor, and pushed the razor into my arm, but Niall was turning the door handle. I quickly tucked the razor into my hoodie’s pocket. He stood in the doorway, looking at me. I looked up at him, my eyes full of tears.

He came over and sat next to me,

“Who was on the phone?” he asked.

“James,” I whispered.

“He called you?” he asked incredulously.

“No,” I told him. “I called him,”

He half laughed, like it was a ridiculous idea. “Why would you do that?” he asked.

“Because I told him I would,” I said.

“Why don’t you just move on to a new guy?” he asked.

“Because I don’t want to get my heart broken,” I said quietly. I could feel the razor pressing against her through her sweatshirt.

“Staying attached to him can only lead to that,” he told me, and I knew he was right, but I still hoped he wasn’t. I stood up still crying. As soon as I did, I knew it was a mistake. The razor fell out of my pocket onto the floor. I followed Niall’s gaze to it, lying on the floor between us. I quickly picked it up and ran back to my bunk.

Niall chased after me, and got into my bunk. He sat next to me, holding me as I cried. I had the razor in a death grip, my knuckles white because I was holding it so tight. He tried to take it from me.

“You don’t need that,” he said, calmly.

“Yes, I do,” I sobbed.

“No,” he said, prying it from my hands. “I’m here for you. Did you do it?”

I just nodded. He took the razor that he was now holding and pushed it into his own arm. I looked at him shocked.

“Why did you do that?” I asked.

“One because, you need to see how it feels when someone you care about does this. Two, because you need to know that I’m here for you. You cut, I cut. You jump, I jump.”

His words hit me hard, but not in a bad way. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had cared this much about me. My grandparents where always there, but never emotionally. Tay was close and I wasn’t saying she wasn’t a good friend, but she was just more in to parting then anything else. And Uncle Mark? He was there at first but when I got older, I guess he figured I didn’t need him anymore.

How wrong he’d been.

“Alright,” I said.

“Do you want to talk?” He asked me.

“Not here,” I said.

“Well let’s get your arm cleaned up first,”

“Okay,” I replied. We slid out of the bunk. Lilly looked over at me with a worried expression. I gave her a nod to reassure her. She smiled, and I smiled back as Niall led me back into the bathroom. He wet a towel and pressed it on my cut. I winced. He smiled weakly at me. When we were finished, he took my hand and led me out of the bus into the cool summer night air. We walked the streets together in silence for a few moments before it was broken by his wonderful accent.

“So, what did he say?” He asked me.

“No,” I said. “It’s not what he said, it’s what he didn’t say,”

“What do you mean?” he asked, as we continued to walk down the dark city streets.

“H-he, he,” I stuttered, holding back tears. “Didn’t say my name,”

“You freaked out because he didn’t say your name?” he asked, incredulously.

“No, I freaked out because he said about five other girl’s names, and then when I told him it was Danielle, he thought I said Isabelle,” I was sobbing again.

He stopped walking and pulled me into him, letting my head lay on his chest.

“Everything is going to be alright,” he said, rubbing circles on my back. “I promise,”

“How can you?” I asked.

“Because there is no way in hell, I would ever let anything happen to you,” He looked at my dead in the eyes.

He leaned in

I tilted my head slightly, and our lips pressed together. I knew I was going to be setting myself up for heartbreak, but I didn’t care. Stopping this kiss before it began was one of the best pieces of advice I would never take.

I just kissed him.

And he kissed me.

If I had known now, what I knew then. I would have left.

But I didn’t

Finally we stopped, when Niall got a text from KC.

“We should head back,” he said. I just nodded. He put his arm around me and we walked back to the bus together.

“Where are we headed next?” I asked him.

“Philly,” He answered.

“Well I’m going to go to bed when we back to the bus,”

“Sleep with me?” he asked. “I don’t want to let you go Dani,”

“Alright,” I said with a smile. When we walked inside the boys eyed us, unsure of exactly what had just happened, but Lilly gave me a knowing glance. We went back to the bunks, and I climbed into mine. Niall followed me, and then wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to his chest. I looked up at him, from where my forehead was pressed against his chest. He smiled back at me and then kissed the top of my head.

I fell asleep in his arms.

And it was one of the best nights I had in a long time.