Mistletoe and You

Ryan and Brendon have been friends since high school. A lot had changed since they first met but they somehow managed to remain friends. When they met everything was so bright and filled with hope. They formed a band and they were sure that they were going to be famous one day. They were practically joined at the hip back then.

Eventually reality hit. Their dreams crumbled. They were in college now and they barely even saw each other anymore. They had chosen different schools and their paths began to separate. Brendon was now on his way to be a fancy doctor. He suddenly had what seemed like a hundred new best friends and girls practically drooling over him. Ryan, on the other hand, had gone to business school where he would eventually graduate and go to work at his father’s company. He didn’t make any new friends and he didn’t have a whole group of girls following his every move. It was not the life he had planned for himself or wanted.

Christmas vacation had arrived and they both had time off from school. Today was the day before Christmas Eve and Brendon was having a party with all of his new friends. He invited Ryan so of course he went. He could not refuse his old friend’s invitation. He honestly wanted to see Brendon again and everything was not going half bad when he first arrived there.

Brendon greeted him with a hug and a big smile. He still looked like the same dorky Brendon that Ryan had known all of these years. He was dressed in a long sleeved white shirt, glasses, and a Santa hat. He had a tiny bit of hair dusting his chin and above his lip like he had forgotten to shave.

At some point Brendon started to wander through the crowd of his new friends. Ryan watched all of the girls hanging off of him as he obviously flirted with them. He watched Brendon laughing and smiling confidently. It was then that it really hit Ryan how much things had actually changed.

It wasn’t like all of this had happened over night. The changes and the ache in Ryan’s heart had come over time. It was only at that party when Ryan finally broke. It was all just too much. He could not stand any of it anymore.

Ryan had a secret that was eating him away for a long time. For almost as long as he and Brendon had been friends, he was in love with Brendon. At first he had hinted at his feelings towards his friend but after a while he realized it was useless. Brendon was obviously straight. He even dated a few girls. He used to brag when he made out with a girl and he would always encourage Ryan to find a girlfriend of his own. Ryan did not want a girlfriend though, he wanted Brendon.

He loved Brendon. He loved his smile, his laugh, how dorky he was, how hyper he got when he was excited about something, his voice, his passion for music, and pretty much everything else about him. There was so much to love. He couldn’t help his feelings for Brendon but he couldn’t tell him either and it was killing him. Even if he did tell Brendon about his feelings he knew that Brendon would just hate him for it anyway.

Everything was just so terrible for Ryan. Nothing had gone right for him. His whole life was a mess. Everything was just getting worse and there was no chance that anything would get any better soon. He would be trapped in a nightmare. He would never get to write songs and be in a famous band. He would be stuck in a job he hated with no friends. He would never be able to get over Brendon and he would never find someone new. Brendon would go on and be a great doctor and have all kinds of people who loved him. They would probably just stop talking to each other completely over time. Then where would that leave Ryan? He would be even more alone and miserable than he already was. What was the point of that?

[Brendon]

Brendon knocks on the bathroom door. He knows for a fact that Ryan is in there. It’s been a long time though and he is wondering what is taking his friend so long. “Ryan? Are you okay in there? Ryan?” he asks, knocking on the door.

When Ryan doesn’t answer he tries the door knob. It is surprisingly unlocked but what he finds when he opens the door is even more surprising. His eyes widen and he gasps. He hits his knees on the tiled floor and pulls Ryan into his arms. Ryan is unconscious and bleeding from one of his wrists. His medical training begins to kick in and he grabs a nearby clean towel. He wraps it around Ryan’s wrist and applies pressure to stop the bleeding.

This does not seem real. Brendon does not understand why this is happening. He tries desperately to wake Ryan up. “Come on Ryan,” he says. “Wake up please…please.” It is then that Brendon sees the empty pill bottle on the floor. “Damn it!” he curses.

Ryan’s breathing sounds strange and slow. He looks even more pale than usual. Brendon knows that this is very bad.

“Ryan, wake up now!” He practically yells.

Ryan opens his eyes a little. “Huh?” he mumbles, obviously totally out of it. Then he is gagging and Brendon leans him over the toilet, holding onto him so he doesn’t fall.

“It’s okay,” Brendon tells him. “There you go, get it out.”

When Ryan is done vomiting he slumps limply against Brendon, eyes closed. Brendon holds him and begins to cry.

Brendon dismisses all of his remaining guests. They can see that something is obviously wrong but he doesn’t tell them what it is, he just pushes them out the door. When they are gone he drags Ryan to his bedroom and lifts him onto the bed. Ryan is heavier than he looks but Brendon is able to get him onto the bed anyway. He covers him with blankets to keep him warm then lies beside him and waits for him to wake up. A million thoughts are running through his head but most of all he wants to know why this happened. Why would Ryan try to kill himself?

When Ryan wakes up he just stares at Brendon for a long time. Eventually he just asks “Do you have a tooth brush I can use?”

Brendon nods. He gets a spare tooth brush for Ryan and watches him rinse his mouth out. He no doubt needed that after vomiting. He then bandages Ryan’s wrist properly like he learned in medical school. Luckily the cut wasn’t too deep and it doesn’t require stitches. They go sit on Brendon’s bed. Neither one of them know what to say.

“Why did you do this?” Brendon finally asks.

Ryan won’t even look at him. “I’m a loser.”

“No, you’re not,” Brendon shakes his head. “Talk to me Ry. I know I haven’t called you as often as I should but I didn’t know you were having problems. You should have told me.”

“It’s not your fault. I couldn’t tell you,” Ryan mumbles.

“You can tell me anything Ryan. We’ve been friends for years.”

“You’ll hate me if I tell you.”

“I wouldn’t hate you.”

“Whatever,” he sighs. “I guess it doesn’t matter now. I might as well tell you. I already tried to kill myself and I couldn’t even do that right.”

“Ryan…” Brendon frowns.

“I’ve been in love with you for a few years now. I know you’re straight and you don’t feel the same way. If you never want to talk to me again I totally understand.”

Brendon is silent for so long that Ryan starts to walk away. Brendon jumps off the bed and grabs Ryan’s arm. He pulls Ryan into his embrace. “I love you Ryan.” Ryan is stiff in his arms at first, slowly trying to pull away. “You should have told me, okay? You can tell me anything and I won’t ever hate you, I promise.”

“So you’re not mad?” Ryan questions.

“Of course not,” Brendon assures him. “This is what made you want to kill yourself?”

“So many things have changed and I was sure that you would hate me,” Ryan replies.

“I’ll fix this, okay? I’ll fix everything for you. It’s going to be alright.”

“I love you so much Brendon. I’m sorry.”

“I love you too Ryan,” Brendon tilts Ryan’s face up so he can look into his eyes. He wipes tears away with his hands then leans in to kiss Ryan’s lips.

Ryan’s is clearly surprised. “Bren…”

“I’m not straight. I know I never told you but you never asked. I’ve always dated girls because that’s what was expected of me.”

“We are idiots,” Ryan mutters.

Brendon chuckles lightly. “We really are.”

When Ryan says that he needs a shower he invites Brendon since he is still feeling kind of dizzy and might need help. Brendon helps wash his friend. They have not ever seen each other naked before but they try not to stare too much out of respect. Ryan’s body reacts to Brendon’s touch and he blushes bright red. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes.

Brendon grins. “Don’t be. It’s perfectly fine.”

“Okay…”

“It’s actually kind of sexy,” Brendon tells him. “When’s the last time you had sex with anyone?”

Ryan hesitates to answer. “It’s been a while…”

It sounds like it actually has been more than a while. “Do you need some help with this?” Brendon wraps his soapy hand around Ryan’s arousal.

Ryan nods quickly. “Yes…oh god, yes.”

It doesn’t take long for Ryan to orgasm and then Brendon just holds Ryan, smiling. Finally, Brendon turns the water off. They wear only towels around their waists to Brendon’s bed where they make out passionately. Soon their naked bodies are pressed together and Ryan is asking for Brendon to make love to him. Brendon asks if he is sure and he tells Brendon that he is very sure because he has been waiting for this for a very long time.

When it is over they fall asleep cuddled together. In a very short time Ryan’s world has turned right side up again. Things are bright and hopeful once more. When Ryan wakes up in the morning on Christmas day he sees Brendon gazing at him like he is the most beautiful thing Brendon has ever seen. It makes Ryan smile. “Merry Christmas Ryan,” Brendon says.

“Merry Christmas Brendon,” Ryan replies then leans in to kiss Brendon.