Mistakes We Wouldn't Learn From

[Zack]

After the incident at the grocery store it was decided that Jack and Evan were not allowed to do any more shopping, especially if they were together. They had been banned from the van for the afternoon because they were sticky and I didn’t want the seats in my dad’s van to be ruined. Our show had apparently been scheduled at a bar, and we had fought with the employees just to be allowed to play our show. They didn’t want to admit anyone under the age of 21. When they realized that all the members of All Time Low and Mayday Parade were under 21, they agreed to let us in to play, but made us leave immediately after our set was finished. Gabe Saporta and the rest of Cobra Starship were the only ones who were allowed to stay inside, which they teased us for.

Rian and I took turns driving that night because it was a five hour drive to Buffalo, New York. We had all stayed up extremely late, until almost six in the morning. Luckily, Matt woke up around one in the afternoon and woke everyone else up because we were running late. We had to do some sort of interview today in the venue.

“It’s too early to be awake,” Jack muttered, rubbing his eyes as he slumped back against the seat.

“It’s nearly two o’clock, Jack,” I said, tossing a shirt at him from the bags I was digging through in the trunk. “Take off that shirt you’re wearing, it’s gross.”

“Alex, your boyfriend is telling me to strip!” Jack whined.

Alex’s head snapped up and his eyes opened, breaking free from his half-asleep state, “What?!”

“I told him to change shirts,” I said, rolling my eyes as I zipped up my bag.

“Oh. All I heard was ‘boyfriend’ and ‘strip,’” Alex admitted, climbing out of the van.

I chuckled, “Of course.”

“Come on, you’re going to be late if you don’t hurry up. The interview is in five minutes and the people are already inside the venue waiting,” Matt said, walking back toward the van. Matt, Evan, and Grieco had started to bring our equipment inside because the show was at six o’clock, only four hours from now.

“We don’t need to be making a bad impression in our first interview,” Rian pointed out, hopping out of the van with one of the poptarts Jack had made us buy.

“Speaking of bad impressions...” I chuckled as Alex walked up to me. His hair was sticking up in fifty different places.

“What?” Alex asked, and I turned him so he could look into the dark van window. “Gross,” he muttered, digging through our bags to find a hairbrush. He stood in front of the window while he brushed his hair, trying to fix it.

Jack climbed out of the van as he was pulling the shirt over his head, and he looked down at it with a frown. “This definitely isn’t my shirt, it’s too big.”

I glanced up at him and realized that I had given him one of my shirts by accident, “Oops, sorry.”

“Fatty. This is baggy on me,” Jack teased with a grin. I frowned. He didn’t mean that, did he?

“Jack, stop teasing him. You’re just skinny as fuck,” Alex said as put the hairbrush back into a bag.

Jack shrugged, “Maybe I’m the fat one and Zack’s obese.” I scowled as the others were chuckling, throwing one of Jack’s shirt at his face. He threw my shirt back to me so he could put his own on.

“Are you ready now?” Matt asked, crossing his arms as he looked at us.

“I’m ready!” Jack said, running ahead of us as we headed into the venue. Alex looked over at me and squeezed my hand.

“Jack was just teasing; don’t take anything he said seriously,” Alex murmured, pressing a kiss to my temple.

“He didn’t need to be annoying about it,” I mumbled in reply, looking away from Alex.

He shrugged, “You should be used to that by now – he’s Jack. Annoying is his middle name. Or it should be, anyway.”

“We should get his mom to change it to that on his birth certificate,” I joked dryly, covering my annoyance. Just because I was used to Jack’s teasing didn’t mean it was okay for him to constantly do it.

Alex smiled reassuringly at me, “Seriously, babe. Don’t listen to anyone that says things like that. You’re gorgeous. Anyone who puts you down and means it is an inconsiderate asshole.”

“I’ll try,” I blushed, forcing a slight smile for him.

••••••••••

My mood had lightened a bit during our interview, but I was still in a slightly grumpy mood even after our show. We were able to shower in the venue – I hadn’t had a decent shower in three days and being clean after the show put me in a slightly better mood. When Rian and I headed back to the van around ten, we found everyone standing around in the parking lot. I could hear them talking as we got closer.

“-so if you want to have some with us, that’s fine. Just don’t puke all over the place or anything,” Gabe Saporta was saying.

“Whoa, what are we talking about that involves puke?” Rian asked with a laugh.

The others turned toward us when they realized we had walked up. “Gabe and his band have some beer and stuff in their van, so they told us their van will be kind of a hangout place tonight. He said he’d let anyone drink as long as they can hold it in them,” Derek Sanders explained.

“Oh,” Rian nodded. “Count me out – I’d rather not drink anything.”

“That’s fine. I’m not gonna pressure anyone to drink. You can hang out with us or go do something else; it doesn’t matter,” Gabe shrugged. “I figured we could all use a night of relaxation, since tomorrow we finally have a day off. We don’t have to worry about being intoxicated while driving.”

“That’s always a plus,” Rian chuckled. Everyone began to break away from the group, walking over to Cobra Starship’s van or back to their own vans.

“I’m gonna hang out with those guys and probably drink a little. You gonna come with me?” Alex asked, coming up next to me.

I frowned, “You’re going to drink with them?”

“Yeah. I know my limit, I probably won’t drink too much,” Alex said. “Are you going to come with me or stay in the van?”

I looked up at everyone around Cobra Starship’s van. Matt and Jack were the only two from my group over there, but everyone from Cobra Starship and nearly everyone from Mayday Parade was standing over there. “No thanks. I’ll just stay in our van. I’m not in the mood to socialize right now,” I said, shaking my head.

“Suit yourself.” Alex shrugged. He leaned in to kiss me, smiling at me before heading off to the other van. I went back to our van and got inside, shutting the door behind me. Rian, Evan, and Grieco were also sitting inside.

“Alex didn’t come back with you?” Evan asked, looking up at me as I was sitting down.

“No, he decided to stay out with the others,” I replied.

“He’s not going to drink, is he?” Rian asked warily.

I shrugged, “He said he’ll probably drink a little. I doubt he’ll get wasted though. Why?”

“Just wondering,” Rian said, exchanging an uneasy look with Evan. I looked at Grieco in confusion, and he shrugged. Why did Rian and Evan look so worried about the fact that Alex is drinking?

I chose not to press the issue further, and I dug my iPod out of my bag. If they were going to act weird, I was going to ignore them and listen to my music. I decided to lie back on the seat to get comfortable, since the others weren’t going to be back for a while. I switched back and forth between listening to music and talking to Rian, Evan, and Grieco for a while. I eventually ended up dozing off with my iPod still playing in my ears.

I woke up to a loud bang and jumped, yanking my headphones out and pushing myself up on my elbows to see what had happened. I saw the van door open and was relieved to see that it was just Alex opening the door. I began to lie back down, but I frowned as I heard arguing.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” Alex grumbled at whoever was with him. “I don’t need to be pushed into the van.”

“You’re being a fucking moron, I think you do,” I heard Matt say, his voice equally as angry.

“I didn’t even want to come back to the van in the first place!” Alex snapped back. I looked at my phone and saw that it was nearly one in the morning. They were going to get in trouble if they kept getting louder. I heard someone stumble back as if they were pushed, and I got up to climb out of the van.

“What’s going on?” I demanded, shutting the van door behind me. Rian, Evan, and Grieco were beginning to stir from the noise.

“Alex drank a little too much and he’s being a douchebag,” Matt muttered to me, and Alex shoved him back again.

“Alex, quit it,” I said, reaching out to put a hand on his chest. He shoved my hand away roughly and I stepped back in surprise.

“It’s not your fucking business how much I drink,” Alex argued.

I frowned, “I’m your boyfriend; I actually care if you’re drinking yourself into a coma or not.”

“Well fuck off, because I don’t need you telling me what to do.”

“Excuse me? Look who’s talking,” I said, my heart beginning to pound faster in apprehension.

Alex scowled, “What are you talking about?”

“Calm down, you guys...” Matt said, coming closer to us. Alex and I both glared at him and he stepped back.

“You’re being a hypocrite. You don’t want me telling you what to do, yet it’s perfectly fine for you to tell me what to drink and when to take my medicine?” I asked. Fuck, why was I even continuing this argument? I’d never fought with him before. Ever.

“It’s different when you’re a fucking anxiety-ridden kid that needs to be checked every ten minutes to make sure you aren’t cutting or having a breakdown!” Alex snapped. I looked at him in shock, my eyes stinging with tears at his words. His face softened a little, as if the words he had spoken had shocked some sense into him. “Zack-”

I shook my head, backing away from both Alex and Matt. “Leave me alone,” I choked out, running away from the van. I stopped at the edge of the building for the venue, sliding down the wall and trying to hold back the tears. It was no use, though. Alex’s words stung more than anything I’d ever felt in my life. Even the teasing I had endured at Towson didn’t make me feel like my heart had just been ripped in half.

It took me a minute to realize that I was shaking, and that’s when I realized that I was beginning to have a panic attack. I held my arms around my knees as I tried to calm myself down, but my crying wasn’t helping at all. It was making it harder to breathe through the panic attack. I heard footsteps and a chuckle, and glanced up briefly to see Derek Sanders standing above me in the dim light.

“Well, your band mentioned that you had anxiety issues, but I thought they were just kidding,” Derek mused. Why had my friends told the other bands about my anxiety issues? “Are you seriously crying right now? Over a fucking argument?” Derek laughed at me, making me feel even worse. “You’re such a fucking baby. Grow the fuck up, dude. You’re like seventeen years old. You can’t be treated like a baby your whole life. You shouldn’t be crying over a guy.”

“G-go a-away,” I stammered out, my face in my arms. I didn’t even want to look at the asshole. He was probably just as drunk as Alex.

“Whatever. Grow up,” Derek scoffed, and I heard his footsteps as he walked away. I let out a choked sob as I wrapped my arms tighter around myself, my panic attack full-blown now. I was dizzy and felt like I couldn’t even breathe. I heard footsteps running toward me and froze because I thought it was Derek again, but I realized quickly that it was Rian. Dammit, didn’t anyone realize I just wanted to be left alone?