Chapters On A Page

I had been walking around Target with my mother for what I knew was two and a half straight hours. I normally loved this store and I would idiotically claim that I could spend hours in it. This was so not the case. The lights seemed to grow brighter with every passing hour and the shiny floor made my legs feel like they were being hammered into my torso the longer I stood. And I was almost positive that there were only about five songs on rotation being played over the speakers. I continued to wonder if I could escape to the fitting rooms, take refuge in the handicap one and take a nap. But I had a distinct feeling that my mom would sniff me out and drag me to shop with her some more. As it was, I had been following her around the store several times because she had demanded it and we had ended up at the same place every time, standing around the display for fifteen minutes before moving on again. I was ready to burn the store down, starting with the lawn furniture display that they hadn't yet bothered to take down.

"Trix," I groaned for what I estimated to be the hundredth time since this excursion had begun, "it's almost August. Getting furniture for the patio now would be pretty pointless." I wasn't sure this fact was going to deter her from her mission, but it was certainly worth a try since my constant sighs every sixty seconds were doing nothing. She was sitting on a metal chair that was nothing but intricate swirls and curves and covered by a thick, red cushion. She had tested this one a couple times before. I, however, was sick of sitting on all of these chairs. I was standing, leaning across the slick glass surface of an outdoor bar, my arms crossed against it and my head pillowed atop them. My face was turned in her direction and I caught the distinct glare she was giving me.

"Don't use that tone with me, Valerie. And my name is mom," she snapped, and launched herself into a standing position. She was annoyed, and not with me. She only ever got mad at me for calling her by her nickname instead of addressing her as mother when she was angry about something else.

"No," I corrected, lifting my head and already shaking it before I had straightened up the whole way. "Your name is Michele. But until you calm down again, sure, I'll call you mom," I promised her. I heaved myself up into one of the chairs that matched the bar, one that I had surprisingly not sat in already.

She had walked around the chair to examine it closely, ending up at the front again. She reached her hand out to squeeze the top of the cushion between her fingers. "It just seems so cheaply made," she huffed, rubbing her temple with her free hand. Normally, I would doubt that she really had a headache, but the fluorescent lights would cause anyone's head to hurt after this long under them.

I had stretched my legs out to prop my feet on the bar, but I quickly lowered them as an employee walked passed. I had already gotten yelled at for putting my shoes on the tables. "If it looks cheaply made it probably is. And if it's cheaply made and they're still charging five hundred dollars for it, then it is not worth it," I stated slowly to get the point across. I was hopeful it would anyway. "There are other places to look," I reminded, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees. "We really don't have to keep coming back to this section. We could actually leave the store, find something you wanted somewhere else." I was so desperate to get out of this store.

She heaved a sigh that said she was ready to leave as well. But the words that she spoke at the end of it completely contradicted her. "Let's walk around the store one more time. I need to think about it some more," she claimed, turning around to wave me toward her so I would follow. "I'll buy you a new dress or some shoes," she insisted.

I shook my head again, surprising the both of us by turning down the pseudo bribe. "I can't, mom. Go find Li and Kay. I'm sure they're ready to stop pretending like whatever they're looking at is interesting," I proposed. My sisters were around here somewhere, but they weren't being subjected to this torture. I was the second oldest in the house; my opinion was going to be considered relevant. "I just don't think I can walk again until I know it'll be out to the car," I told her, sliding down into the chair and hooking the toes of my shoes onto the edge of one of the bar's shelves. A bit reluctantly she nodded and promised to come get me as soon as she made a decision before heading the opposite way from the circle we had been walking.

I let my head roll back, falling against the extra inch of cushion that stuck up further than the back of the chair. My eyes only lingered on the tiled white ceiling interspersed with lights for a second before I let my lids flutter shut. I wasn't exactly tired and I didn't really need to sleep. But I wanted to be alone with my thoughts without seeing the people walking passed and giving me strange looks because I was sitting alone where I really shouldn't be. I had carved a little bit of each day to think about the drive-in and the events that had taken place there, but this small shopping trip had taken that away so far today. Now that I didn't have to focus on Trix though, I was able to dive right into the memory.

Not one of our friends had noticed that Alex and I had held hands for a full hour until the credits had begun rolling on the first movie. The drive-in seemed to be the perfect place for sneaking things like this. Intertwining fingers under the cover of darkness, hidden by our bodies instead of on display on top of a shared armrest. Once the movie had ended, we had parted and stood with everyone else to stretch and head off to the concession building. A lot of the cars had started up and headed back toward the road, having only come for their kids to see the first and not the second movie. I had stayed where I was, crossing my legs as I sat down again and pulling a pillow into my lap.

The next movie had been a horror -albeit a bad horror, but it still wouldn't be frowned upon to curl up close to the boy next to me. As long as I pretended to be terrified anytime someone glanced at me, I was safe. Alex had sat a little closer to me when he returned and I saw that he had gotten more of my favorite candy. As the movie had started and captured everyone's attention, I had set the pillow against his leg and laid on my side so I could face the screen. Since I could pull the blanket over my arms, I had handed back his hoodie and reveled in the heat Gwen -lying the opposite way as me- and I were producing under the blanket. I had snuggled into the pillow and automatically realized it had to be one of Alex's. It had smelled of his sweet cologne and the shampoo he used and also chlorine as if he had gone to sleep with his hair still wet from swimming. It was a comforting mixture of scents. We had spent the remaining length of our time at the drive-in like that, his hand on my back underneath the blanket as we ate Sour Patch Kids together.

No one had noticed and if someone did, it clearly wasn't Nic or Murph, so nothing was mentioned. But I was still confused about all of it, and it wasn't exactly like I had anyone to talk to about it. I had seen Alex since then because it seemed weird if we didn't hang out most days now. But nothing had happened between us. No kisses, no hand holding, no secretive looks behind our eyelashes. Just our normal interactions, talking and laughing and playfully shoving each other. And I wasn't upset over not having anything more or him not mentioning any of it. I could feel in my gut that I still didn't want a relationship with him, but I couldn't figure why doing the small, cutesy things that we had done was perfectly acceptable to me.

Of course there was still Dominic, everything I felt for him still intact though I now wasn't sure if a relationship was best for us either until I set things straight for myself. I had seen him just as much as Alex the past few days, and not just at the restaurant as it had been. We actually went out and spent time together, not just limiting our conversations to what I could fit in before I had to seat someone. I had fun with him, especially the times we snuck kisses like anyone seeing us would punish us.

I had no clue what I was going to do about either boy.

Before I could drive myself crazy thinking about these problems while I sat at the back of Target, someone shook my shoulder like they were erasing an image on an Etch-A-Sketch. My eyes popped open to find Lilah standing next to me. "I thought you were asleep," she said, sounding somewhat exasperated at the idea that anyone would sleep inside a store. "Mom said to come get you. We're leaving," she informed me, and then gestured toward the general direction of the doors as if to get me moving faster.

"My God, really?" I questioned incredulously, slipping out of my seat. I gripped the hem of my shorts, pulling them down to their proper length before setting off with her toward the front of the store. "She didn't want to come back and stare at the tables for another twenty minutes and then again announce she couldn't make a decision?" I wondered sarcastically, taking careful steps until I regained my footing. It was almost as if I really had been asleep, but I knew it was just the result of walking around all day. My sister only chuckled because she knew I was right and shrugged as if to say she didn't know what our mom was thinking. We made it to the doors in a minute or two and, Kaylee and our mom already at the car, headed right outside. I was surprised to see that the sky was already darkening, the east a midnight blue and the west casted with pastel pinks and deepening to reds in spots. I knew how long we had been in there, but I had forgotten that it had already been after six when we came. I was delighted it was already sundown.

The ride home was a typical one that included the four of us. Our mother blasted music that we all had agreed on and we happily sang along. It was weird of us, acting like a family that spent every waking second together and took camping trips on the weekends. But we had always defined ourselves as strange and had decided long ago that we may as well act it to the fullest. I didn't give our mom a hard time about her apparent absolute need to buy patio furniture, not even when we pulled into the garage and turned the music off. The four of us headed off in different directions once we entered the door to the kitchen, still our close family selves but wanting the time away from each other. I skipped up the stairs to my room, where I was spending increasingly more time. I pretty much ignored the left side of my room when I stepped inside, just to forget the mess of tools left by the plumber. Apparently stacking them outside the door that connected my room with the bathroom was better than leaving them by the actual broken sink. He was taking forever to fix it as well, so I wasn't too fond of him.

It was thankfully a nice night, one where it wasn't going to dip down below seventy degrees. I had stuffed an old blanket into a corner of the bench and I grabbed it now, sliding one of the windows open so I could climb outside. I fanned the blanket out before me as I stood on the roof, lowering it to lay out flat like I had done several times before. I sat down in the very middle, crossing my legs but lying back to stare up at the sky. It was now the dark blue shade it always took on right after the sun set, and the stars were popping up like someone turning on lamps in the very far distance. Normally when I would lie out here, I would sit on the back edge of the roof or rest on my stomach so I could watch the trees in the backyard blink with fireflies once they no longer felt threatened by the noise I had made coming outside. But tonight was the full moon and I had the urge to do nothing but stare at it.

I couldn't spot it yet, unable to see it passed the actual roof of our house. But it would rise higher soon enough for me to marvel at while I lay on the soft blanket with my hands folded on my stomach. I didn't particularly have any plans for what I would do until then. Doing nothing sounded like a pretty good idea, following the appeal of simply staring at the moon. I knew nothing about constellations, but as I lie there, I tried my best to play connect the dots and see if I came up with anything decent. As I played, the night sky grew even darker and turned black as it got later. I was perfectly content in my own little world in the dark.

As if from a distance, I heard a car door slam shut, bringing my mind back from wandering. I barely thought anything of it though because I was sure it hadn't come from our driveway or even the space across the street where my friends sometimes parked. I unclasped my hands from each other to allow me to turn on my side, easily changing my view of scenery. Just as I liked, I could see lightning bugs dotting the top branches of the pine tree that separated our yard from the neighbor's. They lit up with their yellow glow briefly, several at one time, before dimming again to be replaced by several others in different locations. I wondered idly if there was ever a time when all the fireflies inhabiting one tree were aglow at the same exact time, turning the tree into a beacon. I liked the idea. It was an interesting thought, that somewhere out there was a tree, oddly glowing yellow.

I had been sucked into my thoughts again and it caused me to be ripped from them once more. This time it was thanks to the sound of someone stumbling rather closely, like the window I had slipped through. I sat up then and spun around. Because I was quick, I was able to witness Alex with one foot caught on the windowsill and him leaning halfway out the window with the other foot on the roof. I shot up and took the few steps toward him. I gripped both of his hands in mine, feeling his slightly calloused fingers in mine as I pulled him toward me and hauled him out the window. I let him steady himself and wipe invisible dirt from his clothes before I said anything to him.

"What the hell are you doing up here at… this time of night?" I inquired, hesitating only when I remembered that I myself had no clue what time it was. I backed up until I stood on the blanket again and then sat back down, this time off to the side so there was enough space for him.

He sunk down next to me but instead of facing forward like I was, he faced me. "Well," he began, hands on his knees, "I am out here to ask what the hell you're doing up here. But I'm here in general because there's a small party going on at Rian's. I couldn't get a hold of you on your cell," he claimed, and gave me a mocked frustrated look. He seemed to think that I had a mighty bad habit of not answering my phone. In all honesty, I had no idea of where it even was at the moment. "So are you going to tell me why you're just hanging out on the roof?" he asked after I had been silent for a moment after he had last spoke.

I looked over at him, his face hidden in shadow and the top of his hair shining with the light coming from my room. "You make it sound like no one in their right mind would hang out on their roof," I scoffed, jokingly rolling my eyes. Before he could counter this, I shook my head to make him stop. "I just wanted to be out here," I enlightened him, then leaned back so that I was on my back again, looking up at the stars. The moon was just starting to peek out from behind the house.

Without too long to question it, Alex did the same. He was on his side though and he stretched his legs out to make him horizontal. He had taken his shoes off at some point while he was in the house and he slid one of his feet over and it came in contact with mine. I never pegged him for the footsie type, but I wasn't going to object to it now, and I ran my own foot up his leg. "So are you going to come to the party?" he questioned, his voice low and hoarse now. I could tell that he wasn't really looking for an answer, just wanted something to say. This was confirmed when I turned my head to face him and he kissed me.

His lips were soft against mine and tasted of some kind of liquor, letting me know that he had come from the party to bring me back. I leaned into him, not questioning it like I never did. But I knew I should. Dominic and I were clearly more than crushes now, though I couldn't exactly say what we were to each other. "Alex," I breathed, not even pulling away from him. He mumbled a hmm against my lips, urging me to go on just as his hand went to the back of my neck, almost preventing me from doing so. I took a second to think about it again since I had the time to with him keeping me against him. "Never mind," I managed out, and let us continue on.