Chapters On A Page

I had asked for the dream, had practically begged for it as I had lie there on my floor, sleepless. Those had been desperate times though, and even while in the dream, I knew that I didn't truly want to spend my few sleeping hours there. I hadn't remembered having this series of nightmares since the morning of Murph's birthday, the one that had introduced the zombies of my loved ones, though I knew that I had had it again.

The undead were still far away, the yard appearing as if it had doubled in length with the distance between all of them and myself. As always, Emma sat across from me behind the fence, still all smiles and dimples despite the horror that came for us. I, on the other hand, was panicking more than I think I ever had about anything. Tears streamed down my cheeks, but my thoughts were not of my death that was certain to come at the hands of these creatures. My eyes wouldn't leave the grown Emma, the one with the ragged flesh and glazed over eyes that didn't see me as the little sister that loved her. I couldn't stop thinking about what I had told Alex long before I had fallen asleep and got stuck in the dream again. I was having a tough time convincing myself that it wasn't my fault that the undead Emma even existed. It made me feel terrible, like someone had reached into my chest, right through my ribcage, and was twisting my heart until they could rip it out. It was making me want to forget about everything in life, to find an easy out from the crippling grief I believed was going to follow me to my conscious mind.

I turned to the young Emma, roughly rubbing away the tears from my face. She was almost radiant, the sun shining behind her and giving her blonde hair a halo. I raised my hand to the fence between us, my fingers bending around the thick wire to pull myself closer to her. "I want to come over there. Things are terrible on this side. Look!" I shouted, flinging my left arm out to make her notice the flesh-hungry creatures.

She was still smiling even after taking a quick glance to where I was gesturing, though it took on a more melancholy quality. "Even if I could just let you over here, I wouldn't. There are people over there that need you," she insisted, lifting her own tiny hand to point the way I just had.

I felt my jaw drop in surprise, but gave a defiant shake of my head to hide the shock from her. "Who? Everyone over here is way passed needing help, let alone help from me. There's nothing I can do for any of them," I claimed, fully believing that I was the one right in this situation. One glance to my left backed up what I was saying.

She shook her own head, appearing as if she knew everything there was to know in the universe. "Help is always needed," she stated smartly. "Mom and dad need you because I'm gone. And so do Li and Kay. They need to grow up with they're only big sister left. Nic and Murph and Gwen will never not need you. You're their best friend," she informed me, and with each name, I found the person mentioned in the horde at the other end of the yard. As if he somehow knew he was going to be the next one she named, a dark-haired boy found his way into my view, making his way to the front of the undead crowd. "And Alex needs you, too."

I opened my eyes to the bright sunlight that was streaming through the windows, made all the brighter by the white blinds that were meant to keep the light out. I was curled in a ball, my head pillowed on my arm since the actual pillow I could have used was keeping my feet warm. I tried to roll over onto my back but was stopped by a warm body that was much smaller than another person would have been. That was when I remembered exactly where I was and I realized that it was Spot lying behind me where he seemed to have stayed all night. I pushed my hair back away from my face and then craned my neck to look at the white and brown dog snuggled up to my back. I could see that the other side of the bed was empty, which meant that Alex was already up and probably getting ready for school.

I slowly sat up, taking notice of how tired I really was. Falling asleep last night had been a terrible idea because, with a glance at the clock, I knew I had only gotten two and a half hours of sleep, which was worse than not sleeping at all. I yawned as I looked around the room, contemplating what I actually wanted to do. Stretching out on Alex's bed and going back to sleep felt like a great plan. But skipping school would blow my cover with my mother. Just as I'd decided that I should start getting ready and slid to the edge of the bed, the door opened, Alex slipping inside.

"Hey, you're up!" he exclaimed, looking almost relieved that he wasn't going to have to struggle to wake me. "If there's anything extensive you need to do to get ready, you should probably hurry. We've got like twenty minutes until the first bell rings," he told me, not even having to see the time. He had been awake long enough to be aware of the hour already.

I nodded meekly, too exhausted to even try. "I just have to change," I responded, shifting so I was on my knees to get to where I had left my bags.

"No makeup, eh?" he questioned jokingly, bouncing onto the bed. Spot instantly wiggled so he was close to Alex, pushing his nose toward his owner's hand so he could get a nice scratch behind the ears.

I nonchalantly waved my hand behind me to show that I didn't care too much about my appearance today. "I'll do it in the car," I promised myself by telling him. I sniffed, once again shoving my hair behind my ears. "How do you do this all the time?" I asked on the end of a yawn, turning my head to look at him.

Alex snorted and shrugged. "A lot of Red Bull in the morning. We can grab some on the way to school," he insisted, sensing that I was definitely going to need at least one to even think about making it through the day.

I chuckled lightly and nodded gratefully as I went back to going through the small selection of clothes I had brought with me. "Damn it!" I exclaimed in frustration when I had come to the realization that not paying attention while picking clothes had not been the best idea. "I packed nothing but a pair of jeans, one tank top, and three pairs of shorts," I explained when he asked what was wrong, sounding frantic. He knew that I wasn't actually angry though, confirmed when I began giggling. This was definitely from sleep deprivation, and when I thought about my short slumber, the laughing was to cover the grief that swept over me after remembering my nightmare. I shook my head vigorously to clear it of all thoughts that had to do with what I had wanted and what my sister had said in my subconscious, and then got to my feet. An inquiry to where the bathroom was seemed to be all I needed to forget momentarily, and I hurried to change into the jeans and the only thing close to a clean shirt I had with me.

"Let's go!" Alex sang, clapping his hands together and jumping up the moment I entered the room pulling my hoodie back over my head. He threw my jacket at me before I was even two steps in the room, then snatched up my messenger bag and purse from the floor before passing me to lead me to his car. I pet Spot one last time before following after.

The house appeared to be empty -or at least sounded so- but was much more lively with the sun lightening every room we passed through. He led me out the front door this time, not fearing that we would wake someone up by doing so. The morning was chilly, just as I had expected while I had waited outside last night, and I was grateful for the jacket I was slipping my arms into. He handed my bags to me once we'd reached the car and I saw that the garage was empty as I hopped into the passenger seat. So his parents had already left the house. I just hoped they hadn't checked on their son in his room before they'd left.

As soon as Alex began backing out of the driveway, I flipped the visor down to reveal the tiny mirror on the other side and I began doing my makeup as we headed off to school. "Thanks again… for letting me come over last night," I told him, pausing the process of brushing on my foundation so I could turn in my seat to face him.

He smiled, only one lifted corner of his lips visible to me while he continued facing forward with his eyes on the road. "Of course, Val. It was nice to have someone to talk to during those late hours besides Jack. The amount of caffeine he drinks that late makes him a little annoying," he admitted, a chuckle escaping his lips.

I snorted, my eyes rolling back to the mirror showing my reflection. "Jack, as much as I love the kid, is always at least somewhat annoying," I corrected, my grin growing when I heard Alex choke on what I assumed was laughter that still managed to fill the air after a moment. He cleared his throat after he had grown silent, almost as if he was trying to cover up for something. I didn't question it because I fully believed there was nothing to question and went back to my makeup, moving onto my eyeliner as he pulled into a convenience store to get the energy drinks that I hoped would be our savior today.

Knowing there was no way I could make myself look any less tired, I shoved everything back into my bag and shut the visor before settling back into my seat. Alex came sprinting back out to the car a second later, wanting to make it to school before we were late. "Pound one now," he instructed while handing me the plastic bag weighted down by the cans and slamming his door shut with his free hand. "Save the other for lunch. You should be good to go for the whole day then," he swore, having done this enough to know how much would keep me awake.

I nodded sharply in understanding, extracting two of the cans from the bag and popping them open. My eyes on the one already pressed to my lips, I handed the other over as he drove. We were both finished by the time we pulled into the school parking lot less than five minutes later. Quick goodbyes flowed from our lips before we parted ways as we ran through the front doors, our feet carrying us in completely opposite directions. I fell into my seat in homeroom, my jacket still on and my book bag and purse hanging from my shoulder, with only a second to spare before the bell rang.

By second period, I had already decided that the day was too long. I couldn't keep my eyes open as long as I was sitting. But I was forcing myself to keep them wide and to blink as little as possible, and not only so I wouldn't get in trouble. In all honestly, I didn't even care if I did or not anymore. Every time I dozed off, I was instantly reliving the nightmare I'd had just this morning. Emma telling me that I couldn't be with her because I was still needed -ultimately telling me that dying wasn't worth leaving everyone- had me jerking awake each time. And the one sentence that kept sticking in my thoughts even when I managed to stay wide awake was the last one she had spoken before I had opened my eyes to the morning. I couldn't help but continue to insist to myself that Alex was the one person that didn't need me. But then I tried to push it out of my exhausted mind altogether.

Lunch couldn't have come soon enough. I shuffled to my locker, letting the sea of students sweep me through the halls and attempted to ignore the almost glaring stares I could feel most of them giving me. I exchanged my books and plucked my remaining Red Bull from the top shelf before heading to find Dominic in our usual meeting spot. I was happy to see him when he came into my view, but it wasn't as it always had been. The butterflies that had been occupying my stomach since the moment we had become official had begun to fade. I knew this was only due to me settling into our relationship, but I also knew that it wasn't going to bring me any closer to love.

I still smiled as he encircled me in his arm to kiss me enthusiastically and giggled as he nuzzled his nose in my hair while claiming he was making up for not seeing me this morning. "You're wearing your glasses," I pointed out when he let me go, reaching up to lightly touch the thick frames. He rarely ever opted for his glasses over contacts because he was convinced the former made him look like a "nerd."

"Yeah," he shrugged, taking my hand that was next to his face to lead me into the cafeteria. "I was feeling lazy when I got up."

For once, I got in the line with him, working my fingers in between his while we inched toward the food. "Well, I still think you should wear them more often. They make your eyes look bluer," I stated, smiling delightfully up at him. He thanked me with a speedy peck on the lips. The line we stood in was moving as slow as ever, and I was convinced it had nothing to do with how tired I was. I grabbed the first thing that looked appealing -a mediocre salad that had questionable looking ham pieces on it- and willed the lunch lady to ring up everyone in front of me faster. I could still feel the stares that had plagued me all morning and I just wanted to sit down to avoid them. "Why the fuck is everyone staring at me?" I hissed so only my boyfriend could hear when I could no longer take it.

Dominic snorted, taking a quick glance at me though he clearly already knew what the problem was. "You're wearing a Towson sweatshirt, babe. With Homecoming coming up, people won't be taking too kindly to support for any competition, even if they're not who we'll be facing," he informed me, appearing utterly amused by my apparent mistake. I looked down at the hoodie I'd had since I had started high school and had randomly picked out last night to shield me from the chilly air while I waited for Alex. Did they really think I had worn it on purpose, when school spirit wasn't my thing no matter what school I was going to? "Speaking of Homecoming," Dominic said suddenly, breaking my reverie, "did you get your dress? I need to know what color to match my vest with." He stared at me expectantly, waiting for me to tell him what color my nonexistent dress was. "You did get your dress for the dance, didn't you?"

"No!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands -along with the cheap plastic container holding my salad- into the air. Before he could even ask, I began to explain. "First off, you didn't even ask me. I can't just assume we're going. And second, Homecoming isn't even something I would normally participate in," I told him, somehow forgetting not to go easy on him. Surely, he knew me enough by now to know that I wouldn't want to go to the dance, even if he decided to go without me.

"Oh…" he trailed off, turning away to face the front of the line since we had almost reached it. He didn't sound glum or disappointed, but it worried me nonetheless when he didn't say anymore about it.

He took my hand once we had paid for our lunches, but was virtually silent leading us to the table we always occupied. Our friends were already there, eating and chatting as usual, and we easily joined in on the conversation about Halloween. It allowed the tension to leave my shoulders to hear Dominic speak just as animatedly as the others, even if he had admitted to not caring much about the holiday. His hand rested on my knee and he smiled over at me periodically, leading me to believe he couldn't care less about Homecoming now. It was sometime during my self-reassurance that I spotted Alex looking lost while he stared at the empty table he stood in front of. He seemed to have sensed my eyes on him because he lifted his head to return the gaze and I waved him toward me, hoping he wouldn't be hesitant to join us.

"Where is everyone?" I asked him when he had made his way through the tables to get to the one I sat at. Every one of my friends turned to us, curiously eyeing Alex and looking to me for a silent answer as to why he was over here. I gestured for him to sit when I realized an invitation was needed and ignored the others.

He let his styrofoam tray hit the table and then worked his legs between the circular plastic seats to take the one across from me. "Jack's sick. It's Rian and Kara's anniversary, so they wanted to be alone. Lisa is consoling some friend, along with the other girls. And Grieco has to suck and not even have the same lunch," he finished, feeling the need to include someone I hadn't even asked about since he normally wasn't here. "I'm a friendless bastard today."

I giggled. "Guess we're not really friends then," I joked.

Alex nodded as if it should have been obvious, and then immediately changed the subject. "Actually, I'm glad you waved me down. While I was waiting in line, I nailed down the details for Halloween," he said excitedly, spearing what appeared to be some semblance of broccoli with his fork. "We're playing a show that night. Nothing big, just a short set at the Recher. But I was thinking I'll just throw the annual party at my house to ensure everyone wears their costumes to the show," he explained, enthusiasm evident in his voice. "That means you're coming to the show, too. Whether you like it or not." It was a gentle demand, but one I knew he would make sure I followed through with.

"We'll be there," I promised with another laugh.

"Guess I'll see you there then, man," Alex chuckled, acknowledging Dominic for the first time since sitting down.

Dominic didn't say anything but the hand on my knee tightened its grip some. I couldn't say why. I simply hurried to fill the silence he left. "Nah. Dominic doesn't do Halloween. It'll just be me, the girls, and Murph. Maybe Lilah," I added as an afterthought, figuring she would appreciate being a part of the festivities. Once I had cleared up a misunderstanding that could have easily been left alone, I prompted Alex on what I could do to help get his house ready for the party, wanting to go all out with decorations. And I tried not to think about Emma's announcement and relating it to this. And Alex needs you, too.