Killing Jar
Killing Jar; 04
I ran to the park where I was meeting Steffy, she was taking me butterfly catching and she was going to show me how she did it. She finally thought it was time I was allowed to learn.
Christina was no longer standing in the way of Steffy and I’s friendship, she had moved far a way a around a year ago and Steffy had resorted to spending most of her time with me. I wasn’t complaining; I really liked having her around, the only problem being was that it was forcing feelings out of me that I really didn’t want to feel.
Every time Steffy touched me, electric sparks shot though me and my heart started to pound. I didn’t understand it. No, scratch that. I did understand it, I knew what was happening to me, and I had known for around a few years that I was clearly a lesbian. I mean, I’d never liked a guy, never kissed a guy, never wanted to kiss a guy. But then again, I’ve never kissed a girl either. But I’d wanted to… oh, all the times I’ve wanted to kiss Stef. It was obvious that I liked her, and I think she knew. She must know – I was so painfully obvious about it.
I couldn’t help it though… every time I was near her I turned to mush, I started to sweat and I couldn’t control my words properly. Like word vomit, I said things without thinking.
I saw her sitting in the corner of the field and I ran over to her, grinning in joy. I always got smiley when I saw her, she just had to be there to brighten my day.
“Hi, Stef,” I shouted as I neared her and she stood up to give me a hug as I ran into her.
I wrapped my arms around her waist as she wrapped hers around my neck, grinning into her neck. She smelled so good… I always felt weird thinking that, but she really did. Like… peaches. I knew she loved peaches, so that was probably why. She could eat them all day if she was allowed.
“Hey, Emily,” she whispered into my hair and I pulled back from her, not wanting her to think I was hugging her for too long.
She smiled at me and I grinned back, I was finally going to catch a butterfly.
“Right, so let’s find one,” she jumped up, clapping her hands together.
When I reached my more stronger teenage years, she started to talk normally towards me again. Acting as if I was once again her friend, acting as if we were best friends once again. It was as if there was no age gap between us, there was nothing in between us, it was merely me and her.
I grinned at her and clapped my hands together, “I can’t wait,” I said with a laugh and let her lead me off.
“Okay, grab a net,” she pointed to the fishing nets that rested on the tree behind her and I picked up the green one as she picked up the blue. “And then follow me,” she said as she picked up her bag that clunked as she swung it over her shoulder.
I did so, and she led me further into a corner of the park, pushing us through the bramble and twigs, scraping my arms as I did so. I probably shouldn’t have worn short sleeves, I realized, but the weather was too hot to wear a jumper.
“Sorry,” she muttered and started holding back the bramble and twigs with the stick of her net for me.
I smiled at her, my heart warming at how she was helping me and I mentally slapped myself for being such a pansy. At school I was known as the girl with no emotions, I didn’t get upset, I didn’t get happy – and I certainly did not love. But I did; I loved Stef, and it was so… upsetting that she didn’t love me back.
“Here we go,” she turned around to face me when we reached the clearing, a place I didn’t even know existed and I gaped at it.
It was… beautiful. Just a big green field, surrounded by woodland and filled with bushes covered in different coloured plants.
“Yeah, it’s beautiful, isn’t it…” she noticed my awe and laughed at me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder, pulling me in close to her and placing a slight kiss on the top of my head. I felt my cheeks burn and I tensed my shoulders slightly, felling her pull me in closer and laugh slightly into my head. “You’re so… damn obvious.”
I groaned and tried to pull away from her, “ehh,” I moaned. “Let’s catch butterflies,” I tried to change the subject.
“Okay… we’ll do that while I think about how to tell you,” she grinned at me and I furrowed my eyebrows… Tell me what? I shrugged it off and smiled at her while nodding.
“So… what do I do?” I asked stupidly and she giggled.
“Find a bush that has a butterfly… it can be quite hard as there aren’t many around, but once you do you don’t want to startle it. Creep up as slowly and quietly as you can and trap it with your net, keeping it on the bush,” she pulled her bag off of her shoulder, opened it and pulled out a glass jar for me, “here, take this to put it in.”
I nodded my head, took the jar from her and set off to find a butterfly.
--
I found a butterfly on my fourth row of bushed and I crept up on it, keeping in mind what Stef said and trod carefully, not wanting to startle it and make it fly away. I kept my eyes on it, raising my net up to bring it slowly down over the top of it, trapping it into the bush. It fluttered furiously, it’s yellow and black wings about in it’s frantic quest to escape.
I got the jar and managed to unscrew the lid with trouble with only one hand, before bringing myself closer to the butterfly to try and drag it into the jar. I groaned as it managed to escape and it landed on the same bush.
I repeated my actions, trapping it in the net then trying to get it in the jar, but it kept flying away. I had no idea how Stef could stand doing this; it was getting really tedious.
I groaned and tried again and again, until I finally figured it out. I just had to bring the jar up through the bush… if that was possible. So I did, pushing the jar past the leaved and under the butterfly, scooping it up and keeping it trapped by the net. I grabbed the lid off of the floor and quickly screwed it on, looking over the tops of the bushed for Stef.
I spotted her and rushed over to her, waiting to hear what she had to say to me in response to me liking her. I hated how painfully obvious and how much she knew that I liked her. I just hoped she wasn’t about to tell me that I failed at life and that she was ‘sorry’ but she could never like me back ~ ‘maybe it would be better if we didn’t see each other anymore… or at least for a little while’.
I shook my head of the thoughts and stumbled over to her, holding out the glass jar with the butterfly in it and she looked closely at it, seeing what kind it was.
“Tiger Swallowtail Butterfly,” she smiled at me, raising her head again to look up at me. “Nice one.”
--
We lay down on the grass, she had told me to put a leafy stick in the glass jar for the butterfly, and over time it would end up killing it just like the rest of them. They were doomed, I guess. Forced into this killing jar for the rest of eternity… well, until the world ended.
I sighed to myself and rolled over to face her, just as she turned to look at me. Our eyes met and I stared into her face, seeing that she knew what I was wondering: what the hell it was that she was going to tell me.
“So… you’re wondering-” she started slowly.
“Yeah,” I cut her off quickly, probably not meaning to but I was too nervous to notice. What if she really was about to tell me that we couldn’t be friends anymore? That it was too awkward for us to be together, and she was uncomfortable being around me.
“What I was going to tell you…” she carried on as if I didn’t butt in and I nodded my head again, feeling sweat start to form on my brow and I wiped it away as if I was just scratching my forehead, I didn’t want her to know she was making me so damn nervous.
“Erm…” she took a hold of my hand, rolling on her back and I rolled on mine, keeping my eyes locked on the side of her face though.
She squeezed my hand gently, and I returned the action – feeling more nervous by the minute. Our hands were sticking together, I, or maybe her, maybe both of our hands were sweating and our sweat was mixing together, clamming our hands together in a slightly uncomfortable, yet comfortable none the less, embrace.
“If you’re trying to get rid of me, can you just tell me already,” I let slip after a few agonizing minutes of silence and she turned to look at me.
She rolled over, getting onto her knees and placing either one each side of my body and pushing her lips up against mine. My first kiss… my first ever kiss, with the girl I had been holding out for. I sighed out and she ran her tongue along my lip, prying them apart and pushing her tongue into my mouth.
I always thought that my first kiss would be awkward, that I wouldn’t know what to do… how to do it. But it came naturally, as if I had been doing it my whole life, almost. I swirled my tongue around hers, feeling her sigh out into my mouth and I pushed my tongue into her mouth, toying with her tongue. Her hands ran up my sides and into my hair as our mouths continued to open and close in sync, and my hands reached for her waist, holding her in place on top of me. I didn’t fully know what to do with them… it was all so… surreal. Dream like, almost.
She pulled away first and grinned down at me, “I really like you, Emily.”
I beamed up at her, my heart feeling like it was about to explode with happiness.
Tiger Swallowtail Butterfly
Christina was no longer standing in the way of Steffy and I’s friendship, she had moved far a way a around a year ago and Steffy had resorted to spending most of her time with me. I wasn’t complaining; I really liked having her around, the only problem being was that it was forcing feelings out of me that I really didn’t want to feel.
Every time Steffy touched me, electric sparks shot though me and my heart started to pound. I didn’t understand it. No, scratch that. I did understand it, I knew what was happening to me, and I had known for around a few years that I was clearly a lesbian. I mean, I’d never liked a guy, never kissed a guy, never wanted to kiss a guy. But then again, I’ve never kissed a girl either. But I’d wanted to… oh, all the times I’ve wanted to kiss Stef. It was obvious that I liked her, and I think she knew. She must know – I was so painfully obvious about it.
I couldn’t help it though… every time I was near her I turned to mush, I started to sweat and I couldn’t control my words properly. Like word vomit, I said things without thinking.
I saw her sitting in the corner of the field and I ran over to her, grinning in joy. I always got smiley when I saw her, she just had to be there to brighten my day.
“Hi, Stef,” I shouted as I neared her and she stood up to give me a hug as I ran into her.
I wrapped my arms around her waist as she wrapped hers around my neck, grinning into her neck. She smelled so good… I always felt weird thinking that, but she really did. Like… peaches. I knew she loved peaches, so that was probably why. She could eat them all day if she was allowed.
“Hey, Emily,” she whispered into my hair and I pulled back from her, not wanting her to think I was hugging her for too long.
She smiled at me and I grinned back, I was finally going to catch a butterfly.
“Right, so let’s find one,” she jumped up, clapping her hands together.
When I reached my more stronger teenage years, she started to talk normally towards me again. Acting as if I was once again her friend, acting as if we were best friends once again. It was as if there was no age gap between us, there was nothing in between us, it was merely me and her.
I grinned at her and clapped my hands together, “I can’t wait,” I said with a laugh and let her lead me off.
“Okay, grab a net,” she pointed to the fishing nets that rested on the tree behind her and I picked up the green one as she picked up the blue. “And then follow me,” she said as she picked up her bag that clunked as she swung it over her shoulder.
I did so, and she led me further into a corner of the park, pushing us through the bramble and twigs, scraping my arms as I did so. I probably shouldn’t have worn short sleeves, I realized, but the weather was too hot to wear a jumper.
“Sorry,” she muttered and started holding back the bramble and twigs with the stick of her net for me.
I smiled at her, my heart warming at how she was helping me and I mentally slapped myself for being such a pansy. At school I was known as the girl with no emotions, I didn’t get upset, I didn’t get happy – and I certainly did not love. But I did; I loved Stef, and it was so… upsetting that she didn’t love me back.
“Here we go,” she turned around to face me when we reached the clearing, a place I didn’t even know existed and I gaped at it.
It was… beautiful. Just a big green field, surrounded by woodland and filled with bushes covered in different coloured plants.
“Yeah, it’s beautiful, isn’t it…” she noticed my awe and laughed at me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder, pulling me in close to her and placing a slight kiss on the top of my head. I felt my cheeks burn and I tensed my shoulders slightly, felling her pull me in closer and laugh slightly into my head. “You’re so… damn obvious.”
I groaned and tried to pull away from her, “ehh,” I moaned. “Let’s catch butterflies,” I tried to change the subject.
“Okay… we’ll do that while I think about how to tell you,” she grinned at me and I furrowed my eyebrows… Tell me what? I shrugged it off and smiled at her while nodding.
“So… what do I do?” I asked stupidly and she giggled.
“Find a bush that has a butterfly… it can be quite hard as there aren’t many around, but once you do you don’t want to startle it. Creep up as slowly and quietly as you can and trap it with your net, keeping it on the bush,” she pulled her bag off of her shoulder, opened it and pulled out a glass jar for me, “here, take this to put it in.”
I nodded my head, took the jar from her and set off to find a butterfly.
--
I found a butterfly on my fourth row of bushed and I crept up on it, keeping in mind what Stef said and trod carefully, not wanting to startle it and make it fly away. I kept my eyes on it, raising my net up to bring it slowly down over the top of it, trapping it into the bush. It fluttered furiously, it’s yellow and black wings about in it’s frantic quest to escape.
I got the jar and managed to unscrew the lid with trouble with only one hand, before bringing myself closer to the butterfly to try and drag it into the jar. I groaned as it managed to escape and it landed on the same bush.
I repeated my actions, trapping it in the net then trying to get it in the jar, but it kept flying away. I had no idea how Stef could stand doing this; it was getting really tedious.
I groaned and tried again and again, until I finally figured it out. I just had to bring the jar up through the bush… if that was possible. So I did, pushing the jar past the leaved and under the butterfly, scooping it up and keeping it trapped by the net. I grabbed the lid off of the floor and quickly screwed it on, looking over the tops of the bushed for Stef.
I spotted her and rushed over to her, waiting to hear what she had to say to me in response to me liking her. I hated how painfully obvious and how much she knew that I liked her. I just hoped she wasn’t about to tell me that I failed at life and that she was ‘sorry’ but she could never like me back ~ ‘maybe it would be better if we didn’t see each other anymore… or at least for a little while’.
I shook my head of the thoughts and stumbled over to her, holding out the glass jar with the butterfly in it and she looked closely at it, seeing what kind it was.
“Tiger Swallowtail Butterfly,” she smiled at me, raising her head again to look up at me. “Nice one.”
--
We lay down on the grass, she had told me to put a leafy stick in the glass jar for the butterfly, and over time it would end up killing it just like the rest of them. They were doomed, I guess. Forced into this killing jar for the rest of eternity… well, until the world ended.
I sighed to myself and rolled over to face her, just as she turned to look at me. Our eyes met and I stared into her face, seeing that she knew what I was wondering: what the hell it was that she was going to tell me.
“So… you’re wondering-” she started slowly.
“Yeah,” I cut her off quickly, probably not meaning to but I was too nervous to notice. What if she really was about to tell me that we couldn’t be friends anymore? That it was too awkward for us to be together, and she was uncomfortable being around me.
“What I was going to tell you…” she carried on as if I didn’t butt in and I nodded my head again, feeling sweat start to form on my brow and I wiped it away as if I was just scratching my forehead, I didn’t want her to know she was making me so damn nervous.
“Erm…” she took a hold of my hand, rolling on her back and I rolled on mine, keeping my eyes locked on the side of her face though.
She squeezed my hand gently, and I returned the action – feeling more nervous by the minute. Our hands were sticking together, I, or maybe her, maybe both of our hands were sweating and our sweat was mixing together, clamming our hands together in a slightly uncomfortable, yet comfortable none the less, embrace.
“If you’re trying to get rid of me, can you just tell me already,” I let slip after a few agonizing minutes of silence and she turned to look at me.
She rolled over, getting onto her knees and placing either one each side of my body and pushing her lips up against mine. My first kiss… my first ever kiss, with the girl I had been holding out for. I sighed out and she ran her tongue along my lip, prying them apart and pushing her tongue into my mouth.
I always thought that my first kiss would be awkward, that I wouldn’t know what to do… how to do it. But it came naturally, as if I had been doing it my whole life, almost. I swirled my tongue around hers, feeling her sigh out into my mouth and I pushed my tongue into her mouth, toying with her tongue. Her hands ran up my sides and into my hair as our mouths continued to open and close in sync, and my hands reached for her waist, holding her in place on top of me. I didn’t fully know what to do with them… it was all so… surreal. Dream like, almost.
She pulled away first and grinned down at me, “I really like you, Emily.”
I beamed up at her, my heart feeling like it was about to explode with happiness.
Tiger Swallowtail Butterfly
