Killing Jar
Killing Jar; 05
I had been with Stef for around a year now, well, a year tomorrow. Tomorrow being Saturday. I wasn’t sure what to do for it; I knew that I was probably being a bit harsh on her. We hadn’t done anything more than kiss for the whole of the year, but I just hadn’t been ready for anything more. I was only 15… and it seemed a bit… whore-ish to have any form of sex at that age: even if the kids at my school were doing it, I didn’t want to come off as a slut like the rest of them did.
But I think that 16 is a decent age for you to lose your virginity… it seemed reasonable. Stef was 21, and it was obvious that she had had sex before: I wasn’t that clueless.
I nodded my head, tomorrow, for our one year anniversary I would finally put out. I would give myself to her.
I climbed off of my bed, ready to face the day at school and found my uniform: the horrible black (the only good part) pleated knee length skirts, white shirt, maroon neck tie and a blazer. I think I was the only girl who managed to look like a complete dyke in a school uniform, and I had no idea how I managed to do it. I made it so obvious that I was gay – and everyone seemed to know before me, as well.
I had been dealing with comments for around two or three years now, never physical, just verbal. It wasn’t too bad though, I could bare it.
I sighed as I pulled my tights on and grabbed my bag to swing over my shoulder, running down the stairs to get an apple for the walk to school.
“Bye mum!” I yelled and I heard her yell her goodbyes in response before I slipped on my all black converse and walked out of the front door.
School always managed to get the better of me, getting me up at 7:30 in the morning to get to school for 8:30, it was so tiring, and so boring. I really couldn’t give a flying fuck about my grades; I knew I was going to fail my GCSEs, I’m already failing all of my subjects and I have my exams in a few months time. It was terrible. Plus, mum’s trying to not let me go out anymore at the weekend – but there was no way I was going home this weekend; I needed to get this over with.
I bit into my apple, tearing it off and swallowing it down after chewing it a reasonable amount. I just wanted the school day to end so I could go and see Stef, though I knew she didn’t get off of work until around 5, and then she had a half an hour journey back home. She was an art restorer, but she was probably still asleep. She got the 8:37 train, so she got up at around 8.
After school I would go home, do a bit of studying until around half 5 and then go see Stef at around 6 ish: possibly stay at hers for a bit. She moved out last year, she has her own flat now so I didn’t really need permission from her mum to stay over: but I was definitely staying over tomorrow night.
I finished my apple, a smile on my face due to excitement and I threw my apple core into the bush I was walking past – animals can eat it if they wanted, I didn’t really care. To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t too fussed on this whole ‘Global Warming’ issue that everyone has. It’s really not going to bother me when we all die: one reason being that I probably will be already dead at that point, and also that when I’m dead is it really going to matter? I’m not going to remember anything; I’m not going to know anything. I’m simply going to be the corpse of someone who used to be, someone no longer. I couldn’t give a shit, to be honest.
I reached school and walked through the gates, searching for Amy and Henry – my only friends in school. Actually, that’s probably a lie. They’re not my only friends, no one really hates me at this school and I don’t necessarily hate them. I just tend to stick to myself. Even if they do tease me about being gay, I know that it’s only in light-hearted-ness, just joking around.
I spotted Amy’s bright blue hair and ran over to her and she laughed at me before running away from me. I chased her around the playground before jumping on her back and getting a piggy back from her until we reached our form room. Her back was a bit uncomfortable, but I knew it was worse for her – so I toughed it out.
I grinned and jumped down from her back, “hi there,” I giggled and she laughed in reply.
“Well howdy,” she said in a fake Texan accent and I pretended to be a cowboy, lassoing her and pulling her into me so I could give her a proper hug.
“What you doing tomorrow then?” she knew all about Stef and I’s one year anniversary, it was all I could talk about for the past few weeks and I knew I was driving her insane. Hell, I was driving everyone insane.
“I think I might… y’know… finally do it,” I grinned at her.
She fake gasped, “no way!” and I laughed, nodding my head. Amy had lost her virginity when she was 14, and had a full on active sex life still. Getting wasted at parties and sleeping with random guys who hit on her.
“Yep,” I grinned.
“Awesome, man,” she clapped me on the back. “Finally gonna do it, Henry would be proud!”
Henry had been pestering me to get it over with for… well, months. He couldn’t seem to understand why I was so worried about looking like a slut, and thinking about it now, neither could I really. Sure, I didn’t want to look like a whore, but I had loved her for ages. You’re only really a slut if it’s just a random person who you decide to sleep with, not a long term girlfriend. But that didn’t matter now, I was going to do it tomorrow night.
But I think that 16 is a decent age for you to lose your virginity… it seemed reasonable. Stef was 21, and it was obvious that she had had sex before: I wasn’t that clueless.
I nodded my head, tomorrow, for our one year anniversary I would finally put out. I would give myself to her.
I climbed off of my bed, ready to face the day at school and found my uniform: the horrible black (the only good part) pleated knee length skirts, white shirt, maroon neck tie and a blazer. I think I was the only girl who managed to look like a complete dyke in a school uniform, and I had no idea how I managed to do it. I made it so obvious that I was gay – and everyone seemed to know before me, as well.
I had been dealing with comments for around two or three years now, never physical, just verbal. It wasn’t too bad though, I could bare it.
I sighed as I pulled my tights on and grabbed my bag to swing over my shoulder, running down the stairs to get an apple for the walk to school.
“Bye mum!” I yelled and I heard her yell her goodbyes in response before I slipped on my all black converse and walked out of the front door.
School always managed to get the better of me, getting me up at 7:30 in the morning to get to school for 8:30, it was so tiring, and so boring. I really couldn’t give a flying fuck about my grades; I knew I was going to fail my GCSEs, I’m already failing all of my subjects and I have my exams in a few months time. It was terrible. Plus, mum’s trying to not let me go out anymore at the weekend – but there was no way I was going home this weekend; I needed to get this over with.
I bit into my apple, tearing it off and swallowing it down after chewing it a reasonable amount. I just wanted the school day to end so I could go and see Stef, though I knew she didn’t get off of work until around 5, and then she had a half an hour journey back home. She was an art restorer, but she was probably still asleep. She got the 8:37 train, so she got up at around 8.
After school I would go home, do a bit of studying until around half 5 and then go see Stef at around 6 ish: possibly stay at hers for a bit. She moved out last year, she has her own flat now so I didn’t really need permission from her mum to stay over: but I was definitely staying over tomorrow night.
I finished my apple, a smile on my face due to excitement and I threw my apple core into the bush I was walking past – animals can eat it if they wanted, I didn’t really care. To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t too fussed on this whole ‘Global Warming’ issue that everyone has. It’s really not going to bother me when we all die: one reason being that I probably will be already dead at that point, and also that when I’m dead is it really going to matter? I’m not going to remember anything; I’m not going to know anything. I’m simply going to be the corpse of someone who used to be, someone no longer. I couldn’t give a shit, to be honest.
I reached school and walked through the gates, searching for Amy and Henry – my only friends in school. Actually, that’s probably a lie. They’re not my only friends, no one really hates me at this school and I don’t necessarily hate them. I just tend to stick to myself. Even if they do tease me about being gay, I know that it’s only in light-hearted-ness, just joking around.
I spotted Amy’s bright blue hair and ran over to her and she laughed at me before running away from me. I chased her around the playground before jumping on her back and getting a piggy back from her until we reached our form room. Her back was a bit uncomfortable, but I knew it was worse for her – so I toughed it out.
I grinned and jumped down from her back, “hi there,” I giggled and she laughed in reply.
“Well howdy,” she said in a fake Texan accent and I pretended to be a cowboy, lassoing her and pulling her into me so I could give her a proper hug.
“What you doing tomorrow then?” she knew all about Stef and I’s one year anniversary, it was all I could talk about for the past few weeks and I knew I was driving her insane. Hell, I was driving everyone insane.
“I think I might… y’know… finally do it,” I grinned at her.
She fake gasped, “no way!” and I laughed, nodding my head. Amy had lost her virginity when she was 14, and had a full on active sex life still. Getting wasted at parties and sleeping with random guys who hit on her.
“Yep,” I grinned.
“Awesome, man,” she clapped me on the back. “Finally gonna do it, Henry would be proud!”
Henry had been pestering me to get it over with for… well, months. He couldn’t seem to understand why I was so worried about looking like a slut, and thinking about it now, neither could I really. Sure, I didn’t want to look like a whore, but I had loved her for ages. You’re only really a slut if it’s just a random person who you decide to sleep with, not a long term girlfriend. But that didn’t matter now, I was going to do it tomorrow night.