A Love Like War

One Plan B pill, a week, seven pregnancy tests, and a lot of stress later, I decided that I was indeed, in deep shit.

I was sitting in Cory's bathroom for the seventh time, staring down at the seventh little pink plus sign, sighing for the seventh time that day. I honestly wasn't even surprised at this point. I almost asked what else could go wrong, but I didn't want my life to take it as a challenge.

I was afraid to leave the bathroom, because I knew I'd just be harassed with a bunch of disapproving looks and "I tried to stop you's" and I really just didn't want to deal with that right now. But I had to get home at some point, so I tossed the little plastic stick into the trash can with the other six and made my way back to Cory's room.

I looked at her and shrugged and she gave me and understanding, pity-filled look. I almost rolled my eyes.

"What are you gonna do?" she asked. "How do you think Alex will react?"

"I have no idea, but it doesn't matter. I don't think I'm even gonna tell him." I sat down on the bed next to her.

"Well Kristin, you kind of have to tell him that he's going to be a dad," Cory said, giving me an are-you-stupid kind of look.

I blinked at her, dumbfounded. "You don't actually think I'm going to keep it, do you?"

She was silent.

"Cory, I can't have a kid at seventeen. It'll ruin my entire future. And Alex's. Not that he'd even take any part in raising the kid."

"But Kristin . . . what if Alex wants a kid? I mean, it's his child, you have to at least talk to him about it."

I laughed. I laughed a lot. "Alex. Wanting a kid. At seventeen. Yeah, okay."

"You never know! And I mean . . . how could you want to get an . . . abortion?" she asked, whispering the last word.

"Because it's my body and my life and I don't want a child. It's not that complicated. I'll talk to Alex, just let him know, and then I'll have the procedure done and it'll all be over with."

"Are you gonna tell your mom?"

"I'll have to. There's no way I could pay for it myself."

"Wow . . . Well, good luck," Cory said, and I could tell that was my cue to leave. I nodded a bit and stood, swiping up my purse and quickly exiting her room and then house. I walked down the street and was soon looking at the conjoined porch of my house and the Gaskarths'. I turned away from my door and took a deep breath, then lifted a shaky finger to press the door bell button.

After a moment, the door swung open to reveal a very shirtless, dripping wet Alex, wearing only a towel around his waist. I was surprised to find that it was distracting to me. /I am not attracted to him, I am not attracted to him,/ I lied to myself.

"Yeah?" Alex asked.

"Hey. Uh, I need to talk to you about something . . . important."

His bushy eyebrows drew together and I knew he had a sense of what this was about. But knowing Alex, he would deny it as much as possible.

"Okay, uh, come in," he said.

I awkwardly stepped into his home, and he led me into the kitchen. He leaned back against the counter, and I stayed near the door.

"Is anyone home?" I asked.

"Nope."

"Okay," I took a deep breath, then said, "you know how you said to get the Plan B pill?"

"Yeah . . ."

"Well I did. And it, uh, didn't work."

His eyes glossed over and the color left his face. I was almost scared. I didn't know if he'd flip out and hit me or something.

"You're . . ." he began, but couldn't say the word.

I nodded slowly.

He turned and supported himself with his hands on the edge of the counter. He stayed in that position for probably about five minutes, head down and silent. I immediately regretted telling him. I should've just gotten the procedure on my own and not told anyone. I shouldn't have gone to the party in the first place.

Eventually Alex turned around, still looking down. When he looked up at me, I had a hard time breathing normally. His eyes held so much pain, apology, regret. It almost hurt to see how much he hated this. I was insulted that he really regretted it that much. Why? I have no idea.

"Kristin, you know I'm not going to be involved. You know that, right?" he asked, his eyes burning into mine. "I just . . . I can't do it. I can't be a dad. I'm seventeen. I can't . . ." he trailed off, shaking his head.

"I wasn't going to keep it . . ." I said quietly.

He sighed and almost radiated relief. "Thank God."

"Yeah," I said, my voice clipped.

We were quiet for a moment. Just stared at each other, expressionless and speechless.

"I'm sorry," he said to me, and I could tell he really meant it. I was shocked. I'd never seen him show this much emotion before. Not even when we were talking on the plane from England four years ago about leaving our homes. Seeing him like this scared me.

Not knowing what else to do or say, I turned and all but ran out the front door.