I Love You More Than I Can Ever Scream

I tossed and turned that whole night. Upset with everything. I got up early and turned on the stereo which blasted Black Veil Brides and D.R.U.G.S. I got in the shower and got dressed. I danced around my house trying to bring up my mood. I cooked some chicken Alfredo for lunch with everyone. I heard the door bell ring and I scooted towards the door trying to get myself to smile.

I opened the door to see Andy. I was hoping to not be alone with him. I let him come in and I returned to the kitchen. He followed me silently and watched me finish cooking. I didn’t care that he was here I still danced while I cooked. When I made eye contact with him, he laughed.

I gritted my teeth at the sound of his cute laugh. He stated,” You have to teach me how to dance.”

I replied,” it’s not that hard.”

He looked at me crazily,” Do you see these gazelle legs? I’m a clutz.”

I answered,” I’m almost as tall as you.”

He added,” But you have been dancing for fifteen years, I haven’t.”

I grabbed his wrist and lead him to the foyer where there was the most room. I placed his hand on my rib cage and I placed one hand on his shoulder. I grabbed his other hand and led him into a slow dance that I made faster. Which turned into messy turns and crap. I laughed at how bad he was. He tried to recreate some hip-hop move which some people would know as the sandwich.

I positioned myself against him and showed him the right way. He slowly moved in sync with me and when I saw his hands move to my hips and I kept going until I saw the Dragonfly writing on his hand. I abruptly stopped and said,” WE can’t do this.”

He questioned,” What? We’re just playing around.”

I gave him a meaningful look,” It makes me think... You know what? Never mind.”

He groaned at my statement not being completed. He demanded, “No continue, I can handle it.”

I hoped to god I got into the top fifteen. I needed to leave.

Andy:

She curled her hands into fists,” You didn’t even think that I would come back here with more than friends feelings for you? The phone calls and the conversations are all just nothing. The way you look at me still makes me so confused!”

I imagined I looked guilty. My blue eyes were pleading with her. I was just as confused as she was. I stated,” I’m sorry, I really am. I love Juliet but there is something about that first real eye contact in the hospital that makes me question everything. I wasn’t faking anything in the phone calls. I’m so intrigued by you.”

I’m pretty sure some of that would have been cute if I hadn’t just said the L word. She looked as though she was about to lose her balance as she gripped for the counter. I loved her yet I was chasing Desirae. Wow I needed a damn filter on my mouth so I don’t make things worse. I tried to pull her into a hug but she pushed my embrace away. The door bell rang. I walked to the door to get it. I heard her sigh in the kitchen and I ran my fingers through my hair. This was making me more and more stressed.

I heard Ashley, CC, Jinx, and Jakes voice uproar from the living room. Desirae made her way out to the living room with some plates and Sammi followed her into the kitchen to help her and gave me a look of I know something happened. Just before I walked into the living room I heard Desirae whisper,” I’ll tell you some other time.”

After we ate we all chit chatted in the living room when a knock on the door stole my attention. Everyone was already here. Desirae got up and opened the door to see Nigel. He smiled,” hello Desirae.”

She smiled and let him in. He gestured for her to sit down and She practically sat down on my lap on accident but then moved to the couch arm. He asked,” How does it feel to be home?”

She shrugged,” Pretty good. But I miss the show.”

I rolled my eyes and thought, yeah right, she just wants to get away from me.

He laughed,” Well I’m sure your friends enjoy you being back.”

CC joined in,” You know we do! She’s a riot!”
They all laughed.

Nigel stated,” But I’m going to have to steal her again because she made the top fifteen.”

She grinned and hugged Nigel,” Thank you very much!”

Awkwardly everyone joined in on a group hug. Nigel left and She was to start packing again. Jinxx promised,” If you make it to the finale, no matter where we are, we will be front row!”

I nodded reassuringly and smiled a dazzlingly smile. My heart beat skipped a beat at her stare. I could tell she wanted to smile back but she refused to. After another hour or two everyone left so she could get to packing and leave again.

I was happy for Desirae that she got in the top fifteen. The circumstances were horrible though. I didn’t want things to be weird between us. But love isn’t fair, so it was weird. I had found her letter she left me. I read it once Juliet left.

I didn’t want to believe her words. But it still haunted me. I looked through all my pictures on my phone and just stared at them. I tossed my phone off the couch in frustration. I was just as confused as before. If only my damn bus driver hadn’t fallen asleep that one night. Then I could go my whole life without meeting Desirae. Those blue eyes had me hook line and sinker.

I wanted so badly to tell her that I got the letter and what I thought about it but I found myself scared to. Could you believe it? The guy who stands in front of huge crowds and encourages you to stand up for what you believe in is too scared to follow his own advice.